Please help new and desperate

Browntoa

ignore the "ranters" on here Jappie, we have a few

99% of the members are helpful and not judgemental, at least you are the one taking steps to deal with things

it's slow on here as it's xmas but the experts will be alomg to give you "proper" advice on what to do

littlemissclumsy

Hello Jaapie and welcome.

I am very new here, but all i can say is that within the last 4 days my life has changed so much.

Since my first, scary post on here on Boxing Day I have:

• Faced up to my debts.
• Told my OH about them all.
• Contacted as many creditors as I can.
• Sorted out literally stacks of debt letters i had hidden away.
• Prioritised my life

and so much more! But the result is I am smiling!:rotfl:

Dont get me wrong, I know i have a long way to go but I feel so positive. I am expecting dark days but the fact that you have posted on here means you are smart enough and ready to face this.

Truly good luck to you,

Gemmzie

Hi jaapie, dithering dad can be a bit direct but he's is right. You need to get your OH on side otherwise everything you try to do will keep being undone. I've had to fight my father for months to get him on budget and it certainly does make things harder.
Keep posting and we can help

Dithering_Dad

jaapie wrote: »

don't know what to say to dithering dad he is right of course but the mention of bankrupcy court when someone is obviously very down is probably not the best also using this as an area to rant has just made me cry even more. It is me on here not my husband so you have ranted at me not my husband and made it worse as it highlights everything that is wrong. I know you probably meant to help but it wasn't maybe the best course of action.

Sorry if I made you more upset, that wasn't my intention. Basically I think you're in a tough situation and I feel bad for you that you have to shoulder all of the worry and concern about your finances. I feel this is really unfair to you and to other people in your situation.

I think the only way you can start to turn your problems around is if you both work together. You have tried to sort this on your own and it's clearly not working.

With debts of £40,000 there is little use in patting you on the hand and saying "there there, just disconnect Sky and do some batch cooking, the debt'll be gone in no time", because it simply isn't true. I'm afraid that unless you and your OH really get to grips with your spending, together as a couple you probably will end up losing your home and going bankrupt.

Wanna_Bee_Free

Hi Jaapie,

First of all welcome and try not to feel too stressed. It can all feel very overwhelming at the beginning but just take one step at time.

I can see you've had some really good advice already but noticed nobody answered a question you had earlier:

Does anyone else also just live on cash and not use their cards at all.

I have found keeping myself 100% to cash for my week to week spends really helps me control my spending. If I use cards it quickly add up without me realising it.

Next year I am going to work on being stricter and taking out cash on Monday each week. If I take out more I get tempted, in fact right now I am half way through week 1 Jan so need to work on not spending a week ahead of myself and having no cash the last week of the month!

I have a weekly amount for my small spends and then work to a monthly overall budget as I am paid monthly. If you are paid both weekly and monthly think about the timing of when money needs to go out. This year is a leap year and my first budget also didn't think about the fact that it's not 4 weeks in a month but 4.2 ish.

Hope this is helpful - you will be able to sort this, one step at a time.

Bee.

Keeping_Motivated

Would it help to give yourself and your husband a set amount of 'cash' each week that you have to live on and can not go over? Your husbands budget could include his cigarettes and any money that you have left each week (if any) can be carried over to the next week and eventually you may have enough for a little treat. I mean if you had £20 per week (pick your own figure) for little things would that be enough? No using your debit card or credit card for anything trivial?? It may get you both under some kind of control?

Also I don't know how you manage your banking but we have a current account that wages get paid in then each month a standing order goes into our bill account and the bills just roll out of that account by direct debit all month. I do not have a cash/debit card for the bill account so that I am not tempted to 'borrow' money for it. The money that is left in the current account is then money that I 'know' is ours and no direct debits to 'surprise' my through the month.

Although I don't have a huge debt you can see from my signature that I am not perfect but I have made some positive steps because of this site and I feel more in control.

Good luck

Keeping_Motivated

Sorry me again but also I now ALWAYS do my food shopping on line. I use discount codes that usually always covers the delivery charge and because I am not tempted while in the supermarket it is a more controlled shop.

I place the order then re read it and check that everything I have bought is 'valid' can make a meal and definately is needed and won't be wasted so this is how I have got my shopping bill down to £200 per month.

skint_spice

You can turn this around Jaapie, it would help if you involved your husband though as it's all joint debts and joint efforts will get you out of it quicker. He might go out and buy treats for you and the kids otherwise which will just add to the problem.
If you do apply for 0% cards make sure you cut up the old ones and the new and never use them. It's great to see how quickly things can go down if you do get 0% though.

You can do it, but try and get OH on board too. x

fletch3163

Hi there

You're getting sound advice from everyone on this thread. Some of it you're maybe not ready to hear but it's sound nonetheless. Littlemissclumsy up there has just brightened my day. You should go over to her thread (don't know how to do the clever link stuff:p ) and see how awful she felt at the beginning.

Regarding the living on cash thing, can I just say I found it a revelation last year when I did it (I plan to go back to it in January). I learned it from a programme called "Till Debt us do Part" that I found. It's a Canadian woman called Gail Val Oxley or something but basically you keep jars of money for various things and you keep a very strict spending diary. I kid you not, I saved about £600 in under three months doing this. Previously I couldn't have told you where the money went to because it was all unconscious spending.

I shall watch your situation with interest and truly wish you all the best.

MadCad

Hi Jaapie.

I was in a similar situation to you 2.5 years ago. 3 kids, on maternity leave - except my husband was completely in the dark. Our debts were around £16k with incomings around the same as yours - but that didn't make me worry any less.

I'm now down to £5400 debt - which WILL be completely gone by the end of November 2008. Here's what I did....(and continue to do).

If you are computer literate (and you sound like you might be), get yourself a spreadsheet of some kind - I use Excel. On it, list EVERYTHING outgoing every month. Add another line for 'additional expenses this month' and somewhere below the spreadsheet, note exactly what those expenses were. I.E. in March, I have £210 additional expenses and below I have explained this as car MOT & Tax. From April onwards I will be saving £25 a month to cover this expenditure for next year so that it doesn't come as a lump sum in 2009. Figure in absolutely EVERYTHING but also, figure in a weekly 'miscellaneous' amount for you & hubby. We have £25 a week (well, I do - hubby spends nothing). I have another smaller spreadsheet where I track where my £25 goes. I also have another smaller spreadsheet to track where our £80 a week shopping allowance goes. This week, I came away with £24.97 left over. It's a nice feeling.

It may sound like a lot of work - but once you have typed it all out once and sorted out your formulae, it really isn't. You NEED to have something that you can dip into, change figs as you spend/underspend and see exactly what's happening on a daily basis.

Some good advice previously - work out your meals a week in advance, what you need for those meals - and shop for that ALONE. When I first did this I found that our freezer contents & store cupboard alone kept us going for almost 3 months and I saved over just over £400 in that time alone. I'd put the left over money into a pot and was gobsmacked when at the end of the 3 months, realized how much was in there. I paid it straight off the credit card bill.

This is a turning point for you - a hard one, but if you do keep a really careful eye on absolutely every penny you spend, you will be heartened by what you find you are saving. Don't forget too about the little things that add up - like washing clothes on economy settings, replacing light bulbs for energy saving, watching how much water you use (have a bath and save the water for the kids to bath in after you!). If you have a power shower, turn the power setting down to it's lowest (they use a horrible amount of water). Turn your central heating down a little. Two years ago our heating was always set at 18 degrees - with me turning it up to 20 every now and then. Now it's always set on 16 degrees and if we're chilly, we put on a sweater/slippers.

Good luck & keep us posted x