At an all time low..

Baldybear

About the house I have looked into the current market, to stay in catchment area of DD's school and local to the only family I do have.    So current house is £425k, a 2 bed ground floor maisonette with garden is approx £325k.  So I could buy this outright, pay of my mortgage but then after say £10-15K of fees would be left with say £20k cash.  This wouldnt pay of all my debts now but maybe could pay off a small lump sum and keep rest.  Need to work it out with how much could have in savings if on benefits or job wise as still need to pay all bills etc.  I live in Surrey so expensive part of the world, London prices but without all the benefits, commuter land here!

This is assuming I take 100% of equity and DH doesnt dispute this, again something to look out for.

With DD need a 2 bed as especially with current debt situation wouldnt be able to move for a while and as she grows up will need her own space.  I am just looking at the 2 of us as if going to move would be without DH.

If stay in current house is a 3 bed (2 bed and box room) mid terrace, okish garden and drive so a good set up for a family home.  I would love to stay if I can.  If DH moves out I could let out one room for a lodger which I have done previously, just need to be careful because of young DD now, but it is a possibility.  I could get between £500-600 a month this way so a good figure which will be tax free too.

BrilliantButScary

Baldybear said:

Money wise have tried to be pro-active this morning.

I have opened a new Monzo account, just transferred £10 so far but at least its all set up.  I want to change a few DD's across to this too so will do soon but the first hurdle is crossed.

I have also applied for breathing space which has been accepted so 60 days of no calls, of which I have started a few.  I have done this via stepchange so the 3 cc's now have their details too.

I have also changed my budget a bit to take into approx of what DH gives me and stepchange agreed to put me into a DMP, so have filled all that out and hopefully that will be set up soon.  Its a payment  of £168 a month which I will make somehow, it says will take just over 19yrs, I will be nearly retirement age (am 47 in a few months time!) but hopefully will be able to pay this off a lot sooner.

Few surveys done last night and £4 odd received so that was good.  Started good mindset and done a bit more adhoc work today so although not invoicing for week or so it will soon add up.

Can I suggest that you post the above entry on your other thread (DFW), as I feel you would get more feedback, particularly about the DMP and Step change. This is not my area of expertise, but I know it is for others. 

Baldybear

@BrilliantButScary thank you so much i have done that

Baldybear

Hello all busy few days.  Some good some bad.

Dds cold still was a bit chesty so ended up with emergency doctor apptmt but luckily not in chest, just panic these days every time she is ill.  Then same day had a hospital apptmt for her hole in heart, that was great as all closed now and can be discharged ☺️ spent £9 on parking for 2 hospitals, £15 on takeaway as late back.  

Yesterday £2 on playgroup and then productive in afternoon and gave house good hoover and wipe over.

Bad news is looks like issue with stepchange amd wont be able to go ahead with dmp.  Reason be as on mix of benefits ans self employment income.  They only take people either employed or on benefits not on self employed 😔  so been referred to a different business debtline so will try and give them a call on monday.  Just so frustrating and feels like another knock down.  If not will have to maybe go self managed or try someone else, just trying to get that motivation to try and deal with it rather than just wanting to run away from it all.

KajiKita

I’m glad your daughter is a bit better. That will give you a bit more head space. 

Please think of me giving your OH’s head a wobble for his petulant whinging about a three year old wanting the person she knows best when she feels mis … 🙄😂

Now then missus. Keep on with the debt organising / sorting. You can do this. It’s just going to be a bit more intricate than you first thought. But you can handle that - remember how you handle all your daughter’s meds and medical needs - same kind of thought processes here just different in the details, you just need some advice on how and what. We believe in you 😊❤️

KK

Baldybear

KajiKita said:

I’m glad your daughter is a bit better. That will give you a bit more head space. 

Please think of me giving your OH’s head a wobble for his petulant whinging about a three year old wanting the person she knows best when she feels mis … 🙄😂

Now then missus. Keep on with the debt organising / sorting. You can do this. It’s just going to be a bit more intricate than you first thought. But you can handle that - remember how you handle all your daughter’s meds and medical needs - same kind of thought processes here just different in the details, you just need some advice on how and what. We believe in you 😊❤️

KK

Thank you so much for your kind words, it does feel so much easier when DD is well.  It does feel like a full time job just organising DD's meds and hospital apptmts!

Weekend went by in a bit of a blur, DH worked on saturday unexpectedly and weather was rubbish and DD was bouncing of the walls so spent £8 on soft play for few hours, worth every penny   then spent £12 in tesco, half was lunch as met sister there and half on few top up bits, bread and fruit.  Sunday went with DH to see a friend, DH was helping her DH collect a sofa so nice to chat for a while and then went to see my cousin who wants DH to do some work in her garden.  Arrived at a good time as cousin was upset but we had a good chat and had a general moan about husbands in general which I think helped us both. I bought takeaway lunch as we didnt have time to go home but then DH did transfer enough to cover this and an ok amount of wages to pay bills so that was good.  £1.50 from vinted landed too, small amounts but all helps in long run.

