Parent moving to care home, wants me to live in her house with my family, what about my sister?

elsien

I have to be honest I don't understand because we moved house (and country) several times when I was a child.
And my neither of my parents had any wish to buy their family homes  to live in when their parents moved into care or passed away.  I just don't think that you can go back anyway; things are different and more simple when you are a child and you can't really go back to that. 

Clearly it means more to you and I'm sorry you can't make it work. I just think you are probably in a minority (aside from the landed gentry passing houses down through more than one generation.)

thegreenone

[Deleted User] said:

Thanks all, I guess that unless I win the premium bonds jackpot, that this idea is a non-starter. I'll just have to come to terms with the likelihood that my beloved childhood home will be demolished by the developer who'll likely buy it, I don't think many people appreciate how upsetting this is.

People do understand but as there are so many posts on here where a family member is living in the family home but refuses to move out after parents death.  The other sibling gets nothing until they can forcibly remove their sibling, which causes untold damage to the wider family relations.  I know you said that you are all 'on the same page' now but in the future.....?

Can you and your wife raise a £1million mortgage? 

Sit down with your Mum and sister ALONE and see if you can come up with any strategies.  No partners.  If you and your sister are prepared to be landlords, do it until Mum passes away, to add to her estate, if all her care home fees are covered.  However, I think seeing other people living in your childhood home will be very difficult for you.

I do hope you, your Mum and your sister can find a solution.  Any solution.  But be prepared that it might not be the one everyone really wants.

sheramber

Has your mother discussed waht she wants  with your sister?

Savvy_Sue

We do see these nostalgic posts about losing 'the family home' reasonably regularly, but I am another of the unsentimental ones who feel that once it's no longer 'the' place for family gatherings, no longer the place where grandparents spoil their grandchildren rotten, no longer the place where all the old furniture is there to be explored ... then there need to be really really good reasons for hanging onto it. 

And remember, you don't have to go and look at what happens to it if it's going to upset you. Also you can choose who you sell to! If you and your sister don't mind not selling for the highest price, you can choose to sell to another family rather than a developer. 

To be fair, my parents moved on twice from my 'childhood' homes (yes, we moved when I was a child), and I am fairly sure that drastic action was taken by whoever moved in every time. Their final home was absolutely gutted, and I did drive past that a couple of times, noting that the bathrooms had been completely replaced, and probably the kitchens too. It was a strange and over-extended house and needed a lot of work. But then, we knew we were selling to a developer. 

We did rescue quite a few plants from the garden - mum had done a lot gardening in pots, which helped enormously! 

[Deleted User]

Savvy_Sue said:

...

you can choose to sell to another family rather than a developer. ...

you can't though, the developers send round employees to view the house who pose as 'nice young couples', and the estate agents will tell you anything.

Malthusian

[Deleted User] said:

you can't though, the developers send round employees to view the house who pose as 'nice young couples', and the estate agents will tell you anything.

But at some point the "nice young couple" has to actually pay you some money for the house, and if the nice young couple has a Companies House number and the conveyancing paperwork says "Nice Young Couple (Totally Not a Developer) South West Limited" as the purchaser, it is a bit of a giveaway.

However that is by the by, because if you sell it to a family under market value in an area ripe for development, eventually they will cash in the free money you gave them by selling to a developer at market value.

The correct financial advice here is to be found in First Letter to the Corinthians chapter 13 verse 11.

sheramber

If developers are buying up all the neighbouring properties, maybe consider if you woul want to live there surrounded by new built blocks of flats?

Mands

[Deleted User] said:

I'll just have to come to terms with the likelihood that my beloved childhood home will be demolished by the developer who'll likely buy it, I don't think many people appreciate how upsetting this is.

You understand that it's possible for two things to be true at once? 

That people here can be sympathetic to the loss of your childhood home AND not be able to see a way for you to take it over whilst being financially fair to your sister. 

BungalowBel

elsien said:

I have to be honest I don't understand because we moved house (and country) several times when I was a child.
And my neither of my parents had any wish to buy their family homes  to live in when their parents moved into care or passed away.  I just don't think that you can go back anyway; things are different and more simple when you are a child and you can't really go back to that. 

Clearly it means more to you and I'm sorry you can't make it work. I just think you are probably in a minority (aside from the landed gentry passing houses down through more than one generation.)

My friend was very upset when she saw that the people who had bought her childhood home were putting extensions on and changing the garden.  She now avoids the road so she doesn't have to see it.

I personally do not understand this, but obviously it is very distressing to some people.

Newly_retired

Personally I am delighted on the rare occasions when I pass by my parents' former home- new windows, tidy garden,my parents' former home and see it in good shape - new windows ( and electrics, central heating etc ) and a tidy garden - all the things they couldn't cope with latterly. 
The grandchildren did not want to buy it, we had jobs too far away, and it needed to be sold to pay for mum's care costs.
Be practical not sentimental.