Progress is...

Cheery_Daff

Sobering indeed. I was just coming yo ask the same thing - I would get somewhere between 50-70% of Mr C's pension, can't remember the exact numbers. Worth checking xx

beanielou

Sobering indeed. Have you checked out what will happen to DH’s pension? Also any insurances in place? 

teapot2

So hard having to think about all these things but definitely worth checking any insurances that might help.  Also if you are married you might be eligible for bereavement support payments which can include a lump sum towards funeral expenses [assuming your OH's pension isn't the state pension].

rtandon27

@KajiKita & @Cheery_Daff & @beanielou & @teapot2 - thank-you all for taking the time to spend time with me in the virtual kitchen & offering up suggestions and food for thought!  I always appreciate that you choose to spend time thinking about the random thoughts I post on my mortgage-free diary!

So as @teapot2 rightly pointed out, it's mostly state pension - and the meager personal pension will net me about 40GPB a month - barely enough for a week of groceries! His personal pension is a saga in and of itself, but truly a story for another day.  He does have other assets, which atm are tied up, hence the visit to the lawyer to make sure we can put a legal clause in his will  to enable me to have those assets as an inheritance at minimal cost. 

As far as insurances, we set up the purchase of our house in my name only as with our age difference, we always knew it would be my asset and wanted to make sure that I could 'afford' the basic mortgage on my own - at least on paper.  So any insurances are on me as the house is 'mine'.  Ironically if I had passed away during my health nightmare in 2022, OH would have been a very well looked after man!  I do joke with him that had he been a gold-digger, he'd not have exercised the health power of attorney (our black humour) but he lovingly says time with me is worth more than the dosh!

The spanner in the works for us is that before our almost 20 years together, he had another life for 30 years which did not end well and which means he is being very particular about ensuring that the individuals from that portion of his life don't get a penny of his hard earned (but meager) assets.

foxgloves

It can be a bit of a minefield sorting out that kind of 'spanner', @rtandon27 (referring to your final paragraph). We  re-did our wills some years ago when it became clear that the fracturing of relationships with a significant branch of family through a protracted falling-out saga was never going to result in apologies & possible reconciliation. Although we initially treated all beneficiaries equally, we were the innocent party & made the decision that the non-deserving would be erased from our future largesse (such as it is). Neither of us have ever regretted this decision. You sometimes just have to do what feels right. Forget the old 'blood is thicker than water' saying, sometimes people forfeit their right to things through their behaviour, do they not? It was, of course, another bill from the solicitor to make the changes, but I feel happier that when the time comes, our assets will be shared between people who actually appreciate us. 
You defo have my understanding over the 'spanner'.
F x

edinburgher

From what I've seen, the spanner is remarkably common! One of my colleagues (lovely woman, nothing but time for her) has the most convoluted will set up with exclusions, preferences and what could perhaps be uncharitably referred to as grudges. I listened politely and with increasing confusion as she explained it all to me... 🤔

EssexHebridean

The more complex the will, the more likely it is to open itself up to challenges, tends to be MrEH's view - so often those who think they are covering all the bases really aren't achieving the end that they think they are! 

It's a really tough situation though RT - all the more so because of the way the house situation is set up for you, although I can see why that might have appeared the best thing to do at the time. And that is it isn't it - we can only do what seems and feels to be the best things for "current selves" while taking presumed "future selves" into account - if thigs then change to mean that the future we thought we had isn't in fact the one we end up with, then that's an accident of fate. 

Cheery_Daff

Urgh, sorry to hear things are complicated RT, not what you need right now, but we'll done to the pair of you for tackling unit head on.  As you know, we have a substantial age difference too, and although we both own our house, we only have life insurance for me - so similarly between that and my 'death in service' payout (should i die while still in a job) Mr C will indeed be very well provided for. We decided if the reverse should happen, I'd be quite practical and capable of just going back to work quite quickly. Which seemed very simple 20 years ago but as the years pass feels... different. As EH says, you make the best decision you can at the time.

Sorry about the 'spanner' too, I imagine those type of things do rather make things more complicated! 

rtandon27

@foxgloves - haha 'spanner' is as polite as I could get!  For now my (our) feelings about that shall remain unsaid, but yes quite a terrible situation for OH

@edinburgher - spanners are indeed common & I'm very glad that I told mine where to get off 20 years ago!  OH has had a much harder time of it than I have over the years!

@EssexHebridean - our wills are currently slightly too simple & the extra clause is needed to protect my interests so I'm all for the changes.

@Cheery_Daff - thank-you for the cheerleading hunny, I very much appreciate the support - I'm very happy with the choices we made - we took advice at the time and I'm very glad we listened to those more experienced.  The 'spanner' will not be happy when the matters at hand land in my lap - I don't have the soft touch that OH has or the patience for obstruction!

rtandon27

Another rough week - manager is being a pratt - struggling to balance all the things - and to top it off OH's cousin passed away after his own 4 year health battle.  They were the same age and grew up together, in fact we have some very sweet pictures of the two of them and their respective sons are the spitting image!  The last time we saw said cousin was at his daughter's wedding many years ago.  We will most probably forgo the first of our family occaisions as having 3 occasions in less than two weeks will not be easy.  

This weekend I'm catching up on work - I have deadlines and home admin as well!

...and like all good weekends, I have been focussing on laundry - 3 loads of bedding done today, all currently drying with the dehumidifier which has been emptied twice today!

