Please help new and desperate

Debt_Free_Chick

Over what period has your debt built up?

The reason I ask, is that .... if you had only spent what's in the budget you've posted here, then in the past 12 months, you would have had accumulated savings of £14,500.

Over three years (but using these figures only) you would have had savings of £43,500. But, with £40k debt, you have actually spent £83k more than you should have done ..... according to the budget you've posted here (again, assuming the debt has built up over the past 3 years).

Now that £83k is not accurate - but it won't be far off unless your budget was drastically different. But not only have you spent the £40k debt, but you've also spent everything else you've earned, beyond these budgetted expenses.

The only reason for mentioning this is that it's vital you understand where you "fritter" money away. The only way to get a grasp on your future spending is to understand where it used to go in the past, so you can then make more informed decisions about spending in the future. It can't all be hubby's fags, unless he smoked 14 packets a day, every day for the last three years :rotfl: :rotfl:

Keeping a spending diary is a good idea ... but it will only show where your money goes in the next few weeks. And you're bound to be a bit more careful. But do it anyway.

I also suggest that you go back through all your bank statements and credit card statements and put the spending into a spreadsheet. Use the first column for the date and then across the first row, have headings for different categories. Start with the categories in your budget (the one here) and then add other categories where you can remember what you spent on what e.g. £600 on a new bed; £300 on new curtains .... or whatever.

If you can afford it (and according to your budget, you can), I strongly suggest that you get a copy of Microsoft Money to do this, instead of a spreadsheet. Once you enter the last 12 months spending and create a budget, you can run a simple report (one mouse click) to see where your money went, compared with where your budget tells you it should have gone. (I've just spent all morning looking at our spending, in Money, for the last 2 years. Split up with my (ex) partner and trying to sort out the finances).

I hope my post comes across as "kind" or, at the very least, tough-love as I really believe the suggestions will help you. It's not for me - or anyone else - to judge or criticise you.

We all want to see you crack this. And on the numbers you've posted, you'll do that easily - but only if you understand your past spending habits and make the right changes for the future.

Very best of luck. Keep posting and we'll help all we can

jaapie

It is tough love but I understand that and I need to address what has been said. I know it is not about my husbands cigarettes but that is something I cannot control and amounts to £154 a month. The debt it is mainly shopping, holidays, nice extras and not saying no to anything. I go to the supermarket and put more in the trolley than I need and make sure everyone including myself has treats also I shifted credit cards, didn't manage my money thought what difference will an extra 100.00 make on the credit card and then suddenly it all adds up and I do not know what to do anymore to make it right. I just know I cannot do it by myself anymore.

jaapie

Forgot to mention that my husband gets paid weekly and I get paid monthly. Which is the easiest way to budget.

Does anyone else also just live on cash and not use their cards at all. Finally please can someone tell me how I find the grocery challenge and help for shopping.
Thank you

tallyhoh

Are your Mobiles on contract? You could try PAYG & try not using them so much. I spend about £20 a year on mine, only use it when I really need to.

Good Luck with your hubbys quitting smoking. I finally managed it after 30 years.

tallyhoh

Grocery challenge & shopping are on "Money Saving Old Style" forum.

Dithering_Dad

jaapie wrote: »

My husband is aware of this but it does not worry him as we make the payments I just know we are reaching crisis point.

Sorry, I'm just going to have to have a bit of a rant here...

I find it so frustrating when I read about financial problems on the DFW board where one partner is 'put in charge' of the finances and is totally stressed out and panicking about their financial situation, and the other partner is completely carefree because they have abdicated all responsibilities. A partnership is just that, with both adults taking charge of the finances and working together to sort out their debts (and then to sort out their savings and investments).

What makes it even more annoying is that the partner who has been put in charge of the financies shoulders all of the worry and blames themselves for the situation, yet the other half continues to spend money and undermines any cutbacks made. This cycle continues to spiral downwards until the point is reached when both adults take ownership of the debts.

I'm not sure you've spiralled down far enough for your OH to start getting involved, though with 40k of debt and only £300 per month spare to overpay on them, you have to wonder if you'll be in the bankruptcy court before he helps you out!

