I moved in with my partner in 2016. He said he was happy to continue paying the bills himself as the house is his mum's, so we don't have a mortgage or pay rent - but he pays the mortgage on his mum's bungalow, which he built. He's now started moaning about his outgoings, so I worked out what I pay towards the household - for example, I do all the shopping - and it's more than his bills amount to. I've also bought every household item, such as bedding and utensils, and we split the cost of DIY 50-50, so I feel I'm already paying over and above for a house I'll never own. Should I offer to contribute more?
We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
We're aware that dates on the Forum are not currently showing correctly. Please bear with us while we get this fixed, and see Site feedback for updates.
Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards our household costs?

MSE_Kelvin
Posts: 375 MSE Staff

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.
If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
View past Money Moral Dilemmas.



0
Comments
-
So in effect you do have a mortgage, just not on the house you are living in. Household goods are used by both of you but how are you spending more on shopping than his bills if there is a mortgage involved?0
-
I think you as a couple need to sit down and outline your whole budget, all the income and all the outgoings. And then see if things seem fair. Maybe you pay more because you earn more. That's fair to a lot of people.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
"Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.” Nellie McClung2 -
My guess is he will inherit his mum’s bungalow, so I don’t think it is fair to expect you to contribute to something which is not going to be yours. You are facilitating his inheritance. I also pay for all the food shopping in a similar arrangement and ‘yes’ the amount far exceeds the total of all household bills. I regard it as offsetting me living in a nice property, but I would not consider paying more fair.0
-
It seems strange that you moved in with your partner in 2016 and this has only cropped up 8 years later. The two of you need to sit down together and analyse your out goings over the last couple of years or so to work out a fair arrangement for both of you moving forward. How come it's taken you so long though?1
-
As with 95% of these - have a conversation, don't ask us!
What's happened to make him complain *now*? Bills / mortgage for his mum's bungalow rising?
Is he just moaning or does he have trouble paying?
Does he know you're already paying more than he is for the place you're staying in?
(If he built his mum's bungalow, why is she paying a mortgage??)
Too many moving and unclear parts here for any of us to comment confidently and usefully.
2 -
I can only assume your grocery bill must be above average to equate to more than average household bills. Regardless, I feel every adult is obligated to pay for the roof over their head so I feel it is fair you pay rent to him so to speak - he just has the luck of the draw with you both being able to live in his mums house. My partner lives with me and pays all the bills as I pay all the mortgage - he made poor decisions when he as younger meaning he didn’t get on the property ladder.Should you marry, it will likely become partly yours anyway in the future. If not well, all should be paying for the roof over their head (being a dependent as an exception of course). Perhaps both note down what you feel is fair then come together to agree an approach.0
-
Are you saying that the mortgage, council tax, water, electricity and gas is less than the food bill? You must have very low outgoings in these areas if that’s the case. Why is your partner paying the mortgage on the house his mum is living in? You say his mum owns it but he built it. Is that in lieu of paying rent in the house you are living in. Does your partner own a property?0
-
You only pay your share of living costs, nothing toward your accomodation. You live rent-free, lucky you! That's a good deal, most of us would like such a deal. Your partner does pay for his accomodation, not for the house he lives in because he has an arrangement with his mother, but to enable him to live in that house he has a mortgage to pay for her accomodation, and by doing so he is providing your accomodation. It's irrelevant that it will eventually be his property, many landlords raise the deposit and then use the rent they receive from their tenants to pay the mortgage, - and the tenants know that they'll never own a brick of the property. Try sharing with someone else and suggesting you don't pay rent, regardless of their circumstances and whether they rented or had raised a deposit for a mortgage and eventual ownership. You ought to have been making an appropriate contribution for your accomodation from the beginning, perhaps this is now irritating your partner. It would most of us.0
-
I don't understand why you are not splitting everything 50/50.
If you are married then join your accounts, if you are not married then do what I do with my partner, you put all the stuff you buy into a spreadsheet, he puts all he buys into a spreadsheet, and at the end of the month you both compare the spreadsheets and whoever paid less pays for half of the difference to make it even.
To note that we also don't buy anything for the house before talking to each other, and any personal wants & hygiene products we pay with our own money and don't put it into our spreadsheets.0 -
This sums up modern life and the "it's not fair" attitude.
You are living in a house rent/mortgage free, so be careful what you ask for.
If you were paying rent the average is £1336 per month so I assume you're paying less than that for bills.
The house you are in is free, but his other house is mortgaged so he still has a mortgage to pay however you look at it and you're not paying towards that.
0
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 348.4K Banking & Borrowing
- 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 452.4K Spending & Discounts
- 241K Work, Benefits & Business
- 617.3K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 175.7K Life & Family
- 254.1K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards