Having to buy car as partner has new job

LightFlare

silvercar said:

If the family dynamics mean you describe yourself as a stay at home dad, then the single earner should be funding everything necessary for the running of the home. 

Indeed --and I can just imagine the outrage if the genders were reversed

"Working dad tells stay at home mum to buy a car to ferry his kids around" -- I can almost guarantee this thread would be at least 5 pages in

ceresnet

Hello ok (Autistic & others)…. Probably should have said that.…. 

Getting lost here - drip feed sorry the above might help explain), not sure if this in the right order for things that have been written 

Job to work around kids - how does that happen?, I've been trying for years - Scope etc couldn't help me get job (not be snarky). Nearest jobs are at least 60 mins by bus

Financial situation / Wages - don't know, “it's her money” when car discussion was bought up

My only income was PIP they reviewed stopped Appealing again (how has anything changed!!!) all goes on household stuff

No joint bank accounts etc etc 

A few years ago CAB kindly wrote to NI people re xfer credits, I got 4 year, but letter said it had been cancelled due to tax charge 

Straw man - I looked that up - unsure I need to know - tbh its taken me days to write these posts, I was looking for advice - that's pretty much how partner would talk 

Along with “Op” 

Update : 

If I can't get car kids well need to look at what the kids do but I can use car for taxi duty, if I drop off & collect from work (4 ish hours daily) 

Ps autoflioping correct I truly hate it 

ceresnet

I know what Op means kid explained it! 😂 all this modern speak 

ceresnet

Exodi said:

The OP's partner is obviously aware the OP is a SAHD, presumably they'd also be aware of their financial circumstances. I doubt anyone would suggest someone buys a car with money they know they don't have. We need to stop flogging this strawman that the OP is unable to buy one and the partner has lost the plot. It's likely the OP has the financial capability to pay for it, with the partner aware of this.

Unsure youve met these 

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belfastgirl23

I don’t think there’s anything anyone can say beyond that you need to talk to your partner about this. It sounds to me like you both need some help to have this conversation (maybe counselling), it is sounding like communication is not good. None of us can say the rights and wrongs of anything, only you and your partner can decide that.

As it stands if things are as you describe then I’d be inclined to say once for the record that you won’t have a car and will not be able to collect and/or drive the children, then just let it go. If the children are your partners children and you are unable to collect them then ultimately your partner will have to make other arrangements. Tough but true. Do you think they would engage with the issue once the children have been left stranded or are unable to get to their activities?

NCC1701-A

ceresnet said:

Exodi said:

The OP's partner is obviously aware the OP is a SAHD, presumably they'd also be aware of their financial circumstances. I doubt anyone would suggest someone buys a car with money they know they don't have. We need to stop flogging this strawman that the OP is unable to buy one and the partner has lost the plot. It's likely the OP has the financial capability to pay for it, with the partner aware of this.

Unsure youve met these 

Maybe you could answer the questions asked and explain the full background properly rather than let readers make guesses to fill in the gaps.

caprikid1

NCC1701-A said:

ceresnet said:

Exodi said:

The OP's partner is obviously aware the OP is a SAHD, presumably they'd also be aware of their financial circumstances. I doubt anyone would suggest someone buys a car with money they know they don't have. We need to stop flogging this strawman that the OP is unable to buy one and the partner has lost the plot. It's likely the OP has the financial capability to pay for it, with the partner aware of this.

Unsure youve met these 

Maybe you could answer the questions asked and explain the full background properly rather than let readers make guesses to fill in the gaps.

OP Has stated cannot work due to 1hr bus rides each way, with a car I suspect that won't be more than 30 mins tops.

Age of the Children ?

NCC1701-A

caprikid1 said:

NCC1701-A said:

ceresnet said:

Exodi said:

The OP's partner is obviously aware the OP is a SAHD, presumably they'd also be aware of their financial circumstances. I doubt anyone would suggest someone buys a car with money they know they don't have. We need to stop flogging this strawman that the OP is unable to buy one and the partner has lost the plot. It's likely the OP has the financial capability to pay for it, with the partner aware of this.

Unsure youve met these 

Maybe you could answer the questions asked and explain the full background properly rather than let readers make guesses to fill in the gaps.

OP Has stated cannot work due to 1hr bus rides each way, with a car I suspect that won't be more than 30 mins tops.

Age of the Children ?

Again, we'd be filling in the gaps with guesses, but no reply about savings or what else they could use the car for (like  commuting to work).  Maybe the OP could explain why their "partner" thinks they can just go out and buy a car.  Maybe the OP could investigate how much alternatives like zipcar, hire cars, taxis or asking other parents might cost/ solve their apparent dilemma. 

ceresnet

NCC1701-A said:

caprikid1 said:

NCC1701-A said:

ceresnet said:

Exodi said:

The OP's partner is obviously aware the OP is a SAHD, presumably they'd also be aware of their financial circumstances. I doubt anyone would suggest someone buys a car with money they know they don't have. We need to stop flogging this strawman that the OP is unable to buy one and the partner has lost the plot. It's likely the OP has the financial capability to pay for it, with the partner aware of this.

Unsure youve met these 

Maybe you could answer the questions asked and explain the full background properly rather than let readers make guesses to fill in the gaps.

OP Has stated cannot work due to 1hr bus rides each way, with a car I suspect that won't be more than 30 mins tops.

Age of the Children ?

Again, we'd be filling in the gaps with guesses, but no reply about savings or what else they could use the car for (like  commuting to work).  Maybe the OP could explain why their "partner" thinks they can just go out and buy a car.  Maybe the OP could investigate how much alternatives like zipcar, hire cars, taxis or asking other parents might cost/ solve their apparent dilemma. 

Hello 
Thank-you for you suggestions 
Maybe.…… unsure but I will try 

Ok I posted this previously, after more info was required - crap at this this reply has taken 4 hours nearly 
Hopefully it will fill in background 

In Ansa to your post 

Kids - 9&10 - mite be 10&11 - still can't work out school years etc 

Savings none... I missed that previous comment.…. 
Asked other parents, none live nearby other parent no contact 

Yep I've done my due diligence b4 I started this.…. I wouldn't have asked unless i had no ideas 
Taxis - more than car hire 
Hire Cars - no where nearby or that will deliver
Bus - every journey almost 2 hours each way
30 mins walk 60 mins bus 30 mins walk  

👍 Thanx for Zip car etc suggestion, not heard of that b4 have now checked There's nowhere nearby that does that - which sucks as its a great idea (live in the sticks) 

The reason why partner thinks I have money 🤷‍♂️.  I've asked & that buggers up whole days & thought is ask again last nite - no communication since  

Probably missed some…. 

Pollycat

If your partner expects you to buy a car to ferry their kids around and you don't have the money to do so... just say so.
They are being unfair to you.