What is the expected etiquette for after a funeral?

Nebulous2

Funerals traditions vary, both in locality, and by class. In rural Scotland much of the village turned out to funerals of local people. Attending was very much expected. 

Many years later, at work, in a much bigger town, a colleagues mother died and another colleague who didn't know the mother attended. Some of our staff team were horrified and thought it was very  inappropriate. 

I could see both sides. My upbringing said it was a normal mark of respect, while my more recent experience, as someone who had absorbed urban ways, couldn't understand why they did it. 

People can be affected by the death of someone they have had no contact with for many years, and may want to attend. Others, who have had some contact, and who were concerned about the persons solitary lifestyle, may attend because of a fear that no-one else does. 

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm sorry for your loss, and have no idea who will want to attend, but I'd expect their motivation to be positive, rather than curiosity.. 

EasyAs123

My experience with my mam was that we booked a back room at the local pub (room hire free) and they did a couple of trays of sandwiches (>£50). Everyone who wanted a drink bought their own. 

Afterwards the landlady wrapped any decent looking sarnies and sent them home with my brother (knowing him I expect he had them with soup or something over the next day or two). 

Savvy_Sue

I have attended a couple of funerals where I did not know the deceased at all well, but I knew they had been important people in starting the charity I worked for. I was the only person still working there who knew them at all, and to me it was important to honour them.

In both cases I was glad to be there, as their contribution to the charity was mentioned, and family I met afterwards were glad they were still remembered. (No, I wasn't touting for donations)

Rob5342

It's down to you to do what you think is appropriate really. Every funeral I've been to has had some sort of wake afterwards with a bit of food so everyone has a chance to talk to each other. It's normally just been snack food so people don't get too hungry rather than anything substantial. For my grandmothers funeral we just hired the church hall next door and got a few trays of sandwiches from Costco. For my father in laws we hired the backroom at the local pub and got them to do some sandwiches and sausage rolls etc. We left everyone to buy their own drinks if they wanted any, and they could stay in the pub as long as they wanted to afterwards without us needing to hang around. You  needn't pay for anything if you don't want to, you could just find a pub and ask people to join you for a drink there.

Spendless

We faced a similar dilemma when my Grandmother died last year. She spent the last 8 years of her life in a care home due to dementia and was nearly 99 when she passed. She outlived or lost contact with many of the people she knew.

 For a wake we found a pub with a  small.function room who did a cold buffet. There was no charge for the room but they had a minimum amount they would cater for, I cant remember if that was 15 or 20, but we took that. 

As it happened 11 attended the funeral, 8 went to the wake. Any leftover food we asked the pub to put on the bar for the locals to help themselves to, which they did and thanked us for. We also took some home. My parents paid for the first drink for the 8 of us, after that we bought our own from the bar.

Prior to selecting the venue we'd looked at a couple of other places but rejected them either because they wanted a room hire fee plus price per head buffet and/or the room offerred was too large for what we knew would be a small amount of people attending.

At the wake we discovered by chatting that collectively we all knew an element of my Nans life which was unknown to the others and we werent aware. We each  came away knowing much more about her. 

Personally id look for something as described, with minimal costs and an option for giving away/taking with you any leftover food should less numbers than.anticpated attend.