Progress is...

rtandon27

Just came across the loveliest quote!

I like the idea of embracing what’s happening, rather than resisting it, because I feel like when you do, everything opens up. - DIANNE KEATON 

Greying_Pilgrim

She sure was a lovely lady - the fact that so many stars have immediately moved to write all good things about her, speaks volumes.  

Greying X

Cherryfudge

rtandon27 said:

 we had friends from the church pop in unexpectedly just as I arrived home from almost 13 hours out of the house from work & a long commute - the house was an utter tip & all I wanted was to have dinner and a good long sleep - I figured, oh well, no notice = no excuses, so I told them upfront how we were only just coping - they did what they had come to do which was 'pray over us' as they are a touch evangelical - it was lovely and heartwarming but I can tell you I did not offer them tea/coffee and had zero snacks in the house as well so was the worst host!  I'm sure that will get round the church pdq but oh well, it's not like anyone is living our experience so they can judge as they see fit!

If it gets around the church at all, it should only mean people either ring before coming or bring something for you. Life isn't about being 'hostess with the mostest', and why should you be the ones giving out when you have this to cope with? They turned up to support you, not for you to feed them.

I hope tomorrow's appointment is straightforward and not too exhausting x

Watty1

i so agree with @Cherryfudge     It is rare I will turn up with nothing, maybe a cake, biscuits, chocolate, a pot of soup.  Everyone I know is busy, they don't have time to be the "host with the most", frankly I'm grateful if they can manage a pot of tea and over the moon if a bottle of something is produced (even though I often decline).

You have enough to cope with and what I hope, in the true Church spirit, is it goes around that you are struggling and that they think of things they can do that will support you and be practical.  Prayers are special but you also need a packet of chocolate biscuits or a meal you can bung in the oven and not think about on a busy day

Wishing you well for today x

Greying_Pilgrim

I agree with Watty - prayers are special, but practical help is a blessing too.  Do the congregation have a formal or informal car schemes for example, which could perhaps extend to getting OH to an appointment or two?  

Sending hugs and good wishes.  Greying X

KajiKita

Have nothing practical to add, but standing quietly here in the background, admiring your grace, warm heartedness and generosity to your OH at this time.

I hope you get some down time now and again?

Seconding GP's suggestion of asking church community for lifts to appointments for OH.

KK 

beanielou

Or is there a community transport scheme that that you can access for a small fee? 

Hope today goes as well as it can. 🤗

Merlin's_Beard

I definitely agree with the above! Communities are there to lean on as well as give into, and I can't imagine a church not wanting to rally around one of their own in the circumstances.

badmemory

I'm surprised the hospital hasn't suggested one.

rtandon27

@Greying_Pilgrim - such a nice legacy to leave - to be remembered for being a nice person above all else!

@Cherryfudge - thank-you for your lovely wishes about the appointment - it was completely exhausting & a complete rooster-up - I was very upset to have my Thanksgiving day wasted by NHS ineptitude!

@Watty1 - ooo - I think I did our lovely old couple a dis-service by having a whine - they did indeed arrive with flowers - food would have been better, and infact when I was at my worst, said 'grandma's' soup was all I'd eat - there is something to be said for a Scottish potage!

@Greying_Pilgrim - well I'm not entirely sure that 'help' from the congregation comes without an obligation to listen to some overthetop preachiness!  not something OH needs atm!

@KajiKita - you are so lovely to give me those kind of compliments, really made my day!  I think I just do what any good wifey (who does not beleive in the partiarchal term btw) would do for their beloved 😉  I do indeed carve out downtime on the commute home each evening!  I've binged La Maison on fruitytv+ & highly reccomend - have just started NewLook & while not as slick as the French offering is equally compelling - I love a good 'Soap'

@beanielou - unfortunately the transport scheme cost no less than the taxi and must be booked in advance.  To date most of our appointments have been with 48hrs or less notice, so taxi was the only option!

@Merlin's_Beard - ah yes - and therein lies the rub - I'm not 100% sure OH is one of 'their' own atm!

@badmemory - the hospital did indeed reccomend one but only after we'd laid out 60gbp round trip for a taxi!  The neighbour's service needs pre-booking & does not cost anyless than the taxi!  Nevermind, as of today, his current treatment is private - it includes a taxi service and I don't have to do any of the admin!  Not a bad trade-off for having to put up with the angst of my current manager's making.  I'm shackled by golden handcuffs atm & I'm fully aware of the ramifications of that!


So as alluded to above, I do feel I've done our older chuch couple a dis-service by moaning about their arrival at our home 'unannounced' - in fact scottish grandma did call, except I was on the train bingewatching my latest series & did not pick-up.  I did not realize that she would arrive wheather I answered or not, and it was quite endearing to see her and Scottish grandpa on the doorstep waiting with a boquet of flowers in hand on a chilly autumnal eve.  They had walked!!!!!  After a long hard day the last thing I wanted was a prayer, much preferring some food, but I have to say that the old dears have been good and kind to me during my whole illness and recovery and they are the epitomy of living what they beleive!  Yes they preach (and then some) but they also live their entire retirement in service of others and it is very admirable.  Yes they will have a gossip about what a tip my house was and that I didn't even offer them a cuppa but that is what that generation does!

Now as to being one of 'their's' - OH is not a church-goer by choice, he goes because I do & is in fact an athiest.  Sometimes we all do things for the one's we love when we know it means something to them.  My OH being the vocal person that he is, does not hold back, questioning their beliefs, and every member of the church is trying to get him to 'see the light' so to speak.  I keep telling them they need to live an let live, but his opinions did get us drummed out of a house group when one of the 'godlier' members objected to his jokes which they saw as sacreligious.  I ended up saying emphatically that the behaviour of her and a couple of others was the worst 'Christian' behaviour I'd seen in a long time, so I got chucked out too!  I have a really hard time with evangelism and those who don't practice acceptance so I guess I'm a bit radical by their standards as well.

That being said, we have quite a few good friends from the church like Scottish Grandma & Grandpa as well as a military family from across the pond who are supportive and loving and accept OH for who he is!

One of the two reasons I picked the closest church for us to attend was that when we moved here at the end of lock-down they did online church & community group meetings - it helped us settle into our new town without fear of catching the lurgy.  The other is purely historical.  Our house is built on land that was once owned by the church and up until recently we would have had to tithe a set amount in our taxes to the church and in turn got to vote in the church council elections (which in turn affects decisions in our immediate community) - now in order to exercise that vote, you need to belong to the church.  I was not brought up in that particular denomination, but I do come from a family that was very active in our local chuch community across the pond, and I see the value of being part of that community on a day to day basis.  Belonging to community comes with it's down-side - religious politics being a bit part of that, but I do know that the friendships, even the casual ones help me to be part of the place I've chosen to live!

So did I want dinner more than prayer - YES indeed I did - Am I going to burn in He** for not putting prayer above all else? Absolutely not, and I feel no shame in saying so!  - Would I have been happier with a good stew & a prayer of grace over the food - YES - but I think I have to accept that love and kindness come in all different sizes and just because it's not what I would personally do, doesn't necessarily make it wrong...

...now if only I could convince my lovely OH of that sentiment!