So a recap of the usual 'haunting' 👻🎃🧛‍♀️👽 list with an aim to tick off the weekly (necessary) things and pretty much ignore what is not absolutely necessary

important tasks...
 ❗ do bus pass application
 ❗ clean up of spare laptop sitting at the office, I've not cleaned it up yet!
🔱 never ending paperwork filing - piles have been sorted, envelopes ditched and ready for putting in the lever arch
⏳ my savings need juggling - not started yet

routine tasks...
✅ YNAB juggling
🔆 across the pond banking
✅ grocery order
✅ meal plan
🔆 weekly digital planner
✅ supplements
✅ Weekly surveys & contests
✅ laundry - 4 loads done 3 away - 1 drying

non-routine tasks...
🔱 pack OH's bag using list - another scan on Monday followed by a course of radiology
🔆 steam formal wear  for both of us and hang up in closet
🔆 still on the hunt for ballerina wedges that fit for everyday use!
🔆 clean washing machine once laundry done for the week
🔆 Delay Repay
🔆 EHIC card - is old one valid or do up application
🔱 BFF & I chatted several times & forgot to discuss money each and every time!

medical follow-ups...
🔆 a week of OH undergoing teatment - I will need to be there with him for some of it, but will have to juggle with work obligations!
🔱 ❗my dermatologist referral - have docs names - now need to book appt - insurance has authorized!
⏳🔆 follow-up on OT recommendations for work assessment - this can wait a bit, while the Cerberus is focussed on other things!
❗follow-up on private eye specialist for myself

epic list of garden things...
🔱 harvest last of the chilies - the are gorgeously ripe
🔱 need to transplant two chili plants & bring indoors
🔆 pick and process apples (if the birds havn't had them all!)
🔱 once lavender is dry from rain make lavender bundles for drying
⏳ start getting quotes for new felt for flat roof & summer house & shed (needs doing in autumn) - on hold
⏳ 4 bags cotswold stone - trip to W!ckes postponed - on hold
⏳ transplant remaining baby trees into their new pots - on hold 
⏳ trim down and rehome butterfly bush - on hold
⏳ new trellis needs to go up for the climbing rose in the front - OH has acquired the hardware! - on hold
⏳ finish taming climbing jasmine & add more supports for it to grown on - on hold

social calendar...
🎃👻 Oct 31 - possible work social & 14 year work anniversary
💝 Nov 1 - family occaision & party in Melton Mowbray - hopefully OH will be well enough to go - it's his family
🖤 Nov 6 - family funeral - 2 hours away - may stay overnight
💝 Nov 11 - another occasion this time closer to home but more formal - friends coming in from London as well - we can't actually miss this one so life will be planned to accomodate! - one friend bailed but another one will be joining - I'm quite pleased as she is a good friend of OH & just gets him - he could use a good natter with her!
⏳ korean street food - mate is back from Thailand, but he wants to partake of a Diwali themed lunch next week instead

Meal Plan...
Last Week

✅ 🍝 🍄 🥓 Monday - Veggie Day - Slow Cooked Gnocchi with mushroom sauce & bacon lardons
✅ 🐟 🦐 🥬 🍜 Tuesday - Fish Day - Cod Fillets & prawns & pak choi & noodles
✅ 🍗 🥙🥒🍅🧅🥬🫓 Wednesday - Chicken Day - Chicken Shawarma & cucumber/tomato/red onion/lettuce & yogurt with pita bread from freezer

🥩🥔🥦Thursday Friday - Meat Day - Paprika Pork Belly Cubes & spanish croquettes & steamed cauliflower

✅ 🍔🍟Friday Thursday- Fakeaway Day - Burgers & Waffle Fries & Spinach with buns from freezer

✅ 🥞🍤🍞 Saturday - Easy Peasy Day - ready-made dosa rolls, prawn baos & octopus balls - we are still hungry - ordering a burger!

✅ 🥚🎍🍄🥕🥔🥬🦃 Sunday - Roast Day - brunch - steamed eggs &asparagus  - dinner carrots & sweet potato & sprouts & exotic mushrooms and turkey steaks

This Week
✅🌿🍝🥬🥓🧀 Monday - Veggie Day - Basil Pesto Pasta with shredded brussels & lardons & cheese takeaway

✅🐟🍤🥬🥔 Tuesday - Fish Day - Sea Bass Fillets & tempura prawns & baby pak choi & microwave herby potatoes & a pie for OH
✅🍗🥦🧀 Wednesday - Chicken Day - Herby Chicken & cheats Cauli Cheese leftovers

✅🥧🥕🥒🍅🍄 Thursday - Meat Day - Freezer Meal - Sheppards Pie with side veg

✅🍔🥔🥕🥒🍅 Friday - Fakeaway Day - Pork Burgers & croquettes & veg box veg (buns from freezer) [possible dinner out at halloween party] quick meals from freezer leftovers
✅🍞🫕🌭🥟🥕🥒🍅 Saturday - Easy Peasy Day - Lunch - Bao Buns - houmous - pita - Dinner - Keilbasa & Periogi with side mixed veg Fish & Pak Choi & mushrooms

✅ 🍄🥚🥗🍖🥬🎃Sunday - Roast Day - Brunch - mushroom & eggs & asparagus - Dinner - Beef Rib & brussels & potato squash
🥬🧀🫓 Monday - Veggie Day - Saag Paneer & Parathas
plan the rest of the week around veg box & aubergines