Teenagers Pocket Money

Kim_13

TheBanker said:

Zoe02 said:

Important to balance it that they are not spoilt or careless with money. 

Completely agree. I doubt his mum will spoil him. And while it's hard to tell, I don't think he'd go daft if he was given a bit of money to spend. 

Could he suggest to his mum that his pocket money is split into two, part done the way she prefers and part put into an account with a debit card to give him a bit more independence/responsibility. Depending on the account she may be able to see where he is spending and make a judgement as to whether it’s safe to transfer a greater proportion of the money into the account or not. 

A debit card account might also encourage him to get a part time job - little point if mum is still holding the purse strings, and employers may prefer to pay by BACS now that handling cash is becoming more costly/difficult for them.

TheBanker

Kim_13 said:

TheBanker said:

Zoe02 said:

Important to balance it that they are not spoilt or careless with money. 

Completely agree. I doubt his mum will spoil him. And while it's hard to tell, I don't think he'd go daft if he was given a bit of money to spend. 

Could he suggest to his mum that his pocket money is split into two, part done the way she prefers and part put into an account with a debit card to give him a bit more independence/responsibility. Depending on the account she may be able to see where he is spending and make a judgement as to whether it’s safe to transfer a greater proportion of the money into the account or not. 

A debit card account might also encourage him to get a part time job - little point if mum is still holding the purse strings, and employers may prefer to pay by BACS now that handling cash is becoming more costly/difficult for them.

That's a good idea. Not sure there will be a part time job any time soon, he's only 14. When I was his age I had a paper round but I don't think jobs like that exist these days! 

gt568

Two teenagers, 16&13.....£5 per month each.

marcia_

gt568 said:

Two teenagers, 16&13.....£5 per month each.

 That doesn't seem a lot, do you pay for other things for them? Though I don't actually give my son pocket money but pay out phone, games and other things. But he has autism and struggles with money 

Spendless

TheBanker said:

gwynlas said:

If that was the case then you are justified in raising it with his mother as you had the incoonvenience of having to first check with partner then find ATM whilst he had to have difficult conversation with friends. At least you could step in otherwise he would have missed a chance to socialise with his peers which is an important part of growing up. Perhapps suggest that he starts with enough for social expenses whilst she continues to provide other needs then he would be the one to miss out on opportunities if he fails to budget.

It wasn't that much hassle really. I had to check with his mum as the original plan was for me to drop him off at home, so I wanted to check it was ok to take him to the cinema instead. I agree with your second point though, if he had a small allowance he could decide what to spend it on, and if he spends it on silly things then he'll miss out on seeing his friends, which might teach him a valuable lesson (but personally, I don't think he'll spend it on silly things).

Spendless said:

If Mum usually works Saturdays then I'd definitely say there's an argument for her son to have some funds of his own, since the weekend (in term time)  is when he's likely to get social invites. Even if Mum still has her reasons for not giving an allowance, some spare cash for this sort of thing would be helpful and can always be moved on to the following weekend if not used. 

She doesn't normally work on Saturdays, she'd swapped a shift with someone who needed the day off as a favour. I normally take him to football then drop him back at his mum's. This week was a bit different due to her working the extra shift. But you're right, this kind of thing will become more common at his age so being prepared would be good. 

Rob5342 said:

TheBanker said:

When I had a word with his mum, she said she prefers to do it that way because she wants to make sure he's spending on sensible things. I said he'll not learn to spend or budget wisely, if he doesn't have any money to work with. He's her son, so she decides and I'm not going to disagree with her approach, but interested to know how others deal with this?

I agree with you here. Our approach was to gradually increase the responsibility we gave our daughter so she was free to make mistakes but had to live with it if she did. We got her a current account when she was 13, and said that we'd cover all essentials and set up a standing order each week so she could buy a few things she wanted, but that once it was gone that was it. She did get a bit carried away at first, but when her friends were going into town and she didn't have enough money to go then she started to be a bit more careful. Over time we gradually increased what we gave her and paid for less ourselves, and now when she starts university there won't be anywhere near as much of a change.

However you handle it a bank account is essential for him.

So I agree, I think he should have a bank account and some money to be responsible for. I think this because one of my first jobs in banking was working in a university branch, and I spent most of my time trying to help students who'd not budgeted properly, they'd spent all their money in the first few weeks of term and had nothing left to live on. A lot of these students were having to budget and manage money for the first time. The student loan cheques (as they were at the time) looked like a lot of money, but they weren't when you considered living costs over a term. These were clever people, but my suggestion that they deduct their rent cost and then divide what was left by the number of weeks in the term to set a weekly budget sometimes blew their minds! 

Could you fetch your real life experiences into a conversation about this with your gf? As a parent who has had a child in HE continuously since 2018, I have to say being paid 3 times a year by student loans is something I'd love to see changed to more frequently .(I appreciate that's highly unlikely due to cost of administration , just on my 'wishlist') 

I think many  mature working adults would struggle if their employer paid them 3 times a year and you were waiting 3-4 months before the next amount. Look how many struggle for the last few days before their monthly pay cheque comes in.

