Please help new and desperate

mrsmortenharket

I just want to offer you some ((((hugs))))

You shouldn't go backrupt.

You are now in control, before the situation got out of control.

All good advise has been given.

BUT seriously, keep a spending diary.

You'd be amazed where those odd pennies go. And they add up to £'s & £'s! The sweets for the kids after school, the odd magazine, the odd little treat to shut a child up in the supermarket etc etc! It all adds up.

Good Luck

love Lisa x

jpwhittle

i hope no one minds but just some other suggestions that really help are to keep an eye on this board there re always challenges coming up that people use to help eachother make a bit more money. join in one or two of these. the support you get is amazing and it keeps you motivated. everyone is in the same boat so its not to shameful.
try and get a bit extra income through things like daily clicks and slice the pie. they cost you nothing and you come out with a bit extra cash.
also a bit of fun if you can get into it. join the comps board and try and win some prizes. again it costs nothing and you can come away with some good stuff. dont rely on it but give it a go i got a few christmas presents from this and you sometimes find a nice little treat comes just for you just when you need it.

iim not saying this is the best way to sort out your debts. just knowing how you feel is showing that there are a few other little ways to help the situation that relly do help. pigsback is great for getting vouchers for christmas presents sign you and your husband up on different email accounts and it soon mounts up.
hope this helps as some light hearted advice
pauline

Jacks_xxx

jaapie wrote: »

Please can you help me I am finally trying to face up to my debt. I am 36, married with 2 children (3 & 4) My husband left me in charge of finances (big mistake) and I am now over 40,000 in debt I have never missed a payment and have a good credit rating the amount is making me ill and I cannot stop thinking about it I feel as though I am going to lose the house and ruin my childrens lives. I am so ashamed as it is due to not managing my finances and overspending when I was off with the children. I cannot sleep and it is making me feel ill. Here is my SOA any advice will be most appreciated as it is starting to affect all areas of my life.

Total Debt
15,000 - northern rock 5.7% 9 years
2,000 - northern rock 5.7% 10 years
15,000 - natwest 6.8% 7 years
6,500 - Barclaycard not 0%
3,860 - mbna not 0%

Outgoings (Debt)

Northern rock = 150.00
Northern rock = 25.00
Natwest = 230.00
Barclaycard = 125.00
Mbna = 75.00
total = £605

Outgoings (Household)
Mortgage = 587.00
Elec = 55.00
Gas = 35.00
Phone = 35.00
Water = 30.00
Car tax = 30.00
Life insurance = 18.00
Home insurance = 23.00
Council tax = 78.00
Sky = 45.00
TV licence = 10.00
Mobiles = 60.00
Total = 996.00

Incoming (monthly)
My Salary (part time) = 828.00
Husband = 1320.00
benefits = 160.00
Total 2,308.00

Thank you

Hiya sweetie pie, :hello:

I'm always telling my life story on here so apologies to all who have heard it (many many times ) before.

In August 2006 I reached the point that you're at now.

We were bringing in about £2.5k per month and we owed £96k. (not inc our mortgage) I thought bankruptcy was probably our only option but I was scared that we wouldn't be able to pay my sons college fee of £3.5k per year if we did it as all our credit would be cut off - and of course I was paying everything with credit by that point. :rolleyes:

I think the key to your solution will lie in the £700+ that isn't accounted for in your SOA so keeping track of all of your spending will be very important. That will probably mean getting OH on side as it's very difficult to do this if you're not both pulling in the same direction.

We've had to go from spending more than we earned every single month to paying out more than half what we earn in debt repayment and still staying in the black - but we'll be debt free by the end of 2008 I hope. (The snowball is still telling me March 2009 though! )

Also, Check this little lot out:

An invaluable tool to help you pay off debts the cheapest and fastest way:
http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

Internet, phone and Sky from £18 p/m:
http://packages.sky.com/buy/

Cut down your supermarket spend:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/....html?t=652959

Price comparison check on everything to make sure you're getting the best deals on everything - inc getting CCs with much lower interest rates or perhaps an interest free overdraft???:
http://www.uswitch.com/

And if you switch anything check to see if you can get cashback for doing it through this site:
http://www.quidco.com/

I found deep breaths and lots of :coffee: helped me get on top of it all.

