Lab grown diamond engagement ring vs natural?

AdmanPea

This is all very helpful thanks! 

I guess my not asking her is due to wanting to keep as much an element of surprise as possible. 

I also thought generally that the ring you propose with is the one they wear and that the idea is that the man tries to understand what would be wanted and so it’s a ‘thought gone into it’ sort of thing. However, I can see the merit in proposing with something blah and then going to shop together I just don’t know whether that makes it seem like I’m copping out? 

Emmia

AdmanPea said:

This is all very helpful thanks! 

I guess my not asking her is due to wanting to keep as much an element of surprise as possible. 

I also thought generally that the ring you propose with is the one they wear and that the idea is that the man tries to understand what would be wanted and so it’s a ‘thought gone into it’ sort of thing. However, I can see the merit in proposing with something blah and then going to shop together I just don’t know whether that makes it seem like I’m copping out? 

What if she hated your choice? It would be hard for her to tell you this potentially because you'd be upset...

I was proposed to by someone many years ago who used an enormous ring, which was frankly ugly and looked ridiculous on my hand (I have small hands and short fingers).

One of the many reasons we broke up is I didn't want to wear that ring, but he was adamant that I must... Which in hindsight was frankly a huge red warning sign for what marriage to him would have been like.

Pollycat

AdmanPea said:

This is all very helpful thanks! 

I guess my not asking her is due to wanting to keep as much an element of surprise as possible. 

I also thought generally that the ring you propose with is the one they wear and that the idea is that the man tries to understand what would be wanted and so it’s a ‘thought gone into it’ sort of thing. However, I can see the merit in proposing with something blah and then going to shop together I just don’t know whether that makes it seem like I’m copping out? 

Why do you think it's 'copping out' if you don't produce an expensive ring (that she may hate)?
You're asking her to be your wife and share her life with you.
I'm struggling to understand why anyone could take offence at that, especially when presented with the opportunity to look at hundreds of rings to choose from.

Tucosalamanca

The_Unready said:

At the end of the day a diamond is just an overpriced rock, with the prices artificially inflated by slick marketing campaigns and deliberate constriction of supply by the mining giants' monopoly!

Don't get sucked in by it all - just like gold and silver are just metals at the end of the day, there is no need to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds to line the pockets of the fat-cat mine owners.

Save the money instead and put it towards a deposit on a house!

Agreed, a quick visit to a few high street jewellers will quickly reveal what a scam it can be. 

Look at the cost of pre-loved jewellery or even see what Costco sells new for, the difference is huge.

RRP and 'sale' prices are an artificial market for people who don't know any better.
Of course there are exceptions but as they say, 'a fool and his money are easily parted'...

Skiddaw1

She might even prefer something other than a ring. In my case (and to my delight ) Mr S bought me some engagement fell-walking boots.

I'd propose first and take it from there.

flossymcfly

I'm quite taken aback by some of the comments...but each to their own.

My engagement ring is a lab grown diamond, doesn't bother me at all and, as others have said, you can't tell the difference unless you are a jeweller using specialised equipment - maybe not even then! Nobody has ever asked me if it's a lab grown or natural diamond, I don't think that's something that normal people do.

I love my ring, but I would have been a bit disappointed if my DH had proposed with a joke ring and then we went shopping for a real one. Part of the love is because he saw the ring and thought it was 'the one'. Even if it wasn't to my taste I would still have worn it because it means something. I can never understand people who upgrade or change their engagement ring but, as I say, each to their own!

Pollycat

flossymcfly said:

I'm quite taken aback by some of the comments...but each to their own.

My engagement ring is a lab grown diamond, doesn't bother me at all and, as others have said, you can't tell the difference unless you are a jeweller using specialised equipment - maybe not even then! Nobody has ever asked me if it's a lab grown or natural diamond, I don't think that's something that normal people do.

I love my ring, but I would have been a bit disappointed if my DH had proposed with a joke ring and then we went shopping for a real one. Part of the love is because he saw the ring and thought it was 'the one'. Even if it wasn't to my taste I would still have worn it because it means something. I can never understand people who upgrade or change their engagement ring but, as I say, each to their own!

Just curious why he chose a lab created diamond.
Was price important or had you spoken about potential blood diamonds?

saajan_12

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.
It's something that is going to be worn every day (mine is) so the stone and design must be right.
OP - why do you feel that you can't ask your intended? (no reasons are obvious to me).

That's subjective IMO.. personally an engagement ring is a gift, and to me gifts are whatever the giver chose and wanted to give the recipient. Sure sometimes it won't be exactly to their taste, but personally what you gain in being able to choose, you lose in the "thought" from the giver. "Its the thought that counts" sort of attitude I guess. 
I do see the other side, but that's just my opinion. 

Pollycat

saajan_12 said:

Pollycat said:

I wouldn't want someone to choose something so special for me without consulting me.
It's something that is going to be worn every day (mine is) so the stone and design must be right.
OP - why do you feel that you can't ask your intended? (no reasons are obvious to me).

That's subjective IMO.. personally an engagement ring is a gift, and to me gifts are whatever the giver chose and wanted to give the recipient. Sure sometimes it won't be exactly to their taste, but personally what you gain in being able to choose, you lose in the "thought" from the giver. "Its the thought that counts" sort of attitude I guess. 
I do see the other side, but that's just my opinion. 

It is subjective.
It's my opinion.

Maybe it's because I only give gifts that I know 100% will be appreciated.
Ditto for gifts given to me.

I don't buy for many people (just my sister, OH and 2 friends) who I know really well so know really well what they like.
And they know really well what I like.

There's been lots of threads on here about gift buying.
I always say it's a waste of money if you're buying something for someone who may not appreciate your gift..

So, imho, someone spending a fair amount of money on an engagement ring in the hope that the recipient loves it is a potential waste of money - and that negates the 'it's the thought that counts' idea.

Can you imagine the excitement of travelling to London by train with your fiance - both aged 18 - to go engagement ring shopping together in Hatton Garden (I worked for Civil Service and got a substantial discount)?
That was me 52 years ago.
I still remember that weekend even though we didn't actually get married.
We stayed overnight and saw 'A Clockwork Orange' at the cinema and ate at a Quality Inn - steak & chips.
Personally, I would prefer that approach to having someone buy me a ring that I didn't like - whether to maintain the surprise or the 'it's the thought that counts'.

It's up to the OP to decide whether to go for a lab-created diamond or a natural diamond.
Ans also up to him to decide whether to make it a surprise or a remembered event.

KittenChops

When my now husband and I got engaged, someone at work told me how he was supposed to be spending 2 months salary on a ring.  My response was that we wouldn't be getting married if he thought that was a good use of money!  My engagement ring cost maybe about £300 and my wedding ring was under £100.  In my view they're purely symbolic & the monetary value is irrelevant.
I also think that's it's old fashioned / sexist to be expecting the man to choose the 'perfect' ring before proposing.
Just my thoughts.