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Friend is annoyed I am not going to a game with him

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Me any my best friend have gone to rugby games together since we were in primary school. There is a game coming up in a few weeks that he really wanted to go to, and so do I, however the game is a week after my girlfriend is due to give birth so I told him months ago I wouldn't be going and he seemed with it. But now that the game is almost here he keeps making snide comments about me not going.

I keep telling him that 1. the match is in London (we live up North) so we would be out the house from early morning to late at night so I wouldn't feel comfortable with leaving my girlfriend at home with a baby who is a few days old for that length of time. And 2. if the baby ends up being late then I run the risk of potentially being in London when my girlfriends waters break and then having to try and find my way back. But he doesn't seem to be paying any attention to this.

This is mine and my girlfriends first baby so everything will be new to us so I don't want the added stress of my friend being the way he is. I feel like I have made a grown up decision here but he doesn't seem to think that way. What should I do?
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  • MikeL93
    MikeL93 Posts: 88 Forumite
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    just reiterate the reasons why you can't go (which are totally reasonable by the way - but even if that wasn't the case, it is absolutely your right to choose if you want to go or not).

    Tell him you're stressed by the impending birth, as all parents to be are (does he have kids himself?).

    If you do have a few days old baby by the day of the match, you'll likely both be knackered and your gf may not be fully recovered so you NEED to be at home with her, as well as probably also WANTING to be at home. There will be plenty of rugby matches in the future!

    Congratulations, and good luck!


    He does have a kid himself but the kid was born during lockdown when he was furloughed so I guess it didn't have the same disruption to his life as the whole world was on lockdown.

    It is a final he will be missing in a few weeks and I am just as gutted about is as he is but after having talks with my girlfriend and another friend who went to a final a few years ago a few weeks after his daughter was born and told me how guilty he felt going I just know I'd feel the same way.
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 19,726 Forumite
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    Ignore his snide remarks.

    Is there any reason he cannot go on his own?
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,254 Forumite
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    sheramber said:
    Ignore his snide remarks.

    Is there any reason he cannot go on his own?
    And presumably there are arrangements for supporters to get there which he could get involved in.

    If DH had contemplated such a trip, I'd have expressed a few strong opinions! 
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • bouicca21
    bouicca21 Posts: 6,547 Forumite
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    Why can’t he go on his own?
  • Angelica123
    Angelica123 Posts: 220 Forumite
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    Your friend is being unreasonable. There is no conceivable way that you could realistically make the rugby match (and enjoy it). I understand that he's disappointed but his reaction is not what I would expect from a friend especially one who had experience of fatherhood. Even if your reason for not going was that you just didn't want to - he should accept that and move on. 

    He could easily go on alone or ask someone else to go instead. There is no reason that he has to miss it at all and it's unreasonable that he is guilt tripping when he has multiple ways in which he could still attend the final. 

    It sounds like he may not be the most hands on father himself, but he will have to accept that you will not be available in the same way once your kid is here. Unfortunately, many friendships can change once kids come into the picture. 
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,871 Forumite
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    If he can't understand that what is going on in your life is far more important than a sports game, he's not a friend.

    Personally, I would tell him that I don't like his snide remarks and if he doesn't stop, he'll be looking for someone else to go to games with.

    I'll remind you of this thread you started almost a year ago:

    My friend is rude and ignorant — MoneySavingExpert Forum

    Did you take the advice given in that thread?

    Here's what I said:
    Pollycat said:
    I think you need to understand the definition of friend.
    The person you describe is not a friend.
    He is a user.
    Either explain to him how you expect him to behave or cut him out of your life.
    Well...that's what I'd do.



  • Silvertabby
    Silvertabby Posts: 9,193 Forumite
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    edited 22 May at 9:29AM
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    So that's it - this so-called friend doesn't just want your 'company' at the rugby match, he wants you to be his unpaid driver.

    Tell him to jog on.  The free rides are over.
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