NST September 2024: A Turtle soap opera

Thrifty_Taylor

Thanks @apple_muncher, he had a great day. Btw I'm always interested in your craft work, what are you making?

Well done folks on all the decluttering. It felt quite therapeutic throwing lots out if the project cupboard at work last week too!

Felt a bit flat this morning. Had work stuff & my 'dad' on my mind, weighing me down. But when I walked into my classroom, I saw my favourite teacher who taught the class last year part time, was covering the class this morning while the cyrrebt teacher had training. It worked me up, especially when I gave her a hug!

Helped one of my work besties put up fairy lights in the support rooms after dinner, before an open afternoon, so shared a few laughs too.

Finished the last 3 of the 20 items to be altered 🎉🎉🎉 & they're being collected tomorrow night. One less thing to be stressed about now 😃

Grateful for supportive people, laughter, & getting a major job out the way. Tomorrow night I'm relaxing & doing things for me!

laura_lau

Hello turtles, I've been absent for a few days as I have been fully swallowed up by the bedroom renovation works! The builders came the whole day Saturday and Sunday, which was tough, but by Sunday night they were done! Still a bit of work to do, but I ran out of allocated money (actually went above budget, as 1 extra day than anticipated was needed, so had to dip into my small emergency fund, luckily Friday is payday) and I wouldn't want to pay for another day of work of the builders, so OH and I are finishing stripping the wallpaper, filling gaps and sanding the walls, priming and painting them. We agreed on a colour that we like after three days of moving the paint samples around, and in the end is an grey hued off-white, which basically is cooler slightly toned down white. I am surprised by the choice, as I always thought I would choose a warmer white, but the oak floor is already very warm and the bed colour is a warm taupe, and actually the cooler white is the one that always looks right in all types of light. So soon we will have the paint and hopefully within the next couple of weeks we will be able to start putting the wardrobe back in and start emptying the living room. Bed will arrive on 21st October, so we are currently in good time.

My aim was also to have enough time when bringing the things back to the room, so I can also mindfully declutter with little effort, I only put back in after considering if I am using them, if I need them, and why I want to keep them. 

At work I started managing a project yesterday which I didn't want to take on (it's one of those projects that shouldn't really be a project, because multiple projects have already been worked on and have indeed failed because there is nothing we can actually change or even influence at our level) and this is weighing on my mind quite a bit. On top of it, it seems as the people in the project team have very different expectations and absolutely no intention in reaching an agreement on team accountabilities etc. I already had one team member reach out today to say "oh but we just need to do this and do that and that's it", which really annoyed me: if it's just a matter of this and that, why couldn't the two manager of the two teams involved just talk and agreed on it then? Why did they have to ask my team to step in and put up a project? My manager agrees with me, so we will see where the process takes us and she will step in later on if needed. When these things happen, they really make me reconsider my job. Is there anything else I should be doing, elsewhere? I feel like next year I will have a lot to think about in this sphere.

Plan for the rest of the day: finish work, make myself presentable and go to line dancing evening, then knit a bit and relax before bed.

Today is NSD #10.

Today I am grateful for my work bestie, the joy of choosing new paint, for it being a working from home day.

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for such a congenial atmosphere at the gym, for staying dry, for fresh bed linen, for a fab evening of entertainment/education at pip's school, for the evening not finishing late!

abundant1972

Good afternoon ⛅

Hi all... Sorry again for my absence - life has been crazy. In a nutshell - I am now having to go for pretty big surgery for my cancer in a few weeks. On top of that, I have moved to zero pay with work and have a tribunal hearing looming. October is not looking like a fun month at all!!! But - all things must pass - and I am trying to hold faith that what is for my Highest Good will come to pass. It is difficult though when faced with so many hurdles and challenges. 

So I have totally lost track of NSDs amongst the flood of appointments and stuff... I think I will probably bow out for October just because I will be in hospital for some of that. I may pop in and cheer you all on once I am back home and stuff. 

Thank you all for being amazing. Thanks for running September apple. Keep up the good fight and I will rejoin you to chip away at my debts again before you know it!!! 

