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Parent moving to care home, wants me to live in her house with my family, what about my sister?

This is quite a likely scenario, my mother has been diagnosed with early stage alzheimers, she's expressed a preference for moving to a care home (when the time comes she needs full-time care, and I'm hoping a care annuity from her savings can cover this), and for me to move into her house with my wife and child. I would like to do this because it's the house I grew up in and it would suit my family perfectly.

Question is, how do I sort this out with my sister? I could sell my house pay off my mortgage and give her what is left, but this would be nowhere near her full share of the house value, I think I'd need to take out a new mortgage to fully cover her share and even then the most I could borrow might not be enough.

Other people must have been in this situation before, I'm wondering what arrangements people come to.

To give some numbers, I think I've got about 300k in equity in my house that I'd give to my sister. According to zoopla my mother's house is worth about 1.3M (hard to believe, because it's just an average sized three bed detached, but it's got a big garden - similar houses sold in this street end up demolished and replaced with flats).

Is there any hope I could do this without requiring a lot of generosity from my sister?



  • Hoenir
    Hoenir Posts: 2,989 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper
    Has your mother written a will ? 

    Has your mother actually suggested you buy the house not just live in it, for the foreseeable future?
  • p00hsticks
    p00hsticks Posts: 13,170 Forumite
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    edited 11 June at 6:21PM
    Sell your house, pay of the mortgage, move into mothers home and pay her rent. 

    As an aside - assuming that your mother still has capacity, then if she doesn't t already have PoAs in place get her to make them (there are two types - Finance & Property and Heath & Welfare). 
  • OldMusicGuy
    OldMusicGuy Posts: 1,766 Forumite
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    edited 11 June at 6:45PM
    Your mother is not thinking through the implications of this. It sounds simple, but isn't. 

    The bottom line IMO is she needs to think backwards from what happens when she dies. She needs to write a will and decide how she will divide up her estate. If she is going to leave it equally to you and your sister and the house is the major asset, then if you can't afford to buy your sister out you will be in a difficult situation. Does your mother want you to inherit more than your sister? If not, she is going to potentially cause you all pain that will become apparent when she dies. Unless your sister is prepared to be very generous to you. And if she does write the will to leave more to you than your sister, the pain may become apparent now......

    What does her current will say? 
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 19,726 Forumite
    First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped! First Post Name Dropper
    Will your mother still own the house and you will live there rent free?

    Have you considered if IHT will be due when your mother dies?
  • Jemma01
    Jemma01 Posts: 165 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think you'll be taking a risk moving into someone else's home that you can't actually afford. What if it needs to be sold to cover her care fees? I suggest you stay in your house, and rent your mum's house to help her pay her fees.
    I'm FTB, not an expert, all my comments are from personal experience and not a professional advice.
  • Sportacus
    Sportacus Posts: 246 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    She has a will and it does divide everything equally between me and my sister. She wants me to live in the house so that her only grand daughter (my daughter) grows up there.

    My mother has enough savings to cover a care annuity without selling the house, but should it not be enough then yes, I will have to pay the extra needed, probably having to sell this house and downsize to do so, and I accept this is a possibility.

    My sister lives over 100 miles away, but would like to see the house stay in the family too. The question is, is there are way to pay off her share? Or at least pay as much as possible of it now, and leave her as shared owner of the house until I can find a way to pay off the rest (which might be never).
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 33,377 Forumite
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    edited 12 June at 10:11AM
    So you and your sister would be looking to buy the house from your mother at the point she goes into care?
    I am still unclear about how the shares come in while your mother is still alive? Is she talking about gifting it to you and your sister because then deprivation of assets is going to kick in? And possibly various tax implications for your sister if she is not living there. 
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Sportacus
    Sportacus Posts: 246 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Thanks all, I guess that unless I win the premium bonds jackpot, that this idea is a non-starter. I'll just have to come to terms with the likelihood that my beloved childhood home will be demolished by the developer who'll likely buy it, I don't think many people appreciate how upsetting this is.
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