---Rant over ---

Debt_Free_Chick

jaapie wrote: »

I just know I cannot do it by myself anymore.

No you can't. You need a joint budget and hubby needs to stick to it too.

I really suggest that you quietly look at all your past spending, do a budget and then sit down with him. You have to show him why you are, where you are. He's had a role in this, too. You might have been "managing the finances" but he's been spending too. Either on his own or by agreeing to joint spending that you couldn't actually afford.

Don't tackle him yet .... assemble "the evidence" Men tend to deal in cold, hard facts ... not "feelings"

I go to the supermarket and put more in the trolley than I need

Been there, done that I think we all have. I might be "Debt-Free" now ... but it wasn't always like that.

I only go to a supermarket once every three or four MONTHS! :eek: Honestly. I just stock up on "store cupboard" stuff ... all the non-perishables or stuff that can be frozen. And I go to Lidl. Whereas in my debt days, I went to Waitrose I even went to Fortnum & Mason when I worked in St James - and I joked that F&M was "the corner shop" :rotfl: I can justify every single penny of debt that I accumulated - we all can But it doesn't make it "right", if you see what I mean

I get milk delivered - yes, it's more expensive. But it's not, if your only alternative is to go to a supermarket for a pint of milk and come out having spent £15!!!!

I get my meat from a butcher - yes, it's more expensive. But it's not, if your only alternative is to go to a supermarket for a pound of mince and come out having spent £15!!!!

And I get my veg from a Farm Shop - yes, it's more expensive. But it's not, if your only alternative is to go to a supermarket for three carrots and come out having spent £15!!!!

Budget, budget, budget - and then stick to it.

The MoneySaving Old Style Board is great at helping you to create "meals out of nothing". Or, at least, meals out of what you've got in the freezer/cupboard. Had corned beef hash lately? (A can of corned beef is less than £1).

Do you buy Chicken breasts? Waste of money - buy a "rubber chicken". A whole chicken that will feed four, for four meals

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

YOU HAVE ENOUGH EXCESS INCOME, AFTER YOUR ESSENTIAL SPENDING, TO DO THIS

:j :j

Debt_Free_Chick

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

Sorry, I'm just going to have to have a bit of a rant here...

I find it so frustrating when I read about financial problems on the DFW board where one partner is 'put in charge' of the finances and is totally stressed out and panicking about their financial situation, and the other partner is completely carefree because they have abdicated all responsibilities. A partnership is just that, with both adults taking charge of the finances and working together to sort out their debts (and then to sort out their savings and investments).

What makes it even more annoying is that the partner who has been put in charge of the financies shoulders all of the worry and blames themselves for the situation, yet the other half continues to spend money and undermines any cutbacks made. This cycle continues to spiral downwards until the point is reached when both adults take ownership of the debts.

:T :T :T

I'm not sure you've spiralled down far enough for your OH to start getting involved, though with 40k of debt and only £300 per month spare to overpay on them, you have to wonder if you'll be in the bankruptcy court before he helps you out!

---Rant over ---

I honestly believe they can avoid that, but I understand your view. :T :A

smithywilko

Hi jaapie. I am pretty new to this site as well, having had my LBM in October this year. I was in a similar situation to you, with very nearly £40,000 worth of debt to my name and nothing to show for it.
My husband didnt know the full extent of it until it all came out in the Summer, and we sold our flat before things started getting really ugly.
It has taken me the last few months to recognise the reasons why I found it so easy to spend money that I hadnt got, and one of them was paying on plastic all the time. So, starting this month, I have made a special effort to take my monthly allowance out of the bank account and keep it at home so that I pay with cash for EVERYTHING. Then I can keep a much better track of it and hopefully it will stop me buying unnecessary things because it will feel like I'm paying for them!
Also, havent used it before but I found the grocery challenge in the 'Home, Work and Play' section of the forum, under 'Moneysaving Old Style'.

jaapie

don't know what to say to dithering dad he is right of course but the mention of bankrupcy court when someone is obviously very down is probably not the best also using this as an area to rant has just made me cry even more. It is me on here not my husband so you have ranted at me not my husband and made it worse as it highlights everything that is wrong. I know you probably meant to help but it wasn't maybe the best course of action.