Today I am grateful for:

1) Having a Solicitor!!!
2) A chance to cure the cancer even if it means life-altering surgery
3) A roof over my head

Today = NSD number who the heck knows!!!

Have a lovely rest of month and I will check in other side... not literally haha 👼🏻 

Much love xxx 

laura_lau

@abundant1972 so sorry to read you have to go for major surgery, I wish you all the best for your operation and for your recovery! Will be sending healing wishes over your way! Will be looking forward to have you back on the thread in November!

On my side I had some good news today, as my mum had her latest doctor's appointment to discuss the latest scan and she got the all clear from the pesky infection, and now she doesn't have to do another blood test and scan until March. So it is confirmed she will go to the mountains for a long-awaited holiday with my aunt, and I will fly Saturday morning very early to reach them. 
Next week will be a holiday week for me, but I do not expect it to be a spendy one, as the hotel we go has a spa and offers breakfast and dinner included, and it's really very generous portions and great quality, so we usually skip lunch or just have a quick snack mid-day.

This week was quite tough workwise, but it's almost done, just tomorrow with one last tough meeting, which was supposed to be face to face in the office, according to the invite, but today the PA of our VP sent out an email saying it was a mistake and it's actually an online meeting. Great news, however I had planned things in a certain way, and it would have made them easier earlier this week if I had known, but it's ok. I'm very glad I don't have to travel to the office tomorrow.

Today was another NSD, #11 I think. I'm only 4 NSD's away from target, and with tomorrow not going to the office it's making it much easier to not spend anything! I just need to be careful not to buy anything at the airport on Saturday, but since the flight is so early (flight is scheduled before 6AM) there will not be much chance to buy things anyway. I might want to have breakfast once I land, but my brother should be there to pick me up, and I am sneakily planning to suggest we have breakfast together and make him pay, with the excuse I do not carry any euros. Evil plan, I know, but it's for a good cause!

Today I am grateful for almost being on holiday, not having to go to the office tomorrow, for payday tomorrow.

weenancyinAmerica

@abundant1972 - Giving you ((((hugs)))) for your pending operation. I understand the problems you are having with your health and hope everything gets better with the operation.

I was just diagnosed with "multilevel degenerative spondylosis and facet arthropathy". I wish the doctor could explain things in a language that can be understood. All I know is that without my walker, I'm not going anywhere. Just a few feet is too much at the moment. They are sending me to a pain management place that was no help the last time I went. Oh well. One day at a time. 

grandmanerd

Hugs abundant and weenancy

DawnW

Hope all goes well for your surgery @abundant1972 and speedy recovery. Try not to worry too much about the work stuff, as your health is much more important. Easier said than done, I know.

((Hugs)) also to @weenancyinAmerica

beanielou

DawnW said:

Hope all goes well for your surgery @abundant1972 and speedy recovery. Try not to worry too much about the work stuff, as your health is mucu more important. Easier said than done, I know.

((Hugs)) also to @weenancyinAmerica

From me too.

It's my DS's birthday today.  First time I have not seen him around his birthday.

apple_muncher

Good Enough or Not ? – The eternal dilemma within ourselves

A recent movie caught my attention for the ‘I am not good enough’ syndrome. The son of the protagonist commits suicide, feeling he is not good enough to face his mom and dad, because he could not get into the IIT. It was as if he was screaming out to the parents…..”I am sorry I’m not what you wanted me to be!”.

The Protagonist then answers the million dollar question, “if someone asks me what do I want ….the life of my son or the IIT admission, I would choose my son’s life “. (Better late than never….wish this was a forethought, rather than an afterthought!)

Nothing will knock you down quicker than offering the best of yourself to someone and still not being good enough.

Not good enough – a common feeling amongst youth 

That had me thinking; who decides one is not good enough? According to whom are we not good enough?

In my capacity as a Career Counsellor, I see students battling this perennial sense of inadequacy..‘I am not good enough’; struggling with the self-image and an identity crisis. Anxiety and depression are rampant between ages 16 to 19. They suffer from attacks of self-criticism and doubt, their minds live in fear, in a prison of believed thoughts, good enough or not ? – The eternal dilemma within ourselves trying desperately to escape; or feeling doomed to a life sentence.

