Lab grown diamond engagement ring vs natural?

AdmanPea

saajan_12 said:

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.
It's something that is going to be worn every day (mine is) so the stone and design must be right.
OP - why do you feel that you can't ask your intended? (no reasons are obvious to me).

That's subjective IMO.. personally an engagement ring is a gift, and to me gifts are whatever the giver chose and wanted to give the recipient. Sure sometimes it won't be exactly to their taste, but personally what you gain in being able to choose, you lose in the "thought" from the giver. "Its the thought that counts" sort of attitude I guess. 
I do see the other side, but that's just my opinion. 

Yes this was what I was getting at with me choosing it. I assume it shows effort and thought on behalf of the giver. It’s like I’ve thought about it and done the work as opposed to putting money in a card for Xmas 😂

Pollycat

AdmanPea said:

saajan_12 said:

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.
It's something that is going to be worn every day (mine is) so the stone and design must be right.
OP - why do you feel that you can't ask your intended? (no reasons are obvious to me).

That's subjective IMO.. personally an engagement ring is a gift, and to me gifts are whatever the giver chose and wanted to give the recipient. Sure sometimes it won't be exactly to their taste, but personally what you gain in being able to choose, you lose in the "thought" from the giver. "Its the thought that counts" sort of attitude I guess. 
I do see the other side, but that's just my opinion. 

Yes this was what I was getting at with me choosing it. I assume it shows effort and thought on behalf of the giver. It’s like I’ve thought about it and done the work as opposed to putting money in a card for Xmas 😂

OK.
As you've decided to go with the surprise proposal, let's get back to the original questions you posed:

AdmanPea said:

Hi

For the first time in my life I’m looking at getting engaged and came across the lab grown diamond rings. They are obviously more cost effective and, depending on how you look at it, more ethical (a factor I’d like to consider). 

Would it be seen as ‘cheap’ to get one of these versus a traditional diamond ring? It’s difficult to ask my partner outright for obvious reasons but she’s generally a pretty socially conscious person. 

It depends if your fiancee-to-be thinks like this:

KittenChops said:

When my now husband and I got engaged, someone at work told me how he was supposed to be spending 2 months salary on a ring.  My response was that we wouldn't be getting married if he thought that was a good use of money!  My engagement ring cost maybe about £300 and my wedding ring was under £100.  In my view they're purely symbolic & the monetary value is irrelevant.
I also think that's it's old fashioned / sexist to be expecting the man to choose the 'perfect' ring before proposing.
Just my thoughts.

If she does, then a lab-created diamond is the way to go.

If she thinks like me and likes diamonds, it would be an ethically sourced diamond.
If money was no object, it would be a 2 carat IF colour D diamond.

FlorayG

OP, if you do decide to buy a 'surprise' ring and you want her to wear it, I would suggest you buy something 'flat' on the face rather then protruding, so that it's easy to wear all the time and not going to get snagged on things all day. Think of the practicalities for her of wearing it

Cressida100

Pollycat said:

Can you imagine the excitement of travelling to London by train with your fiance - both aged 18 - to go engagement ring shopping together in Hatton Garden (I worked for Civil Service and got a substantial discount)?
That was me 52 years ago.
I still remember that weekend even though we didn't actually get married.
We stayed overnight and saw 'A Clockwork Orange' at the cinema and ate at a Quality Inn - steak & chips.
Personally, I would prefer that approach to having someone buy me a ring that I didn't like - whether to maintain the surprise or the 'it's the thought that counts'.

It's up to the OP to decide whether to go for a lab-created diamond or a natural diamond.
Ans also up to him to decide whether to make it a surprise or a remembered event.

I love this post - yes I can imagine the excitement! Very romantic. 

DullGreyGuy

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.

Different strokes for different folks, the Mrs is the polar opposite, her view was (is?) that someone who's wanting to spend the rest of their life with her should know her well enough to buy an engagement ring that they believe she'd like. Similar the engagement is about two people joining so the proposers input should be more than just their bank balance. 

She's also sentimental over it... a certain online forum heavily frequented by US folks who want to display their wealth advocate upgrading the engagement ring every 5-10 years, especially if you married young, so that it stays appropriate to the current wealth and not the wealth you had when you graduated. She certainly disagrees with these as any future ring is just a ring not an engagement ring to her. 

LinLui said:

sammyjammy said:

I think for many it would be the one time in their life that social conscience might not come first.  If its lab grown some people are likely to be able to tell so she not going to want ot show it off.  Why not get a joke ring or something to propose and then let her decide.

Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds (https://www.queensmith.co.uk/diamond-guides/lab-grown-diamonds/lab-diamonds-vs-natural-diamonds) and nobody is going to be able to tell the difference unless they are examining it with some rather rarely found in everday life laboratory equipment. 

Do you know this from independent experience or online reading? Every seller of lab diamonds say this, many sellers of natural diamonds only say they can tell the difference. One manufacturer of lab diamonds initially say you need a host of high tech gadgetry to detect it but later on say a 30x loupe is sufficient. 

Certainly the link you provide is inaccurate as there are inclusions that you get in natural diamonds that dont occur in lab grown and similarly lab grown can have trapped nitrogen which won't happen in natural. Some sellers of both state it's difficult not impossible for a gemologist to tell using just a loupe but very easy to tell with a tester and these testers are becoming increasingly common. 


