In Search Of Me's brand spanking (behave SS!) new 2008 diary...

In_Search_Of_Me

aww thanks all and hello ltm...lovely to see you on me wee diary...just feel disappointed with myself because I know I could have done better iykwim? I would love to have the self discipline that others do...its not a bad thing to get a kick up the bum as slide soon becomes avalance as many of us know! Once again whats done is done so will move on from it and keep slogging.
Its been quite a tough week for various reasons and not sleeping just adds to it as am not one of those people who function well with no sleep.
I have a thanksgiving service tomorrow for a lady I have known for years but it means visiting my old church which I always find hard - a bit like bumping into an x-husband and feels quite odd...do want to go as she is one of the greats, as was her sister who died last year. I didnt go to that one and regretted it so want to pay my respects...really, really hoping I sleep tonight...

boredofbeingathome

Aww, i think you have done really well. You are probably just feeling a bit down because of going back to w**k. I can concur with the sleeping..but i tend to function on very little, just catches up with me every 6 months or so..but as i get older tend to ache more as well..i am on the nightol again tonight as have to be up very early and want the sleep, but reckon i will be awake as usual anyway.

taxi73

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.xxx

ltm07

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

aww thanks all and hello ltm...lovely to see you on me wee diary...just feel disappointed with myself because I know I could have done better iykwim? I would love to have the self discipline that others do...its not a bad thing to get a kick up the bum as slide soon becomes avalance as many of us know! Once again whats done is done so will move on from it and keep slogging.
Its been quite a tough week for various reasons and not sleeping just adds to it as am not one of those people who function well with no sleep.
I have a thanksgiving service tomorrow for a lady I have known for years but it means visiting my old church which I always find hard - a bit like bumping into an x-husband and feels quite odd...do want to go as she is one of the greats, as was her sister who died last year. I didnt go to that one and regretted it so want to pay my respects...really, really hoping I sleep tonight...

Hi ISOM I have popped in from time to time to read your diary & find it very interesting, I know what you're saying about knowing you could have done better but hey, what's done is done & you will have good months & bad ones. For me this month has been a bit of a mad one to be honest. OH & I allow ourselves £150 a month to spend on ourselves, which also has to include clothes(I know it's probably alot to allow ourselves in our situation but we do manage to just about stay on top of things). I had about £50 left over from last month so all in all I have p1ssed around £200 up the wall:o :eek: ! But you know what, I have to admit I enjoyed spending every penny! The nights out with friends, going to the footy, taking OH out for a drink & also going out as a family, it really has done us all the world of good! Saying that I know that I/we wouldn't be able to sustain doing all those things every week, I guess that we just needed a mad month to take our minds the hard & sometimes boring slog of being on this DFW journey & on the plus side it hasn't affected our debts. On the food spending side though I do know that we have gone a little over the top & fallen back into the habit of using Sainsburys instead of Aldi, why I don't know as we were saving £20-£30 a week at Aldi! So our next big shop has got to be Aldi! We do like Sainsburys & do buy many of their home brands & economy brands but the shopping bill is always sky high!! I hope your day has gone well & you have slept well, all the best!!

Keeping_Positive

Its so easy to slip back into old ways isn't it?

Hope you had a better night and good day at work ISOM

LTM07 - Sounds like a great month and well seserved if you were in budget. Just think last months saving was good foward planning!

In_Search_Of_Me

Just popping in before bed...a busy and emotional day. Back in my old church (where I went for about 10 years) and saw some lovely old friends ...a couple of people who I felt reconnected to - a woman whose husband died a year ago and they were incredibly lovely to me and I hope to be able to offer her some love in return - not because I should but because I want to and she greeted me, when I asked how she was, with "much better for seeing you" which touched my heart. My solicitor who is also lovely and I'll see him soon to tweak my will a bit! Both he and his wife are lovely and accepting of me as me.
Ther service was lovely and a real remider to me of how precious some people are. I felt some regret at my "must go and see..." but didnt get round to it and I will now have to wait to see her "up there" but am blessed to know that I wil be greeted with love by her and her sister, along with others who have gone home before me. Not trying an evangeical speach but just felt very blessed that I have faith and one thing that has remained constant - dont know how I would have got through without it...
Anyway, lots of tears shed and then rushed home to eat before eve class which went well but lots of concentrating so am now shattered and off to bed I go...
Problem with slippage for me now is that I generally regret it after as it puts the dfd back so the less slippage the better in my book but at times like all feel the need for a bit of slack...just not too much!
Will catch up on you all tomorrow...hugs all and thanks for your encouragement. Slept welll last night btw and can almost guarantee I will tonight too...will probably lie awake all night now lol!!

Karmacat

Hi ISOM
That sounds a really intense day, I'm glad it was so positive for you in the end. Of course you're not sounding evangelical! And in a way, so what if you were? Its your diary! I'm not Christian (as in Karmacat and Om in my sig, it comes as no surprise, hey!) but your faith and your choice of church is obviously a hugely important part of your life, its natural you'd mention it on here.

Hope you sleep well!

boredofbeingathome

HI ISOM, you sound emotionally happy but like you have gotten rid of something which has been bothering you..that is a good thing, because once the soul feels clear, then we begin to heal..that comes across very strongly for you.
I find little excercises help me like writing a letter if something is really bad, i never post them, but just to get my thoughts on paper..i name it claim it and then throw it away..it is past.... your reality is in the present and now by concentrating on the present you will have a better future. Hope you sleep well. BOB x

In_Search_Of_Me

Thanks both - Karma..is omm a chant btw? I am one of those who believe that noone else has the right to impose their own views on othee - ie that we all have a right to make our own decisions, live that way and let others make their own choices IYKWIM! Yesterday also confirmed that I had made the right decision to leave that church and reaffirmed the decision that the one I have found is the right one which is a relief as a hard decision to make...
ahh bob your excerise is like me with lobbing my rocks (substitute turnips as necessary)! I didnt feel unhappy about anything just wishes I'd seen her before she died - someone said yesterday that she was very fond of me which made me even more sad! Anyway, whats done is done so have let go of it and learn from it and move on. Will ring the lady I mentioned to arrange dinner next week...
A days training today and going to have a nice bath and then get read - lovely jeans!! so much better than posh stuff. Tonight just a tidy and chill..

ltm07

Keeping_Positive wrote: »

Its so easy to slip back into old ways isn't it?

Hope you had a better night and good day at work ISOM

LTM07 - Sounds like a great month and well seserved if you were in budget. Just think last months saving was good foward planning!

Thanks KP, it was a great month but at the same time I know I/we know that we won't slip into our old ways. To be honest once the winter months start setting in we prefer to stay in with a few beers & wine & watch T.V. on a Saturday night! It is nice to go out now & again but whilst I enjoyed every minute don't want to spend my £150 every month mostly on booze!