Teenagers Pocket Money

TheBanker

Zoe02 said:

Important to balance it that they are not spoilt or careless with money. 

Completely agree. I doubt his mum will spoil him. And while it's hard to tell, I don't think he'd go daft if he was given a bit of money to spend. 

Savvy_Sue

Mine got pocket money, but when they went into 6th form it became an allowance into bank account and they were responsible for bus fares to school and lunches.

They all made their own lunches. DS2 walked to school. DS3 borrowed money to buy a bike. 

Perhaps the most important lesson they had to learn was that it was THEIR responsibility to withdraw the cash they needed for bus tix etc.

Spendless

As most people have given you a successful anecdote even if not straight away, here's my unsuccessful ones. I tried with both  kids. Eldest though was very much a hermit, not interested in socialising, wasn't interested in clothes, would happily wear anything he got for Christmas or wrap himself in a dressing gown (or duvet!) in school hols and would blow all money at once on computer games and happily be skint for the rest of the month. 
He learnt to budget at Uni.

Youngest was more high maintenance and because was always asking for stuff. We decided to give a higher allowance than her brother had had, and at first thought she was just making mistakes but when the pandemic hit and she spent all her allowance for 3 months running buying clothes online (to wear where??) we decided it wasn't working and stopped it. Today she still struggles despite being a student who has lived away from us for a couple of years but is awaiting an appt for an ADHD diagnosis having scored very highly in a pre-assessment. She's aware she craves the dopamine hit she gets from shopping  but has yet to figure out the correlation between that and not having money because she doesn't budget accordingly!  Add in she also believes she may have dyscalculia (it's been picked up by her tutors that she struggles) 

Is it possibly   scenarios like the above your OH fears based on what she's seen/witnessed either in her son or others rather than she's prefer to control things? 

[Deleted User]

TheBanker said:

Zoe02 said:

Important to balance it that they are not spoilt or careless with money. 

Completely agree. I doubt his mum will spoil him. And while it's hard to tell, I don't think he'd go daft if he was given a bit of money to spend. 

Fair point. Balance is necessary.

£15-20 a week not a bad amount.

Things have changed, whilst I was in college we got EMA £30 a week for good attendance, I also started my eBay business at like 14 buying and selling games but to have an account think was 18 but was entrepreneurial from a young age. 

TheBanker

Spendless said:

As most people have given you a successful anecdote even if not straight away, here's my unsuccessful ones. I tried with both  kids. Eldest though was very much a hermit, not interested in socialising, wasn't interested in clothes, would happily wear anything he got for Christmas or wrap himself in a dressing gown (or duvet!) in school hols and would blow all money at once on computer games and happily be skint for the rest of the month. 
He learnt to budget at Uni.

Youngest was more high maintenance and because was always asking for stuff. We decided to give a higher allowance than her brother had had, and at first thought she was just making mistakes but when the pandemic hit and she spent all her allowance for 3 months running buying clothes online (to wear where??) we decided it wasn't working and stopped it. Today she still struggles despite being a student who has lived away from us for a couple of years but is awaiting an appt for an ADHD diagnosis having scored very highly in a pre-assessment. She's aware she craves the dopamine hit she gets from shopping  but has yet to figure out the correlation between that and not having money because she doesn't budget accordingly!  Add in she also believes she may have dyscalculia (it's been picked up by her tutors that she struggles) 

Is it possibly   scenarios like the above your OH fears based on what she's seen/witnessed either in her son or others rather than she's prefer to control things? 

Thanks

I don't think there's anything to suggest this boy would be like either of the above. From a clothing perspective, he chooses his own clothes mainly, it's just that his mum pays. Mostly he wears 'cheap' (think Primark type) stuff, but to be honest he's growing so quickly at the moment that there's not much point buying expensive clothes. He has got a few more expensive bits, but he seems happy enough with what he's got. He might be tempted with computer games I guess. 

Really though I think he just wants a bit of money so he doesn't have to ask his mum for absolutly everything.