Love Jacks xxx

pinkthinks

Hello there, big :grouphug:to you.

From personal experience, I can only recommend using the snowball calulator, and doing your budget, budget, budget!! We have managed to shift about £9000 of debt this year by various means, all thanks to this site and some very helpful people.

There are more seasoned MSErs on here than me who will be able to help you lots more, but I did want to say - you've got more money coming in than going out, which means that by this time next year you'll have knocked a big hole in that debt.

silkglade

Hi hun

Well done on posting your soa on here, can be a very daunting thing to do. and worrying too - to have complete strangers looking at your finances.

You are making a good start already and I think that you are making important and totally sound decisions - telling hubby is a really good choice as you now have his attention and support :T

I am not sure if you have had these suggestions made yet (did not read every post)

1st keep a spending diary - either on the computer or in a note book, write down EVERYTHING no matter how small.

Start meal planning - to start off check out everything that you have in your kitchen and see if you have anything that can make up meals - we do a weekly meal plan - I love this as then it is something that you have immediate control over - and if you have alot already stocked up at home then you will find that you can shop for next to nothing for a week or two.

I find it easier to shop and have a weekly amount for food. Obviously some weeks will be a little more expensive than others, but don't be too hard on yourselves if you do overspend once or twice.

I have to say (MY TURN TO RANT NOW) and I hardly ever rant...sorry but it has to be said.

I am very annoyed with a couple of posts on here...... HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT THIS PERSON AND THEIR FAMILY WILL PROBABLY LOSE THEIR HOME AND END UP BANKRUPT!!! HAVE YOU WALKED IN THEIR SHOES!! so much for being non judgemental and offering support - some people unfortunatly have to pick on those that are feeling low.

I know if is really difficult to do - BUT PLEASE totally ignore those comments and do not worry yoursely unduly.

As you have already told us.... You have never missed a payment AND you are able to make overpayments on your current debt.

I look forward to keeping track of how your getting on.

Good luck

barron_hard_up

jaapie wrote: »

Does anyone else also just live on cash and not use their cards at all. Finally please can someone tell me how I find the grocery challenge and help for shopping.
Thank you

I do the shopping at our house, regular saturday family shop as a back injury prevents the Barroness from lifting heavy bags. She plans the meals for the week, writes a shopping list for me with what is needed on it, and I go out and get it. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get bought.

We do have credit cards, but after getting to the point where I was fed up of never seeing them go down, I have reached the stage where they are there for two purposes, a) using a 1.9% APR for a life of balance transfer, and b) buying things which are budgetted for but will be paid for as soon as the statement comes in - ie a freezer which cost more than we would normally have carried in cash. Afew years back, we wouldn't have even used the credit card, just gone to the bank for the cash or just done without.

barron_hard_up

tallyhoh wrote: »

Are your Mobiles on contract? You could try PAYG & try not using them so much. I spend about £20 a year on mine, only use it when I really need to.

Fantastic, I thought there was only me here who felt like this about mobile phones. I think they are the biggest con on the planet, many have convinced themselves that they are an absolute need for daily life. I am reminded of a lttle verse I once heard, this isn't exact but it's along these lines:

There, there little luxury,
Don't you cry,
You'll soon be a neccessity,
By and by.....

barron_hard_up

littlemissclumsy wrote: »

Hello Jaapie and welcome.

I am very new here, but all i can say is that within the last 4 days my life has changed so much.

