Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards our household costs?

Ringo90

Just_An_Opinion said:

The house you are in is free, but his other house is mortgaged so he still has a mortgage to pay however you look at it and you're not paying towards that.

I understand that she will not own nor make any use of the bungalow. If I decided to get a mortgage on a place that is not intended to be shared with my husband/partner/family in the near future, I would consider it as something ON TOP of what I already have to pay for the place I live in, and would only take the mortgage if I can afford it as an extra. I wouldn't do so on the assumption my partner will pay for my groceries even though they have nothing to do with the bungalow.
Yes she is living rent free but so is he, and she's already contributing to that fairly with groceries and household items. The way this looks she doesn't own him anything. But of course, by all means, you need to sit down, outline your expenses and discuss.

gloriouslyhappy

keithyno.1 said:

It seems strange that you moved in with your partner in 2016 and this has only cropped up 8 years later. The two of you need to sit down together and analyse your out goings over the last couple of years or so to work out a fair arrangement for both of you moving forward. How come it's taken you so long though?

This ^ - I suggest you ask him to gather up his statements, you do the same, and set a time to sit down together to compare expenditure and sort out how you want to go forward, see if any changes are needed. It might be an idea to do this financial audit twice a year as prices are rising so rapidly.

eao

£1336 seems rather high as half the monthly rental of a house.  Do not pay any more.  You are sharing a house that your partner does not own, the owner, presumably an elderly lady might need it and you would be out with little notice.  You have no financial stake in the property and will never own a brick of it.
Look at similar rents for neighbouring properties then consider maximum 50% as your contribution and then 50% of other running expenses.
Remember, you are a single person with no equity in this house.

primrose_penguin

Prices have gone up a lot since 2016, and what your partner could afford then is obviously different now. You say he pays the mortgage on the bungalow he built for his Mum, back then mortgage rates were half what they are now, so if he is paying that plus council tax, water, electricity, gas etc. where you are living he probably is struggling. If you were buying or renting your own property you would have to pay either rent or mortgage plus utilities, food etc. so although I do not think you should contribute to his Mum's mortgage I do think you should be paying rent for living in her house. Like others have said you need to sit down together and work out a fair budget for both of you. You have lived there rent free for 8 years so I think you have been very fortunate that this situation has not cropped up before. It would be a shame to let this spoil your relationship, money worries can be one of the biggest causes of arguments in a partnership, it is better to sort it out now before bitterness creeps in.

Superfi

You don't say if mum is still living there as well, in which case your food bills are feeding three... even two of you, "Based on the latest ONS data for household spending, the average monthly spend per month is £275.17" (Forbes, 2024) which is probably similar to the bills he covers - both dependent on where you food shop, leccy usage, etc! Re. the goods you've bought - you bought them so they belong to you, I don't think they count in the expenditure conversation as you have every right to walk out and take them all with you. 
So in reponse to your query; I think you should offer to sit down with him and see where his money is going (in the house initially anyway!) and if you can help him cut costs with bills, maybe even the mortgage he's currently got, or help him find independent financial consult. There may be a more middle ground to be found regarding total living costs, but if you start looking at putting towards the mortgage (as rent presumably as the property is not in your name) then it would only be fair that the rest of the bills are then also split more equally, which might become tit for tat unnecessarily. 
Difficult situation as we don't know why he's 'moaning'; is it genuine, is he hoping for help, is it coercive?! Only you know! Look after yourself and always put yourself first.x

JayD

Maybe you should be having this conversation with him? 

If you can clearly lay out your feelings on the matter and support it with evidence here, to total strangers here, surely you can do so with your long term partner!

ZeroSum

Surely one of the things you do when you first move in together is come to an agreement on the finances. So this is an issue after 8 years?

badmemory

I hope you have savings as if you are not careful this arrangement will end & you will be left not able to even afford the deposit on a rental.  If you were helping to pay the mortgage on the property you live in then you may have got something after so long but I doubt paying a mortgage on someone elses property will do that.