Redemption - The journey of a recovering gambling addict.

KeepOnKnitting

I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday. This will happen and it is part of the journey. The important bit is remembering why you are making changes and what it is all for. It will be hard at times, but learning how to get through the hard days without gambling is the goal. What did you do to get through? Are there healthier coping mechanisms you are learning?

plu

Sincere admiration for your courage in facing up. You worry about the money you have lost - we all beat ourselves up, of course, pointless though it is: but just think of the money you have saved by not continuing to gamble.

Upthread a poster mentioned how clever the gambling machine designers are - they work hard to determine the best strategy to foster addiction. (Addicts make the best customers). Recommending books is one of my bad habits; but I learned from "Addiction by Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas" by Natasha Dow Schüll. Fascinating and depressing in equal measure - how the gambling "industry" designs  its "products" to feed addiction. It's not a cheap book, but very thorough. As someone who has been ensnared by fruit machines I was fascinated by the payout strategy coded on the chips that drive the machines: they are designed - by highly paid, very intelligent people - to keep you playing (many low payouts, almost no high ones, the symbols on the screen bear no relation to the odds of winning).

The Quatloos webpage on casino gambling is perhaps a bit dangerous for a recovering gambling addict, but the concept of "Risk Compounding" is very well expressed. (TL;DR: if the house edge is 5% then after 100 spins You Cannot Win. The longer you bet the more you will lose and you can never win it back)

Good luck in your journey. (You are not alone!)

Lonelygambler

enthusiasticsaver said:

You are doing very well. Keep going. Hope the CBT is useful. 

Thank you, I will see how it goes. The feedback I am getting from people is; so so. 

I believe I will need to continue to be strong and take the proactive approach with my addiction. There is no fix! 

Lonelygambler

KeepOnKnitting said:

I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday. This will happen and it is part of the journey. The important bit is remembering why you are making changes and what it is all for. It will be hard at times, but learning how to get through the hard days without gambling is the goal. What did you do to get through? Are there healthier coping mechanisms you are learning?

Thank you, yes it was a hard few days. My wife is still really upset at the moment. I am not sure if she will ever forgive me at the time being. 

The only saving grace is our boys are both very young so we cannot do loads of things all of the time. If I work hard we can CC debt free in a year and then the loans within two. 

Lonelygambler

plu said:

Sincere admiration for your courage in facing up. You worry about the money you have lost - we all beat ourselves up, of course, pointless though it is: but just think of the money you have saved by not continuing to gamble.

Upthread a poster mentioned how clever the gambling machine designers are - they work hard to determine the best strategy to foster addiction. (Addicts make the best customers). Recommending books is one of my bad habits; but I learned from "Addiction by Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas" by Natasha Dow Schüll. Fascinating and depressing in equal measure - how the gambling "industry" designs  its "products" to feed addiction. It's not a cheap book, but very thorough. As someone who has been ensnared by fruit machines I was fascinated by the payout strategy coded on the chips that drive the machines: they are designed - by highly paid, very intelligent people - to keep you playing (many low payouts, almost no high ones, the symbols on the screen bear no relation to the odds of winning).

The Quatloos webpage on casino gambling is perhaps a bit dangerous for a recovering gambling addict, but the concept of "Risk Compounding" is very well expressed. (TL;DR: if the house edge is 5% then after 100 spins You Cannot Win. The longer you bet the more you will lose and you can never win it back)

Good luck in your journey. (You are not alone!)

Thank you, I can't even search any of those things due to blockers I have put on my devices!

The house always wins, even if like me you go on a long streak of winning. In the space of a few minutes I can easily lose £2000 - 4000. Sickening really. 

However nearly 5 weeks gamble free, no urges to gamble and I've stopped watching youtube clips. 

Lonelygambler

Quick update today.

A couple of NSD's. I have £100 for 'fun' money till the 24th. Wife is basically not letting me pay for anything as she wants me to clear this debt. This is good and bad at the same time. 

Nearly five weeks now without a gamble. 

Currently working away from home to get some fresh air. 

LG

WinterWarrior

What exactly is it your wife is angry about? You have a joint account for the household bills and you managed that fine. Then you both have separate money. I understand it wasn’t great, but moving forwards what is it that is upsetting her? Would you normally pay for holidays, trips, eating out from your salary? I’m just wondering what has changed in her life because of this, then maybe you can find a way to work something out? In the long term you are doing everything right to get back to a debt free position and that is admirable, but it seems she is suffering too. It’s so hard. 

Lonelygambler

WinterWarrior said:

What exactly is it your wife is angry about? You have a joint account for the household bills and you managed that fine. Then you both have separate money. I understand it wasn’t great, but moving forwards what is it that is upsetting her? Would you normally pay for holidays, trips, eating out from your salary? I’m just wondering what has changed in her life because of this, then maybe you can find a way to work something out? In the long term you are doing everything right to get back to a debt free position and that is admirable, but it seems she is suffering too. It’s so hard. 

She is suffering, she's angry with me and I should not have hidden the debts. 

I think this is more of a trust issue. Just gotta dig in and save / pay off the debt. 

Thanks for checking in. 

LG

Florafauna

Just want to say well done and keep going. You will rebuild the trust between you in time

Judes123

Thanks for posting about your addiction, i have gambled on slot machines ( online), to a lesser amount,than you, but in the scheme of things,have still been in debt with personal spending limits exceeded.. much nicer things i could have spent the money on but always thought,i was on a winning streak or i was going to have a big win soon! I have suspended my slots accounts for 6 months,in the past,only to go stupid when suspensions are lifted ( partner not impressed,to put it mildly!) With your honesty ,i realised my downward spiral was getting worse…i have now gone to gamstop for 5 years. 1 day gamble free! Thankyou