Since my first, scary post on here on Boxing Day I have:

• Faced up to my debts.
• Told my OH about them all.
• Contacted as many creditors as I can.
• Sorted out literally stacks of debt letters i had hidden away.
• Prioritised my life

and so much more! But the result is I am smiling!:rotfl:

Dont get me wrong, I know i have a long way to go but I feel so positive. I am expecting dark days but the fact that you have posted on here means you are smart enough and ready to face this.

Just want to say well done :T .

barron_hard_up

jaapie wrote: »

Thank you for your posts they have helped alot I feel I have to look at it in small chunks to be able to deal with this. I have shown my husband all these posts and he is really upset that I feel this awful and had not let him know how bad i was feeling and he is 100% behind me. I thought maybe if we started with this (please advise if this is going the right way.) My main problem is the credit cards and I feel this is what I need to deal with before they get more out of hand

Bills inc loans from the one account dd every month
put cc onto 0% and pay off 400.00 a month or put onto a loan?
Live on a weekly cash budget do not use cards
Do not shop in any major supermarkets

has anyone else come back from debts this large or is dithering dad right and I am going to lose my home and go bankrupt?

Loads of us have done or are coming back from the brink. The ones who didn't make it are the ones who never faced up to it.

Dithering Dad is just trying to help, being a northerner I understand his ''to the point'' manner of speech. However, I can understand that in your current state of anxiety, you have focussed in on the bankruptcy word - you naughty person you, dithering dad!! When you look at what he said, he made a lot of sense and wasn't taking any side swipes at you....

Anyway, going back to the orriginal question about coming back from this. In my own situation, a few years ago we lived in a new build house, detatched etc and because of my self employement going downhill, our circumstances changed. We moved house, reduced our mortgage by over £200 a month, and as by product also met wonderful neighbours, live in a lovely semi rural area, actaully have a house we like more than the last one and are over £200 a month better off!! Sorry, I repeated that last bit.

We are nine years into our jouney for freedom from debt, and are now at the point where we even budgeted a cruise into our financial year for 2006 and had a great time, even had a week in spain this April. True, we couldn't have done that in the early days, but we are at the most 18 months away from our only debt being our mortgage, and in April 2010 a small investment plan we have stayed with come hell or high water matures and will pay our mortgage off. I will be 50 three months before - what a birthday present!!

So yes, you will come back from the brink. A long journey starts with one small step, just keep plodding on and don't lose sight of the goal.

Don't write off using the big supermarkets, just the expensive ones. We don't use sainsbury's, but Morrison's are far less expensive and if you go in there with a pre prepared list and stick to it, you won't have any difficulty.

Dithering_Dad

silkglade wrote: »

I have to say (MY TURN TO RANT NOW) and I hardly ever rant...sorry but it has to be said.

I am very annoyed with a couple of posts on here...... HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT THIS PERSON AND THEIR FAMILY WILL PROBABLY LOSE THEIR HOME AND END UP BANKRUPT!!! HAVE YOU WALKED IN THEIR SHOES!! so much for being non judgemental and offering support - some people unfortunatly have to pick on those that are feeling low.

I actually said that unless the OP and her husband take control of their financies together, they may end up spiralling futher into debt and could probably lose their home and end up bankrupt. Are you trying to say that people with 40k of non-mortgage debt and one partner in denial could never go bankrupt/lose their home? There are times when a Reality Check, while scary, is necessary (in this case not for the OP, but for her husband).

I don't think it's 'picking on' someone to say how sorry I feel for them to have to shoulder all of the worry about the debt alone and that I think she will find it difficult to sort out without help from her partner. Seems to me that this is offering sympathy and good advice?

It's great to see from the OP's later postings that her OH has read some of the comments on this thread and seems to have taken notice. They are actually in a good position if they now start sorting themselves out because they have not missed any payments, and so their good credit rating will enable them to obtain 0% cards or cheaper credit. This will give them breathing space in order to start making a dent in the debt.

My rant was about unsupportive partners and how unfair it is that two people create the debt and only one person ends up dealing with it. Compared with this, your rant was rubbish.