Some may also want to consider the "investment" aspect of it... the current thinking is that natural diamonds hold their value (at wholesale price not retail) whereas its likely synthetic diamonds will lose value over time as the ability to create them becomes wider available and cheaper. 

Interestingly De Beers did produce synthetic diamonds for 6 years but announced they were stopping this year for jewellery but still producing them for industrial purposes

Pollycat

DullGreyGuy said:

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.

Different strokes for different folks, the Mrs is the polar opposite, her view was (is?) that someone who's wanting to spend the rest of their life with her should know her well enough to buy an engagement ring that they believe she'd like. Similar the engagement is about two people joining so the proposers input should be more than just their bank balance. 

She's also sentimental over it... a certain online forum heavily frequented by US folks who want to display their wealth advocate upgrading the engagement ring every 5-10 years, especially if you married young, so that it stays appropriate to the current wealth and not the wealth you had when you graduated. She certainly disagrees with these as any future ring is just a ring not an engagement ring to her. 

Of course it's 'different strokes for different folks' - all threads on here demonstrate that.

I've been with my husband for 40 years.
He would still not be able to go and buy me a piece of jewellery that he'd know I'll love - even though he's sat with me in jewellers in various countries as I've chosen loose stones and settings.
That doesn't mean he doesn't know me well.
If the engagement is about two people joining, why shouldn't the person being proposed to have input too?

I've had my ring for 38 years and am still sentimental about it.
I wouldn't want to change it for whatever reason - regardless of what is trending in the US.

The fact that we chose it together and you bought your wife's as a surprise just shows that everyone is different.

That's why we should be back on topic regarding lab created diamonds v real ones rather than how the proposal is made.

I think it all depends on what opinion the OP's wife-to-be has regarding lab created diamonds v real ones and the cost of both.

flossymcfly

Pollycat said:

Just curious why he chose a lab created diamond.
Was price important or had you spoken about potential blood diamonds?

No, it wasn't something we had spoke about. He went round several jewellers and looked at a lot of rings but he said that when he saw mine he knew it was the one...he could see himself proposing with it. 

He also knew that if I picked myself I would be conscious of price and would maybe pick one I didn't like so much just because it was cheaper

LightFlare

The average person would t be able to tell the difference between the two anyway

If a potential partner is dismissive about what you buy/bought then you may take that as a red flag of things to come.

The partner should be happy with whatever YOU buy

Emmia

KittenChops said:

When my now husband and I got engaged, someone at work told me how he was supposed to be spending 2 months salary on a ring.  My response was that we wouldn't be getting married if he thought that was a good use of money!  My engagement ring cost maybe about £300 and my wedding ring was under £100.  In my view they're purely symbolic & the monetary value is irrelevant.
I also think that's it's old fashioned / sexist to be expecting the man to choose the 'perfect' ring before proposing.
Just my thoughts.

I think it needs to be a ring which the recipient is comfortable wearing, so metal colour so it matches her other jewellery (white gold or platinum will blend in with silver). And a practical smooth setting if it's getting worn daily - slim prongs look lovely for a diamond and show off the stone, but they can also break or get damaged easily, risking the stone getting lost in everyday wear.

For me, personally I wouldn't have wanted a ring worth a month's salary, I'd have been scared of getting mugged or losing it.

And I'd avoid Hatton Garden, we went when we got engaged and it was like Brick Lane curry houses, lots of being invited in and difficult to leave without buying...

Skiddaw1

Pollycat said:

saajan_12 said:

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.
It's something that is going to be worn every day (mine is) so the stone and design must be right.
OP - why do you feel that you can't ask your intended? (no reasons are obvious to me).

That's subjective IMO.. personally an engagement ring is a gift, and to me gifts are whatever the giver chose and wanted to give the recipient. Sure sometimes it won't be exactly to their taste, but personally what you gain in being able to choose, you lose in the "thought" from the giver. "Its the thought that counts" sort of attitude I guess. 
I do see the other side, but that's just my opinion. 

It is subjective.
It's my opinion.

Maybe it's because I only give gifts that I know 100% will be appreciated.
Ditto for gifts given to me.

I don't buy for many people (just my sister, OH and 2 friends) who I know really well so know really well what they like.
And they know really well what I like.

There's been lots of threads on here about gift buying.
I always say it's a waste of money if you're buying something for someone who may not appreciate your gift..

So, imho, someone spending a fair amount of money on an engagement ring in the hope that the recipient loves it is a potential waste of money - and that negates the 'it's the thought that counts' idea.

Can you imagine the excitement of travelling to London by train with your fiance - both aged 18 - to go engagement ring shopping together in Hatton Garden (I worked for Civil Service and got a substantial discount)?
That was me 52 years ago.
I still remember that weekend even though we didn't actually get married.
We stayed overnight and saw 'A Clockwork Orange' at the cinema and ate at a Quality Inn - steak & chips.
Personally, I would prefer that approach to having someone buy me a ring that I didn't like - whether to maintain the surprise or the 'it's the thought that counts'.

It's up to the OP to decide whether to go for a lab-created diamond or a natural diamond.
Ans also up to him to decide whether to make it a surprise or a remembered event.

I too can imagine the excitement...

Not quite the same, but I still remember Mr S & I picking up our wedding rings (we had them engraved) from the jeweller just before Christmas. We'd also collected our Christmas goose from the local butcher so were brandishing a large box containing said goose & giblets. We were also dripping wet as it was hammering it down and we'd had to queue outside the butcher's shop. Bet they loved us!