Redemption - The journey of a recovering gambling addict.

New_in_the_fens

I hope you’ve had a lovely birthday weekend. It’s been a fabulous few days weather wise - really helps improve the spirits! Look after yourself and your family 🌞

Lonelygambler

So, I was out running today and it was heavy on the mind, not on the legs — that’s for sure. 

I’m another step closer to 40, yet my finances still feel like they belong to a teenager. 

I’ve never been a saver. Earn, spend, repeat. Live for the moments, enjoy the times. 

In fairness, that was a great way to enjoy my teens and university years — when booze was cheap and food was manageable! I got myself a credit card with my first ‘real job’, always paid it off in full and never accrued interest. But that led to more cards, and some lifestyle creep, alongside a salary that kept going up and up. That salary will start to peak for my industry soon, and while I recognise I’m extremely well-paid compared to the national average, it will level out — and I’ll no longer be able to “earn more to pay more.”

We bought our first house — and I did have savings for that: £6k each for our deposit. But since 2014, I’ve never had more than £500 in savings. 

Gambling has been an undercurrent throughout — some years just for fun, and others much more serious. 

I’m just grinding now, and have been for over a year. No personal spends, really. Every spare penny is going on debt. 

I think moving forward, when I hit 40, I need to really double down on saving, investing, and being more financially responsible. Thankfully, I have two life insurance policies and a good pension set up for my boys and wife — in case something happens, as we never know what’s coming round the corner. 

Anyway, a good 10km in the bag tonight and a lovely day in the sunshine.

LG

alt80

You are doing great, I know it’s hard to believe that sometimes but the work you’re putting in now will make the future better for both you and your family. 

If it helps I’m knocking on the door of 45 this year. Still no personal savings to speak of, over £500k outstanding on my home mortgage and have to work on my mental health every single day. Some days are better than others, you’ll find that too.

Debtfree2026

You are doing really well.  I'm 43 at the end of this year and I also have regrets at the financial decisions I've made, pretty much since my university days.  Had my lightbulb moment back in December and I'm working hard to pay off the remaining debt, which sometimes seems insurmountable at still over £20k.  But it was £27K when I had my LBM so progress has been made. 

And alt80 makes a great point above - it can be hard work and some days a bit more of a slog but it will 100% be worth it for us and our families.   

Spendless

You could turn the thinking and look at it that BEFORE  you were 40 you were earning above the Nat average and had also had  your lightbulb moment x2 in terms of the gambling and addressing the debt. At your age we were still accumulating debt that we then paid off and then ran up again. By the time we paid that off (less than a year ago) we were on the wrong side of 50. You've got 20+ years of working life left, plenty of time for you to pay off all debt and then accumulate savings and investments and I'd say put some aside to help with maintenance loans should your kids wish to go to Uni cos that has been our biggest expense over the last 8 years.  They don't go or don't need it, then you've got it for something else

Lonelygambler

alt80 said:

You are doing great, I know it’s hard to believe that sometimes but the work you’re putting in now will make the future better for both you and your family. 

If it helps I’m knocking on the door of 45 this year. Still no personal savings to speak of, over £500k outstanding on my home mortgage and have to work on my mental health every single day. Some days are better than others, you’ll find that too.

One day at a time. 

Lonelygambler

Coming up to 13 months without gambling...

Had a therapy session recently and it was so raw I cried from start to the end. My god, I felt better afterwards. 

LG

KeepOnKnitting

The benefits to the body of a good cry are so amazing. It's so frustrating that half the population get such a negative message that crying isn't allowed. Can you imagine if we encourged men not to pee, or breathe? Humans cry for a reason and it's brilliant for us.

Sorry for the hijack. Congrats on a great session and on 13 months.

alt80

@Lonelygambler you’re doing great mate, facing things head on. 

You might not see it now but you are a great role model to your little ones.

One day at a time and stay on the path. 

@KeepOnKnitting I’ve cried my way through coming up to three years of recovery, not always for negative reasons either. I’ll never forget seeing my boy sing with his school choir for the first time after avoiding his school performances. I used cocaine because I believed it kept me going but now I know I also did it to run away from the things that led to me crying through the past three years, some good things but mainly the bad. I know that my son will get told all the usual big boys don’t cry !!!!!! but my wife and I are really trying to do what we can to help him to be emotionally healthy including not suppressing tears. 

Lonelygambler

Evening - Here's a quick entry. 

Over the weekend my wife took me away for a surprise weekend with friends in a really posh hotel / spa. 

I was blown away by the weekend considering everything I have put her through. 

It was a complete surprise as I thought I was dropping my wife for afternoon tea in the spa, and she pulled out a bag she had packed for me! 

So now 13 months without a bet, a slow month paying debt down. That's ok, I am not worried about it, 

LG