Yesterday had UC apptmt and that seemed to go well, job coach is very understanding of whole situation which makes life so much easier.  £8 spent on fresh fruit so hoping thats it for shopping till next week, we have lots in so shouldnt need any more.  Car Insurance is due for renewal and renewal price was £568, managed to do good compare and get for £447 and £45 tracked cashback in a few months, luckily had enough with DH wages in account and borrowed a bit from bills but can pay when UC lands tomorrow so pleased that one is off the list until next year.

Today was going to sort out DMP but I do have some outstanding work to catch up on so concentrating on that today as want to get that finished and invoiced.  Will see if I have some time tomorrow if not will have to wait until next week, feel ok for delaying for now, now that 60 days breathing space is currently in place.

Message on class whatsapp group today, one of the parents looking for her DH for some mainly work at home part time book keeping and PA work, have experience in some and big thing is same industry as worked in for years so had a chat and sent CV off, things may change but thought worth a look to see what its all about.

Baldybear

Good morning diary land.
Dd has woken up with a runny nose so probably another cold, sigh, it never ends, have a medical apptmt tomorrow so hope she is well enougb for that.  Looks like the nebs will have to come out again later.  When will the winter be over 😡

More paid work to finish off today.  Also got a phone call about the possible job so hoping that goes well.

PennysIntoPounds

Heya, just caught up with your diary.

Wow, what an opening post.

I am so sorry for all your losses and trauma. What a time you've had of it. Sending you huge hugs.

The main thing that stands out is that your marriage seems like the aggravating factor in you not being able to have either the income facts to work with or the headspace to deal with anything other than firefighting from hour to hour. You must be exhausted. 

It feels off to me that all this debt is in your name, and that you say apart from the recognisable big spends like wedding and going overseas 'it must have gone on something'. Are you able to look at past banking statements and work out what?

I really wish I had the knowledge to give you useful advice. I suggest saving up your freelance money and any bits you can get from vinted, surveys, etc, and spending it on a consultation with a solicitor so you can lay out the debt, varied DH contributions, and property components, and see what they say about how you can divorce and protect your home.
Or would you prefer to try marriage counselling first? 

I really don't know about DMPs etc so this does not constitute advice but maybe it'll turn out to be a blessing if you can't go down that route before getting legal advice about your situation and putting it in action? 

Sending solidarity and good vibes. You've already done the toughest part of making your future life much better, by recognising that this is an unacceptable situation and one you need to find a way out of. Everything from here on in won't be plain sailing, but at least it'll be your boat 💪

Hope the job enquiry goes well 🙂

Baldybear

Good morning, thank you @PennysIntoPounds for your lovely post, definitely food for thought.

So medical appointment went well, it was a fluroscopy, checking her swallow on eating and drinking and she was such a good girl.  But it does appear that she is aspirating some fluids into her chest so waiting on GP prescription to come through after Salt referral and will start trialling thickeners to see if this helps.   DH paid for parking and I paid for lunch £14 as wouldnt have got home in time as apptmt was midday.  Had parents evening and all good there, so pleased as she missed nearly a whole half term due to ICU stay.  

Friday was okish, £2 playgroup and then another GP apptmt as cold was sounding chesty and yep has another chest infection so back on a strong course of antibiotics to help, all as her respiratory plan.  Seems well in herself but the cough sounds nasty, you can hear all the crap, so back on nebs 3x a day too, sigh.

Saturday was better, took DD to a class birthday party so free entertainment apart from the present but already bought a while ago.  DH and his brother did some work for my cousin.  Sunday went to see friend then popped to Aldi as local to her, asked DH if he would pay and he did so that was most of grocery shopping done.  Small spend today of £43 to top up on nappies etc.  No pay from DH this week but cousin paid direct to me so covers most of it, if DH didnt pay for Aldi would have asked for more but leaving it for now to keep the peace!

DD is in school today so peaceful trying to catch up on some work and few bits of admin. 

Debt, SCC have written saying they are closing account so not sure how that works to pay off balance, nothing else from them.  BCC havent heard at all from them, VCC have been brilliant and have written confirming that we are now in the breathing space period.  Just need to keep an eye on dates etc and make a plan before it ends.

Baldybear

Hello all, invoice put in yesterday for adhoc work and they paid straight away so thats fab, few pounds received on a  vinted sale too.  Ad hoc work sent in some more so been carrying on with that today, all good for the pennies.

Have had to say no to prospective job, would have been great good hours and approx £12k a year for a 15hr week so great earnings but I dont feel I can commit whilst DD is still vulnerable with winter season of colds etc and also her hospital apptmts.   Maybe try again in september once she starts school full time, but then just really need term time work as not sure what to do re the holidays.  Will find something somehow, least have adhoc work in the meantime

Have set up savings pot in Monzo and have £250 in there which is great, hoping to get to £1k for emergency fund.  Also still have some savings in NW but need these for costs upcoming, car needs MOT and service by 2/3 so hopefully this is covered by these.  Also need to start moving some DD's across to Monzo, on my ever growing to do list.  Life admin these days seems to take ages and sometimes just feel so overwhelmed with it all.

DD's cough still there, antibiotics till thursday pm, if still not right friday will have to make yet another dr;s apptmt, that will be 1 everry friday for 3 weeks if so, oh to have poorly children, hardest thing in the world.