Foster Mum needs legal help, can you help?

DenBo_4

Ooohh the devil made me doi t, that was a little bit harsh but in some respects I agree with you, if at all possible the child should be with members of their family.

Zara33

the_devil_made_me_do_it wrote: »

Regardless of whether the family concerned smoke or not, the child should go back to the natural family as long as the child is in no danger of physical or mental abuse. As foster carers, you are well aware that whether you fall in love with the child or not, you still have to hand the child back to the natural family or adopters (whichever case applies). It is very unhealthy, when fostering, to feel the way you do about a child in your care. Your aim should be to re-unite natural family where possible. A child can stay in foster care for a long period of time and the foster carers are still expected to hand the child back if suitable circumstances arise. Sorry, but I can't empathise with you. If you find it hard not to get so attached, then maybe you shouldn't have signed up to become foster carers in the first place.

pretty harsh eh! just because they are foster parents/carers doesn't mean they can't have feelings.

Where exactly have the natural family been for the last two years
These kind people have given the little chap a healthy, stable home for the last two years and the have now come to love this little chap, hardly surprising they want to fight tooth and nail for him. It would probably have a very negative effect on the child being removed after such a length of time.

Have some compassion.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

hmm harsh maybe but true.

This little boy has a future too and deserves to be with his natural family if at all possible. It dosen't matter where the natural family have been for the past 2 years (we haven't got the full information to pass comment, we are hearing from one side here); the fact is they are looking for custody now.

I really feel that the foster carers should do the right thing and not stand in the way, after all the aunt and uncle can quit smoking and they should quit smoking under the circumstances.

As for the child being settled with the foster carers; he is still young enough to adapt, there are older children who get adopted and adapt with no problems. Also, it was a bad idea on the part of the foster "parents" to teach him to call them mam and dad; obviously that hasn't helped with the feelings of attachment.

The foster carers have to put their own feelings aside and hand the child back to the natural family without opposition.

newty428

Firstly, we haven't "taught" him to call us mum and dad, that's what our children call us, so its a natural progression for him to call us that. How can you tell a year old baby not to call me that, call me by my name?!
Before we started to foster we read everything we could about it, we spoke to other carers, we went on courses and your right, we believed we that you should work towards returning the child to their natural family if at all possible. But life's not that simple! There is more to this case, but I can't discuss it really. Different people have different outlooks on things, I can see everyones point of view. I don't want to upset my baby's future, I want to do the right thing.
I've just spent two nights in hospital over christmas with him and maybe I'm just tired and over emotional!

Spendless

Certainly I have a distant relative who adopted a child she had previously fostered. So it is (or at least used to be) possible. Unfortunately I have no more details than that for you.

hobo28

I think the devil made me do it is a little harsh with what he said, albeit essentially true. Even foster carers are human and have feelings.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

Yes foster carers are humans and it's a very sad situation for all concerned. I have never wanted to be a foster carer for this very reason as I find I get attached quite quickly and probably would feel exactly the same as newty.

I do genuinely hope it all works out for the best for the child's sake

I am unsure of the law regarding custody. It is made more complicated for you newty as you have the role as foster carer and that may hinder your chances. However, the child needs to be in a safe, loving, stable enviroment and I have no doubt you can offer that. I will be thinking about you; keep strong newty and all the best.

Certainly seek legal advice first before you speak with social services (or whoever is dealing with this). At least that way you will get non biased advice. Do it a.s.a.p don't miss the chance to propose yourself as prospective adopters

Morglin

newty428 wrote: »

I will try to keep this brief:

We have fostered a gorgeous boy since he was 5 weeks old. He is now nearly two. He is unable to go back to his parents and an auntie & uncle has come forward. He is supposed to be moving to them on a special guardianship order at the beginning of Feb. I am so concerned, baby suffers with asthma and I am up the hospital at least every 5-6 weeks, sometimes having to stay over. Both Uncle and Auntie (and her son) are very heavy smokers. She also works full time so baby will have to go into full time nursery. I don't feel this is ideal but more than that we just love him so much. He calls me mum and my husband dad and is so attached to us (and us to him). Someone told me that if you foster a child for longer than a year, you can apply to keep them, Is this true?? Does anyone have any experience with these cases?
I've tried to speak to my S/W but I would prefer to have some legal advice before I start to throw my weight around, if you know what I mean.
I would really appreciate your help
x

As far as I know, there is no law that says you can keep a foster child after a year - fostering is supposed to be a temporary arrangment..

You can take legal advice, and try to obtain a residence order yourself, but without the backing of the social worker, it would be likely to fail.

Children are generally placed where it is considered their best interests will be met, and presumably social workers think this is with the extended family.

Lin

gk172

Have social work ever talked about this little boy being adopted before now? I know where we are that they look to get kids who have remained in care for 6 months and there is no chance of them going back to natural parents then they look to have them adopted and i do know of someone who this has happened to. We are kind of in a similar situation we foster our grandson and have done for over 2 years and we have been assured he will remain with us as after 2 they then would/could have memories and it would be harmfull to there little heads.

Have they been through the police checks? Do you attend the childrens panel as we do and at the meeting we have a say in 'whats in the childs best interests' maybe it could be brought up there?

The other side of the coin though is we smoke but thet never came into our situation and our little man was prone to chest infections then but what we could offer him out weighed the smoking and we do smoke outside at the back door and he has never had once since, the aunt may now be in a better position to take on another child but maybe wasnt when it all started going wrong, also as a blood relative you do not get the same foster allowance meaning all you get is family allowance and with him coming in as second child will be at reduced rate.

blue_monkey_2

On the other side of this is that we do not know why the child was removed from the natural family (we understand this and need no details, OP) and it may not be possible for the child to go back into that family network so this needs to be explorered. You can register with 192.com and get access to the electoral register and also it tells you where other family members live (I believe, or it used to). Could it be that the natural mother is living with the aunt and uncle, or is in close proximity to the child, and that this is why they wish to adopt him? if this was the case then I would have thought the SS would look at this as the child was removed from the mother for a reason. All avenues would need to be looked at OP and there is no harm in digging around, if there is a danger to the child in going back into that family network (child abuse for example) then this would need to be explorered in full so maybe, if you know who the family are, it is time to start digging yourself in preperation. And get yourself a solicitor who deals with these issues and get advice. But tell SS that you are interested in adopting the little boy so at least it will mean you are shown as having an interest. It might be assumed you'll be happy to return him, have you told SS this is not the case yet?

Oh and yes I've just remembered. I used to go to a playgroup and a lady there was a foster carer, she fostered a baby when he was 6 weeks old and when he was 1 she applied to adopt him as he could not go back to the family network. She was successful and she was in her 50's (if that makes a difference?). I hope everyting works out OK for you all.