Teenagers Pocket Money

Emily_Joy

TheBanker said:

Emily_Joy said:

To me it sounds like the mum wants to be in total control of what her son does and what he buys. If he wants to buy a present for his friend, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to ask a girl for an ice cream, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to go to a cinema with his peers, he needs to ask his mum. It sounds somewhat unreasonable. It is only natural for a 14 years old boy to want to make all these decisions for himself, without  the need to check with his mum.  It would have been much better for his self-esteem to have a small weekly allowance to spend as he see fit.

When you put it like that it sounds like she's trying to control him, but she's not really. 

As far as I know it's rare for her to say 'no' when he asks for day-to-day things, she normally gives him the money.

And she doesn't try to control him in other ways really, he's allowed to go out with his friends and so on. There are obviously rules about homework being done and knowing where he is, and being home by a certain time, but they don't seem excessive rules to me.

In my opinion (and I realise at least one poster will shoot me down for daring to have a view on this!) she is sometimes slightly over protective of him, and I'm not sure she always remembers that he'll be an adult in a few years. I know that's easy for me to say, given he's not my child. 

Anyway, I think she's come round to the idea of him having a bank account with a small allowance to cover social activities, snacks while he's out and about etc. She'll still pay for his school lunches, football sessions, phone and clothes, the bank account is to replace the bits of cash she gives him every now and again for cinema trips etc.

Apologies if it was too harsh. When my brothers and I were teenagers, the money were very tight, but our mum always gave my brothers and me a bit of money to spend as we wanted. I seem to recall I had about 1/5 of what my classmates had. This was not to educate us about money, but to give us some financial independence. 

Now, a couple decades later, my brothers and I happily pay for our parents to go on posh holidays, like ocean cruises, just because it feels a good thing to do.

elsien

TheBanker said:

Emily_Joy said:

To me it sounds like the mum wants to be in total control of what her son does and what he buys. If he wants to buy a present for his friend, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to ask a girl for an ice cream, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to go to a cinema with his peers, he needs to ask his mum. It sounds somewhat unreasonable. It is only natural for a 14 years old boy to want to make all these decisions for himself, without  the need to check with his mum.  It would have been much better for his self-esteem to have a small weekly allowance to spend as he see fit.

When you put it like that it sounds like she's trying to control him, but she's not really. 

As far as I know it's rare for her to say 'no' when he asks for day-to-day things, she normally gives him the money.

And she doesn't try to control him in other ways really, he's allowed to go out with his friends and so on. There are obviously rules about homework being done and knowing where he is, and being home by a certain time, but they don't seem excessive rules to me.

In my opinion (and I realise at least one poster will shoot me down for daring to have a view on this!) she is sometimes slightly over protective of him, and I'm not sure she always remembers that he'll be an adult in a few years. I know that's easy for me to say, given he's not my child. 

Anyway, I think she's come round to the idea of him having a bank account with a small allowance to cover social activities, snacks while he's out and about etc. She'll still pay for his school lunches, football sessions, phone and clothes, the bank account is to replace the bits of cash she gives him every now and again for cinema trips etc.

Well they shouldn't do. You are in a relationship. You may be leaving the decisions to her as the parent but I don't know why anyone would be shooting you down for supporting the son in a positive way when he asks, by bouncing ideas around with mum? 

TheBanker

Emily_Joy said:

TheBanker said:

Emily_Joy said:

To me it sounds like the mum wants to be in total control of what her son does and what he buys. If he wants to buy a present for his friend, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to ask a girl for an ice cream, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to go to a cinema with his peers, he needs to ask his mum. It sounds somewhat unreasonable. It is only natural for a 14 years old boy to want to make all these decisions for himself, without  the need to check with his mum.  It would have been much better for his self-esteem to have a small weekly allowance to spend as he see fit.

When you put it like that it sounds like she's trying to control him, but she's not really. 

As far as I know it's rare for her to say 'no' when he asks for day-to-day things, she normally gives him the money.

And she doesn't try to control him in other ways really, he's allowed to go out with his friends and so on. There are obviously rules about homework being done and knowing where he is, and being home by a certain time, but they don't seem excessive rules to me.

In my opinion (and I realise at least one poster will shoot me down for daring to have a view on this!) she is sometimes slightly over protective of him, and I'm not sure she always remembers that he'll be an adult in a few years. I know that's easy for me to say, given he's not my child. 

Anyway, I think she's come round to the idea of him having a bank account with a small allowance to cover social activities, snacks while he's out and about etc. She'll still pay for his school lunches, football sessions, phone and clothes, the bank account is to replace the bits of cash she gives him every now and again for cinema trips etc.

Apologies if it was too harsh. When my brothers and I were teenagers, the money were very tight, but our mum always gave my brothers and me a bit of money to spend as we wanted. I seem to recall I had about 1/5 of what my classmates had. This was not to educate us about money, but to give us some financial independence. 

Now, a couple decades later, my brothers and I happily pay for our parents to go on posh holidays, like ocean cruises, just because it feels a good thing to do.

No apology needed, I can see why you thought that based on earlier posts.

TheBanker

His mum's agreed he can have a bank account and they've asked me to help him get it set up. For those whose kids have bank accounts, is the Nationwide Flex One account any good?

His mum doesn't have any Nationwide accounts but I don't think this is a requirement. I've looked at the list of accounts in the MSE article (https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/cards-for-under-18s/). I've ruled out pre-paid cards because most of them charge a fee. Ideally we want to open it online, so I think either Nationwide or Santander are the best options. 