It is unspoken within every kid; as if saying to parents, teachers and the system…”Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of sh*t again. Would you like an award for that?!!”

Also a core belief amongst many accomplished adults

“I’m not good enough”, is one of the most common core beliefs that our minds hold. I feel, at some point in our lives, we all suffer this disease.

• My client did her MBA from a small town university, where she topped. Currently she is a senior manager at a MNC, but feels she is not good enough or adequate to handle life; or the role she is in. She lives in constant doubt, though there is no evidence of her incompetence. She is a divorcee, a single mother and battling loneliness because she feels she is not good enough. According to her, her hometown is a very tiny place on this planet and her pedigree is of no value globally;…..in her head she feels small, shrunk and nothing is good enough for her.

• My daughter did her MBA from Oxford University and she is working for Amazon; Oxford is no.1 ranked university globally, yet she feels she is ‘not good enough’, whenever I ask her about how her job’s going! Despite the fact she is really good at what she does, she can’t bring herself to acknowledge it truly. She is the poster child of feeling “not good enough”; And while it can manifest in people in different ways, some trying to prove their worthlessness through self-destruction, she went in the opposite direction; pushing hard to prove her worth through achievements. She is grasping onto external, socially defined goals, telling herself “when I achieve them, I’d be enough; to feel ok. Like, I’m ok. I stack up. I’m enough.” There was no other reason to pursue a goal than that. But, as I think you know, that feeling never comes. The goal comes and goes and you’re on to the next one. The bar moves. Constantly.

• My own biggest fear is that I’m not good enough. I have this voice in my head that I’ve been battling for years that says, “You’re not really talented enough. You don’t really deserve this.” I beat myself up constantly for not being perfect. I do tons of free work so people will think better of me. My self-worth is definitely somehow intertwined with what people think of my output. There is no such thing as “progress” in my head….

The mental conditioning starts right after birth

Imagine a new-born – open, vulnerable, unafraid to gaze into your eyes or out into the world from the depths of wonder and innocence.  Is this little one enough?

Fast forward through the messages from mom, dad, teachers, friends, partners, the advertising media in magazines, television, self-improvement books. That vast array of messages, that say you need to be smarter, prettier, stronger, thinner, taller, shorter, calmer, friendlier, have straighter teeth, a whiter smile, make more money, always be in control; and never ever be angry, sad or confused.

Add to that our innocent and often painful misinterpretations of why daddy left or mummy seemed angry or our lover broke up with us; and our self image keeps getting tarnished.

What does “good enough” even mean?

The funny thing is that the whole concept of “good enough” unravels when you investigate it.  Good enough for what? To whom? How much would you need to achieve to be enough? What would you have to get or be to be enough? To feel enough?

Feeling “not good enough” is painful. But, it is not permanent.

I started by questioning my definitions of ‘enough’. As I questioned, I heard my dad’s angry voice which was overly critical whenever I made a mistake. This resulted in my “not good enough syndrome”. I concluded that making mistakes is the worst thing in the world and lived in a constant fear of rejection. I internalized his message which strengthened my inner critic. This led to low self-esteem, shame and isolation.

Exploring the critic sitting inside

When I became aware of this voice, I started exploring my inner critic. I asked myself what I was afraid of and what I wanted, needed or longed for. I longed for acceptance, appreciation and security. I longed for purpose or wholeness. When I realized this, I started a practice of loving myself. I say practice, because that’s what it takes; practice.

To undo the years of conscious and unconscious thought patterns that make self-love conditional, will take time and patience. Permissions and affirmations like, “It is ok to make mistakes and learn from them” and “I am gentle with myself as I learn and grow” are helping me undo the lie of the “not good enough syndrome”.

If I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself?

Seriously, what would your life be like, if you lost the ability to think “I’m not good enough”? What would you feel? Freedom? Ease? Peace? Love?

That’s available to you right now; and all the time;…if you decide!

If you decide, you are enough..you are ok! just the way you are; And you are. I promise!

from infinumgrowth.com