Any Success stories? Everything finally sorted after family "go rogue"

YoungBlueEyes

I'm not sure my story is exactly what the OP is after - it's kind of a success story but from the other side. 

Background. Father married twice, had 2 daughters each time, and he outlived both his wives. My sis and I are the younger generation. I'm nearly sure wife no1 didn't have a will, and our mother definitely died intestate. Knowing that his first 2 daughters were all about the money and liable to cause trouble he put our family home in my and my sister's names, and willed everything else to equally go 4 ways. Sis + I were the executrices (which they were dead against) and instantly started making trouble.  

Looking back now I can better understand that they were really only acting out of pain because they had no real relationship with dad and had lost the chance to build one. That's where their all-consuming anger stemmed from I think. They threw everything they had at trying to destroy me, (wild accusations, threats to do xyz) but I didn't buckle. On the advice of our family solicitor I engaged a contentious probate solicitor and everything from our side went though him. They didn't employ a solicitor (because they were "morally right") so after some to-ing and fro-ing I had him write a final letter that said 'if you've anything further to add your solicitor may address it to me', which never happened because they thought they knew better. After that I got some really nasty texts and emails - which I ignored - and it eventually dwindled to nothing. 

I asked for advice on here as it was going on, and I have to say (in case they are any lurkers who it might help) the advice I got was spot on. I don't see any of them names around now or I'd namecheck them. But staying calm, sticking to the will, listening to the wise heads on here along with my solicitor/s, is what got me through.

So I guess a success story in that it didn't end up as a cripplingly expensive court case, or me in prison (forensic accountants, financial abuse and neglect of a vulnerable adult and - as a last ditch attempt - sexual abuse were all thrown at me). 

I can't tell you the absolute agony and horror of it all at the time, but (again for the lurkers) it does pass, really it does. It doesn't seem like it ever will when you're right in the thick of it and trying to get by on 5 hours sleep a week, but keep yourself and your paperwork straight and you'll get there. 

tooldle

I’ve employed a professional executor for the second of my parents estates. Why? Because the other beneficiary is somewhat fond of throwing out threats, accusations and lying. It will cost a bit, but it’s money well spent to not have to deal with the individual and their abusive messages. From experience I expect they are spreading all kinds of lies about me and my involvement in the estate. But, as I don’t have to deal with them or the people who believe them, then I’ll not be aware of it and can get on with my life stress free. When people show you who they are, believe them.
There does seem to be a level of misunderstanding in some of the posts we see on inheritance, with conclusions being drawn that may later turn out to be incorrect. 

Malthusian

YoungBlueEyes said:

Looking back now I can better understand that they were really only acting out of pain because they had no real relationship with dad and had lost the chance to build one. 

That's a very magnanimous thing to say, because to an outsider, it sounds fairly clear that they were acting out of being awful people who wanted your money.

Accusations of sex offences aren't something people throw around because they are in pain. 

It sounds like your father walked away from both his first wife and his own daughters for a reason, and that was why they didn't have a relationship with him.

YoungBlueEyes

Well that's with hindsight Malthusian, I sure wasn't thinking it at the time. 

I never met the woman but I believe daddy's first wife was ...not a nice person... very sour apparently and her daughters are the same. It wasn't the money they were after, they each got 1/4 of the money. They wanted the house to go 4 ways too, which is why having put it in the will that it would go to me and sis he then signed it over to us. The trouble was that my sis thought they were right so it was 3 against 1, hence all the accusations. They wanted to remove me as executrice so sis could "share the house 4 ways" because that was the really right thing to do.  We ended up selling the house (I wanted to stay but couldn't afford to buy sis out), and those 2 convinced sis to hand over her share so they ended up with 1/4 each anyway. She only heard from them twice more after that and then they dropped her. 

Malthusian

Indeed, it's always good to be magnanimous after you've won a fight because it helps your brain recover. I have the luxury of being as harsh as I like because it doesn't re-trigger painful memories. I'm glad you won. 

By "your money" I meant the value of your half-shares of the house. It was always going to be sold so it was always a fight over more money.

The trouble was that my sis thought they were right so it was 3 against 1, hence all the accusations. 

Ouch. Still, this is a very good illustration that Wills do matter. Three of the Wills' beneficiaries ganged up on one, over an asset in which you only had a 50% share, plus you were only 50% of the executors. The Will was still carried out in accordance with the deceased's wishes and in favour of the outnumbered party.

One of the heirs then took a load of their inheritance and lit it on fire, but there was really nothing the deceased could practically have done about that.

Those 2 convinced sis to hand over her share so they ended up with 1/4 each anyway. She only heard from them twice more after that and then they dropped her. 

Mega-ouch. At the risk of sounding smug, I genuinely hope she learned something. 

YoungBlueEyes

I would like to think sis learned that daddy was right about them but if she did it took her a long time. She was texting me for months after asking if those 2 had new numbers cos she couldn’t reach them and they weren’t texting her back. It was awful. She’s a darker person now, less trusting. Well she believed all the horseship they told her about ‘sisters together forever’ and it knocked her when they just disappeared. Animals. 

And yes agreed, wills absolutely do matter. The reason I knew they didn’t have a solicitor/any proper legal advice is that the things they were saying were never going to happen. I knew I was doing right because yous and my sol/s were saying the same thing, whereas they were saying if they could get me done for abuse/fraud/theft/anything then I’d not be the exec any more and those house would automatically go 4 ways (!) 

The irony of it was one of them worked at a uni where a colleague was (she said) giving her free legal advice. That colleague has now gone on to bigger and better things, but if she’d been truthful with him the advice he would no doubt have given her would’ve stopped the whole thing in its tracks. It was all about greed, and I think punishment for their failed relationship with dad. 

Realising what they were and why they were doing it made it easier to …understand…? Certainly easier to file it away mentally and keep going. Or I think I’d have run mad actually. 

Sorry @Sea_Shell I didn’t mean to take over your thread. 

Sea_Shell

No problem.   "It's good to talk" 😉

Shame they didn't come on here for advice too.  But I guess they would have been told what they didn't want to hear and we'd not hear from them again. 🙄


I wonder if we've ever had both sides posting about the same issue?   

YoungBlueEyes

Funny you should say that. I did think for one awful heart-stopping minute that one of them was posting on my threads. The poster used a very particular phrase and it didn't half make my stomach drop!

I read various boards, but I don't think I've ever seen 2 threads that are both sides of one story. That would be interesting.... 

Pennylane

Yes, Someone placed a caveat on an application for probate that I submitted. It took nearly 2 years but the Probate Registrar found in my favour and approved the application.  I don’t want to go into all the details on here but I also made sure the person who put the caveat on also paid all the legal fees.  So it ended well for me after much stress, heartache and unnecessary admin work.  I do know that I hope one day the person who did this will get their comeuppance.  

Sea_Shell

Pennylane said:

Yes, Someone placed a caveat on an application for probate that I submitted. It took nearly 2 years but the Probate Registrar found in my favour and approved the application.  I don’t want to go into all the details on here but I also made sure the person who put the caveat on also paid all the legal fees.  So it ended well for me after much stress, heartache and unnecessary admin work.  I do know that I hope one day the person who did this will get their comeuppance.  

Great to hear of your Happy Ending.    Sorry that you had to go through all that mind.