I'm just wondering if you come from this angle, your gf will then apply what you're saying to her son, rather than thinking that's not how I want to do things with him.

kiss_me_now9

I think it very much depends on personality types, however equally there is a learning lesson with pocket money. 

My sister and I were given £5 a month (growing up in the 00s) from about age 11. Always cash, sometimes we could get an extra 50p here and there if we did things around the house but it wasn't hugely consistent. Would also get about £50 from family for Christmas and birthdays. 

I have always been very careful with money, and my parents were very clear that you don't buy things that you don't have the money for, and savings are King. My sister can stretch a tenner about 40 different ways and still find some change loose to buy something else As a result, she often spent all her pocket money as soon as it arrived in her hand, whereas I would stick it in my moneybox (bank accounts for kids are a really recent thing, and it still blows my mind that you can have one so young now!) and leave it there. One year my parents took us to a well known and now defunct toy store to spend our Christmas money. Before going we counted out what we had so we knew what our budgets were. My sister found about £15.20 and I had well over £100. Had to be persuaded in the store that I could indeed afford both Lego sets and my sister had to be told to put stuff back. 

To this day I am still much better with money, though my sister has calmed down a lot with her spending. Neither of us rely on loans or live pay cheque to pay cheque, and whilst we both have credit cards they're strictly for emergencies only. It's only though the financial education that we were afforded as teenagers that we have that mindset. 

superdayold

We are so lucky that their grandparents give them pocket money (13 and 15 yr olds). My parents put into a bank account (£20 each a month) for them and they get cash from my mother inlaw (£5 a week each). They tend to spend the cash, but the other adds up if they need to buy bigger things or save for uni etc.

Emily_Joy

To me it sounds like the mum wants to be in total control of what her son does and what he buys. If he wants to buy a present for his friend, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to ask a girl for an ice cream, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to go to a cinema with his peers, he needs to ask his mum. It sounds somewhat unreasonable. It is only natural for a 14 years old boy to want to make all these decisions by himself, without  the need to check with his mum.  It would have been much better for his self-esteem to have a small weekly allowance to spend as he sees fit.

TheBanker

Emily_Joy said:

To me it sounds like the mum wants to be in total control of what her son does and what he buys. If he wants to buy a present for his friend, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to ask a girl for an ice cream, he needs to ask his mum. If he wants to go to a cinema with his peers, he needs to ask his mum. It sounds somewhat unreasonable. It is only natural for a 14 years old boy to want to make all these decisions for himself, without  the need to check with his mum.  It would have been much better for his self-esteem to have a small weekly allowance to spend as he see fit.

When you put it like that it sounds like she's trying to control him, but she's not really. 

As far as I know it's rare for her to say 'no' when he asks for day-to-day things, she normally gives him the money.

And she doesn't try to control him in other ways really, he's allowed to go out with his friends and so on. There are obviously rules about homework being done and knowing where he is, and being home by a certain time, but they don't seem excessive rules to me.

In my opinion (and I realise at least one poster will shoot me down for daring to have a view on this!) she is sometimes slightly over protective of him, and I'm not sure she always remembers that he'll be an adult in a few years. I know that's easy for me to say, given he's not my child. 

Anyway, I think she's come round to the idea of him having a bank account with a small allowance to cover social activities, snacks while he's out and about etc. She'll still pay for his school lunches, football sessions, phone and clothes, the bank account is to replace the bits of cash she gives him every now and again for cinema trips etc.

TheBanker

kiss_me_now9 said:

I think it very much depends on personality types, however equally there is a learning lesson with pocket money. 

My sister and I were given £5 a month (growing up in the 00s) from about age 11. Always cash, sometimes we could get an extra 50p here and there if we did things around the house but it wasn't hugely consistent. Would also get about £50 from family for Christmas and birthdays. 

I have always been very careful with money, and my parents were very clear that you don't buy things that you don't have the money for, and savings are King. My sister can stretch a tenner about 40 different ways and still find some change loose to buy something else As a result, she often spent all her pocket money as soon as it arrived in her hand, whereas I would stick it in my moneybox (bank accounts for kids are a really recent thing, and it still blows my mind that you can have one so young now!) and leave it there. One year my parents took us to a well known and now defunct toy store to spend our Christmas money. Before going we counted out what we had so we knew what our budgets were. My sister found about £15.20 and I had well over £100. Had to be persuaded in the store that I could indeed afford both Lego sets and my sister had to be told to put stuff back. 

To this day I am still much better with money, though my sister has calmed down a lot with her spending. Neither of us rely on loans or live pay cheque to pay cheque, and whilst we both have credit cards they're strictly for emergencies only. It's only though the financial education that we were afforded as teenagers that we have that mindset. 

That sounds a bit like me and my sister. If we were given money, I'd put mine in my money box until I wanted to spend it, and if the moneybox got full I'd get my dad to pay it into my savings account until it was needed. My sister, on the other hand, would immediatly find something to spend her money on. My parents were not well off, but my savings meant I could do things like going to scout camp, whereas she was scraping around for enough money to buy a bar of chocolate by the end of the week. She also used to throw copper coins in the bin I'd take them back out and add them to my money box!