What attracts me to Nationwide is the ability to open it online, and the linked Savings Account which I think might come in useful depending on how he decides to use his money. 

His mum has said she will give him £30 to get him started, and then £10 per week. From this he needs to pay for any social activities e.g. cinema trips or going to town with his friends, as well as any food or drinks he wants while he's out. He'll need to save himself for any bigger 'wants' (although he will still get Christmas and Birthday gifts). Mum will still pay for basic clothes, phone, football sessions, school lunch, school bus pass, school trips and anything else related to school e.g. stationery and revision guides. If he wants 'designer' (i.e. non basic) clothes or trainers then he has to save up for these. 

I have said I will also give him £30 to get him started but I will suggest he puts 'my' £30 into the savings account and keeps it back for unplanned expenses and tries to add to it so he's got some money for bigger purchases e.g computer games or trainers. 

Mum made having the account conditional on me giving him a lesson in budgeting. Fortunatly my work has some good material we sometimes use in schools which I can use. I'll also gently warn him of the risk of becoming a money mule (scarey, but through my work I've heard of kids his age get caught up in this).

Does this all sound reasonable? Having £60 seems a lot, but it's not really. It's a chance for him to prove to his mum he can be responsible, but if he does spend it all on rubbish it's not the end of the world. 

Is there anything we've missed?

kimwp

I've just read the whole thread, it was a lovely, positive read!

Perhaps suggest the idea of regular savings - maybe putting £1-2 a week from his £10 into his savings pot?

And also an age-appropriate discussion on spending in line with his values? As an adult, this would be focussing spend (and time!) on hobbies that bring you fulfillment or help you progress in your career or save for early retirement (or whatever your goals and values are) rather than spending just because. Maybe as a 14 yo managing his fun spends, this would be thinking what brings him the most joy? 

kempiejon

When I was a 14 year old I was trying to find ways to get knives, fireworks, brandy and fags, are kids different these days?
Ah no it's OK England have the best kids at drinking and vaping.

marcia_

kempiejon said:

When I was a 14 year old I was trying to find ways to get knives, fireworks, brandy and fags, are kids different these days?
Ah no it's OK England have the best kids at drinking and vaping.

Knives, really 🙄 

Emily_Joy

TheBanker said:

His mum has said she will give him £30 to get him started, and then £10 per week.  I have said I will also give him £30 to get him started but I will suggest he puts 'my' £30 into the savings account.

Does this all sound reasonable? Having £60 seems a lot, but it's not really. It's a chance for him to prove to his mum he can be responsible, but if he does spend it all on rubbish it's not the end of the world. 

Is there anything we've missed?

£30 is not enough to generate any interest one could possibly notice. £60 seems to be quite a lot for someone who is not used to have his own money. I would do it differently. 

I would give the lad £10 as a weekly allowance and extra £15 to get started, and say I will top up £10 next Sunday, say. Then I would explain that if there is still £10 in his account by the end of the second week (i.e. he almost stayed within his weekly allowance during the first two weeks) I would top up those £10 by extra £10, so that in a fortnight he will get £20 (£10 weekly allowance + £10 bonus). Then set up a rule: you take a look at his account every fortnight and if the boy stayed within his allowance during the last two weeks, he gets £10 bonus within the next top up. You can then change it to "stay within the allowance over 3 weeks" to get extra £15.

If all is well, a couple of months later I would consider transferring money for a pair of jeans when they are needed and tell him to go and get them himself.

kimwp

Emily_Joy said:

TheBanker said:

His mum has said she will give him £30 to get him started, and then £10 per week.  I have said I will also give him £30 to get him started but I will suggest he puts 'my' £30 into the savings account.

Does this all sound reasonable? Having £60 seems a lot, but it's not really. It's a chance for him to prove to his mum he can be responsible, but if he does spend it all on rubbish it's not the end of the world. 

Is there anything we've missed?

£30 is not enough to generate any interest one could possibly notice. £60 seems to be quite a lot for someone who is not used to have his own money. I would do it differently. 

I would give the lad £10 as a weekly allowance and extra £15 to get started, and say I will top up £10 next Sunday, say. Then I would explain that if there is still £10 in his account by the end of the second week (i.e. he almost stayed within his weekly allowance during the first two weeks) I would top up those £10 by extra £10, so that in a fortnight he will get £20 (£10 weekly allowance + £10 bonus). Then set up a rule: you take a look at his account every fortnight and if the boy stayed within his allowance during the last two weeks, he gets £10 bonus within the next top up. You can then change it to "stay within the allowance over 3 weeks" to get extra £15.

If all is well, a couple of months later I would consider transferring money for a pair of jeans when they are needed and tell him to go and get them himself.

Honestly, this sounds a little convoluted. If he's not within his allowance, then he has run out of money and can't do any more, surely that's the learning point? This is fun money for the boy, the point is to spend it (wisely) on fun things (or save it to spend on larger fun things).

I'd maybe consider part-matching his savings as a kind of interest rate, but (and I say this as a saver), it's possible to become too focussed on saving. Maybe part matching when he spends on a larger item from his savings to help develop delayed gratification - supposed to be important for success in life. But personally I'd keep it simple.

theoretica

Sounds like he will appreciate that.  Do be careful to be realistic about how much savings will be possible from £520 a year - the bigger spends it will make possible will still be fairly small ones.