Having to buy car as partner has new job

LightFlare

It doesn't read as much of a "partnership"

As above, if you are a stay at home dad - how are you expected to fund said car

Stateofart

If you're buying a car simply to ferry kids around, I would want some form of contribution from your partner.  However, I do hear this quite often:  "I don't need a car, I have access to my partner's; can I get a lift? my partner needs the car"

Kim_13

LightFlare said:

It doesn't read as much of a "partnership"

As above, if you are a stay at home dad - how are you expected to fund said car

This. If he has a small amount of savings that the partner thinks he will use, a car in that price range nowadays might well be a money pit and won't improve their situation. 

Maybe the partner feels that as they are bringing in most or all of the money, they're always being expected to pay out - but childcare and housework comes at a cost if you do not do it amongst yourselves. If the partner isn't willing to meet somewhere in the middle, OP should say that they too will look for a new job and won't be able to be around for the children as much going forward.

If the OP does have sufficient means to buy a half decent car, then I would consider it only if the partner pays for the tax and all of the insurance (which will be higher as there is no no claims bonus available to use on a second car.) Saying that they would pay for themselves to be added is ridiculous - unless they're a lot younger or have incidents/claims/points to declare where OP has none, adding the partner is almost certain to reduce the insurance cost. Then that car is yours if ever you separate.

If your partner wants more help with funding the children's expenses than that, they should approach the children's other parent. If that parent is a deadbeat then that is unfortunate but it is not your responsibility.

ceresnet

I don't need a car
Kids mine I guess - never thought about it
Personally - none

RAS

ceresnet said:

I don't need a car
Kids mine I guess - never thought about it
Personally - none

Are you personally at least claiming the Child Benefit, which ensures that your NI contribution towards your future state pension are credited?

JReacher1

It seems slightly confusing this. You appear to be a stay at home dad, raising kids that aren’t yours and being asked to buy a car (with money you don’t have) to drive your partners kids around. 

Obviously don’t know your personal circumstances but I would be tempted to go back to work and let your partner pay for child care. 

BrassicWoman

ceresnet said:

I don't need a car
Kids mine I guess - never thought about it
Personally - none

Then I might be inclined not to have a car; and have a conversation that begins something like

 "I want to keep supporting you, but I don't have the cash to buy a car. Let's think about how the kids activities might work, when I don't have access to transport. Is it time they learned to get the bus? And, is it time I went back to work part time, if I'm expected to start funding things like cars? What are your thoughts?"

HampshireH

So much missing from this.

Whether the kids are OPs or not they have clearly taken on full parental duties by being a 'stay at home dad' as he put it. Now isn't the time to start saying "they aren't my kids".

There would have been a conversation previously as to who did what and presumably OP was agreeable to this role within the family dynamic as their children's dad and doing the stay at home role rather than working.

That said things change and perhaps going to work is now best for OP. But.... if he did would he need a car then too?

If the kids are competing at county level they must be school age. So OP could get a job in school hours should they choose to. He isn't parenting all day whilst the partner works if the kids are in school. This would be wrap around and holidays etc.

But that's beside the point.

OP may have savings and be able to afford a car which is why the partner has said this. I cannot see this info was provided. No context has been given to whether the partner can afford a car either. So they got a promotion. That could be they have just come off minimum wage or they now earn 100k year.

The salary involved really would have an influence in this as would any family debts being paid.

I just think this isn't a black and white scenario with so much detail missing about the family dynamic. But that the partner is automatically being portrayed as unreasonable and we had info drip fed.

Maybe partner is sick of OP being a stay at home dad whilst the kids are in school full time and this was to push them to go and get a job - we just don't know as we haven't been told.

caprikid1

"Sorry should have given more info 

Im a stay at home dad,  they both compete at county level "

Out of interest how old are the kids ?

silvercar

If the family dynamics mean you describe yourself as a stay at home dad, then the single earner should be funding everything necessary for the running of the home.