What triggered the discussion on Saturday he was with me while his mum was at work. A few of his friends decided they were going to the cinema in the afternoon. He wanted to go with them, but because he doesn't have any money and his mum was at work so he couldn't ask her for any, he told them he couldn't go. I gave him money after checking with his mum, so all was good. But even that was a faff as I had to find an ATM so I could give him cash, given the lack of a bank account to transfer to.

gwynlas

If that was the case then you are justified in raising it with his mother as you had the incoonvenience of having to first check with partner then find ATM whilst he had to have difficult conversation with friends. At least you could step in otherwise he would have missed a chance to socialise with his peers which is an important part of growing up. Perhapps suggest that he starts with enough for social expenses whilst she continues to provide other needs then he would be the one to miss out on opportunities if he fails to budget.

savagelyric

I can't remember what age I started giving my kid pocket money but they get half their age per week, plus I pay for phone and essential toiletries and clothes. The pocket money should cover their wants, I cover the needs. However, they are turning 16 in June and going to college in Sept so I'm probably going to change this to give them the child benefit amount minus bus pass (£40 a month).

Spendless

If Mum usually works Saturdays then I'd definitely say there's an argument for her son to have some funds of his own, since the weekend (in term time)  is when he's likely to get social invites. Even if Mum still has her reasons for not giving an allowance, some spare cash for this sort of thing would be helpful and can always be moved on to the following weekend if not used. 

Rob5342

TheBanker said:

When I had a word with his mum, she said she prefers to do it that way because she wants to make sure he's spending on sensible things. I said he'll not learn to spend or budget wisely, if he doesn't have any money to work with. He's her son, so she decides and I'm not going to disagree with her approach, but interested to know how others deal with this?

I agree with you here. Our approach was to gradually increase the responsibility we gave our daughter so she was free to make mistakes but had to live with it if she did. We got her a current account when she was 13, and said that we'd cover all essentials and set up a standing order each week so she could buy a few things she wanted, but that once it was gone that was it. She did get a bit carried away at first, but when her friends were going into town and she didn't have enough money to go then she started to be a bit more careful. Over time we gradually increased what we gave her and paid for less ourselves, and now when she starts university there won't be anywhere near as much of a change.

However you handle it a bank account is essential for him.

TheBanker

gwynlas said:

If that was the case then you are justified in raising it with his mother as you had the incoonvenience of having to first check with partner then find ATM whilst he had to have difficult conversation with friends. At least you could step in otherwise he would have missed a chance to socialise with his peers which is an important part of growing up. Perhapps suggest that he starts with enough for social expenses whilst she continues to provide other needs then he would be the one to miss out on opportunities if he fails to budget.

It wasn't that much hassle really. I had to check with his mum as the original plan was for me to drop him off at home, so I wanted to check it was ok to take him to the cinema instead. I agree with your second point though, if he had a small allowance he could decide what to spend it on, and if he spends it on silly things then he'll miss out on seeing his friends, which might teach him a valuable lesson (but personally, I don't think he'll spend it on silly things).

Spendless said:

If Mum usually works Saturdays then I'd definitely say there's an argument for her son to have some funds of his own, since the weekend (in term time)  is when he's likely to get social invites. Even if Mum still has her reasons for not giving an allowance, some spare cash for this sort of thing would be helpful and can always be moved on to the following weekend if not used. 

She doesn't normally work on Saturdays, she'd swapped a shift with someone who needed the day off as a favour. I normally take him to football then drop him back at his mum's. This week was a bit different due to her working the extra shift. But you're right, this kind of thing will become more common at his age so being prepared would be good. 

Rob5342 said:

TheBanker said:

When I had a word with his mum, she said she prefers to do it that way because she wants to make sure he's spending on sensible things. I said he'll not learn to spend or budget wisely, if he doesn't have any money to work with. He's her son, so she decides and I'm not going to disagree with her approach, but interested to know how others deal with this?

I agree with you here. Our approach was to gradually increase the responsibility we gave our daughter so she was free to make mistakes but had to live with it if she did. We got her a current account when she was 13, and said that we'd cover all essentials and set up a standing order each week so she could buy a few things she wanted, but that once it was gone that was it. She did get a bit carried away at first, but when her friends were going into town and she didn't have enough money to go then she started to be a bit more careful. Over time we gradually increased what we gave her and paid for less ourselves, and now when she starts university there won't be anywhere near as much of a change.

However you handle it a bank account is essential for him.

So I agree, I think he should have a bank account and some money to be responsible for. I think this because one of my first jobs in banking was working in a university branch, and I spent most of my time trying to help students who'd not budgeted properly, they'd spent all their money in the first few weeks of term and had nothing left to live on. A lot of these students were having to budget and manage money for the first time. The student loan cheques (as they were at the time) looked like a lot of money, but they weren't when you considered living costs over a term. These were clever people, but my suggestion that they deduct their rent cost and then divide what was left by the number of weeks in the term to set a weekly budget sometimes blew their minds!