NST March 2024: The Magic Roundabout

beanielou

Excellent idea for you to move to Grandmas house I think @grandmanerd. It’s your time for you & to look after yourself.  

KajiKita

I know I rarely comment here, but read regularly and walking out (with your favourite stuff) and leaving DS and Beloved to it sounds entirely sensible to me, @grandmanerd! 😉😊

KK

Flying_By

It's absolutely time to do exactly what you want to @grandmanerd.  I'm thrilled to hear that you're not going to take any more procrastination/helplessness and rudeness from family members .... you've done so much for them over the years and they need to get organised and sort their own lives out.  Your grandma's house sounds ideal for you and how exciting that you could turn it into your own space and home and hopefully not be at everyone's beck and call any more.  x

Pollie

Just do it  gmn.  I have often wondered if your son and his girlfriend think that you don't really expect them to move. If you move out, it may actually prompt some action from them and if it doesn't, you at least have started a new chapter in your life. May it be a peaceful, happy and healthier one.

Chrystal

Flying_By said:

It's absolutely time to do exactly what you want to @grandmanerd.  I'm thrilled to hear that you're not going to take any more procrastination/helplessness and rudeness from family members .... you've done so much for them over the years and they need to get organised and sort their own lives out.

@grandmanerd I agree with what's in bold above, but really think that you need to give serious consideration to moving into a bungalow. Climbing up and down stairs doesn't get any easier as we get older, and why make things more difficult for yourself?

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but your family seem very happy for you to carry all the burdens of sorting everyone else's problems out, with no thought for you at all.  The amount of pressure you carry seems very unfair.

If you told DS3 that you are selling the house you live in now, and the other properties (?) in order to move into a bungalow, and they need to (see the Council?) find somewhere else to live what would happen?

If your brother is too ill to participate in making any decisions perhaps he should allow his daughter to take that problem on board for him, rather than sitting back and letting all the problems fall on your shoulders. If he is well enough to go away, by himself, in his motorhome surely it's not beyond his reach to come to simple decisions. 

 

Have you thought about charging for your time spent in dealing with all this... plumbers charge £60 per hour.... what are your stress levels, health issues, and feeling abandoned worth?

Given that everyone else seems to be only thinking of themselves maybe it's time to take a long hard look at what is really going on.  I'm also in a position at the moment where I need to reassess my life and what's happening in it.... not easy but sometimes it's really neccessary.   Sending you gentle ((((hugs)))) and wishing you all that you wish yourself. XXX

Chrystal

Sorry I've been missing... been procrastinating as unsure how much put on here.

The last four years really seem to have been the dark winter of my soul, where everything has changed, and not for the better. 

I'm trying really hard to be positive about things, but I'm not getting any younger (75 in April) and full time carer for DH who is 82 this year.

Going to try and write a list of what I need to do to try and improve things... wish me luck.  XXX

f0xh0les

Sending love and hugs and strength @Chrystal

I am so worried I am going to be in your exact position x4 in the future @grandmanerd .  A very wise man suggested to me, that if they choose not to 'adult' while I am with them, then I will just have to absent myself from them.  I think you have done everything you reasonably can to help them on with the next stage of their lives,  and they are thinking that  you either don't really mean it / or they have deluded themselves into thinking that sharing a takeaway every now and then is them 'helping you out'.  You can still love them but want them to grow up  and be independent. There is no criticism here.   Either way, for your own sanity I think it is time you did not have to share a roof or a bathroom or kitchen anymore.   Whether that is moving to G-G-Grandmanerd's house first to see if it works, or straight into a bungalow, but somewhere easy for you to keep neat and tidy, where you can potter away in the garden, nobody throws you out of your own living room, and have enough (mental and physical) energy left over to get you back on a coach holiday and looking forward to things again.  Stockholm Syndrome is over-rated.

It is exhausting clearing up the remnants of other people's lives. If your brother is able to drive himself off on his holidays, he is capable of helping out with the drudge stuff.  He is choosing to let you do it all -but then it always falls to the most 'capable' person doesn't it?  Sending hugs and patience. 

I have spent the last two days up a ladder, and another room has been decorated, woodworm treated,  and carpets lugged down the stairs.  DH has taken the opportunity of being on his holidays to make himself two Hawaiian shirts.  There is no gender stereotyping in this house . He is in the kitchen sewing, I am upstairs screwing down floorboards and spraying joists.  He made me dinner so I will keep him.  

I wish someone would at least think to offer to help though.

Flying_By

@Chrystal I am so sorry that life is not at all easy for you currently.  It must be very hard to be a full time carer for your husband, I can only imagine how joyless your life must seem at times.  It's wonderful that you are doing it but it must be taking a huge toll on you physically and mentally. Might it be worth seeing your GP to see if they can offer any advice?

Have you thought about contacting Social Services to find out if there is any extra help available to you both?  I'm not an expert in this and I'm sure there will be others here who can offer more advice.  

Thinking of you and sending a big hug x

apple_muncher

Lots of hugs to all you lovely turtles, lurkers and anyone who reads along ❤️.

The clocks go forward tonight!

Today I am grateful for sunshine, for a library visit with Pip, for DH making curry for tea, for forget-me-nots, for another friend getting a new job.

Thrifty_Taylor

Sending hugs to all. I agree with all the previous posts @grandmanerd, it's time for you. Everyone else can either put up or shut up! You've bent over backwards to help/sort everyone else out, it's time they started pulling their own weight!!

A good last day of term was had yesterday, more capers with the Easter bunny. It was the last day of our temporary head teacher (had her since August), she's absolutely fantastic, so will be a big miss. She loved all her presents. It was also the last day of 2 pupils, I wished the eldest one well at their new school & he gave me a hug. Then he came to find me again & gave me a lump of quartz, as he has lots. I gave him a picture of an Easter egg that I'd coloured in.

Dashed to town for a haircut, then got ready at mum's. The 2 members of staff that have been causing a division in the team, decided not to come  both decided not to come to the meal, so I felt more able to relax & enjoy myself. I was very tired, so headed back to mum's just before I turned into a 🎃.

A beautiful day dawned today. Walked into town to collect my car, then went shopping with mum. Dropped 6 bags of sewing off & only had 1 to collect 😃

Put shopping away, had dinner, then s nap for half an hour. Helped DS2 sort something out, then walked 4.5 miles with DH. Hung the washing out, unpacked my overnight bag & read a few pages of my book.

Washed the dishes after tea, out the washing on the airer, then knitted & watched TV.

Grateful for children's hugs & a surprise present, having my regular hairdresser back after her being on maternity leave, sunny spring weather, compliments on my haircut & outfit last night, going for a walk (not done for a while) & being on holiday at long last