Can this be fair? How how would you go about it?

SuseOrm

So I own two properties and have about £120,000 in equity across the two.  

I would want to keep both of those properties whilst moving in with my partner. 

He claims he is asset, rich, but cash poor, but actually, neither of those are true, really.  He earns about the same as me, but the truth is he Mortgage up to the eyeballs. He has a big house which is basically a big liability, so his thoughts were that when his son was a little bit older, he would downsize, and potentially we would pull our resources and buy together  
I have absolutely no issue with him ring Fencing his deposit and I would match it  
The problem is in the meantime, I definitely want a trial run before we buy a property together,  Which us suspect would involve me renting out my house .  But what happens to the rental income?

My thoughts are that that would be my money.  

I’d be happy to split the bills with him, but I don’t intend to pay anything towards a mortgage, that ultimately would And wouldn’t benefit me and But effectively I could be asked to leave the property in a heartbeat.  

His thoughts are then that he has facilitated me building up the pot that I would actually use as my deposit on the new property, and therefore almost seems to feel like it’s his money anyway. So he’s putting down the whole deposit. 

I’m also particularly unhappy about the fact that we currently don’t do very much together on the basis that he’s up to his blooming eyeballs in Debt. I could’ve done something similar, but I chose the two modest properties to make sure that I could have a life as well.  

Brie

It appears that your thoughts on handling finance are really at odds with each other so I'm wondering how well this will play out.  Your own comments reflect unhappiness and a certain distrust in the relationship.  

On the practical side  - who says you will be able to rent your property?  Unfortunately I've met more than 1 landlord who is still waiting on 2022 rent from tenants let alone that expected in 2023.  So any rent you do get must be yours to see you through any droughts.  

If you do proceed I would certainly recommend some sort of written agreement about what is expected on both sides.  That you will pay bills and he keeps the property solely as his own.  Maybe agree a set amount to be paid into a joint account every month to cover the bills and any social outings and holidays.  To be reviewed every X months.

Best of luck with this!!   

SuseOrm

I think a healthy distrust is a good thing after my ex-husband managed to convince me that I didn’t need to go on the Mortgage because I was on the deeds anyway, which turned out to put me at a huge disadvantage.  

I am Adamant that won’t happen again  Especially not at an age, where it would be virtually impossible to start all over again.  

I just think it’s better, we keep our own houses and visit,  I don’t see any advantages to hitching my wagon to his, if I’m honest

Mojisola

It sounds as if the two of you have such different approaches to handling finances that you would find it a constant source of irritation and arguments.

HillStreetBlues

TBH reading both your posts I'm wondering why you're even thinking of moving in with him.

SuseOrm

Having written it down and seen the other ladies response. I’m not any more.  Thank you for your response.  

I’m actually giving serious thought to whether the relationship continues we’re so far apart with Finances

willdc1

him.

From what I'm reading, you'd be much happier going out with your partner but not linking up financially or live with each other. You can then see how it all goes with no stress or annoyances or frustrations. The pressure is off. And you then have your freedom to decide if the relationship is right, rather than feeling backed into a corner because you're living with him and feel you can't get out. 

Malthusian

How old is his son? He pops up in your post and is then never mentioned again, but I bet that's not how his father sees it.

Whether he's 15 and likely to move out in the foreseeable future (even if only partially for uni) or 5 makes a massive difference.

If his house is oversized then the most obvious solution would be that you would move in and pay him rent at market rate (with a signed agreement that you are paying him rent and not acquiring equity in his property). He gets income he could use to reduce his debts, the house is less oversized with one more occupant, your rental payments can in turn be funded from your rental income and there's no question of who it belongs to.

SuseOrm

Malthusian said:

How old is his son? He pops up in your post and is then never mentioned again, but I bet that's not how his father sees it.

Whether he's 15 and likely to move out in the foreseeable future (even if only partially for uni) or 5 makes a massive difference.

If his house is oversized then the most obvious solution would be that you would move in and pay him rent at market rate (with a signed agreement that you are paying him rent and not acquiring equity in his property). He gets income he could use to reduce his debts, the house is less oversized with one more occupant, your rental payments can in turn be funded from your rental income and there's no question of who it belongs to.

Yeah of course we could do that but then I’m gonna want to tenancy agreement aren’t with all the legal rights that come along with that.  He’ll have to pay tax on those payments.  

I think we’ll just stay as we are to be honest

Malthusian

SuseOrm said:

Yeah of course we could do that but then I’m gonna want to tenancy agreement aren’t with all the legal rights that come along with that.  

What for? You could have just been a lodger. I don't see how a hypothetical relationship breakdown would be made easier by adding a formal eviction process on top. 

Tenancy rights are for tenants, i.e. people who don't live in the same house as their landlord. 

I realise you're probably not going to move in, it just seems worth considering for future reference.

He’ll have to pay tax on those payments.  

Only if you paid more than £7,500 a year. 

SuseOrm

Malthusian said:

SuseOrm said:

Yeah of course we could do that but then I’m gonna want to tenancy agreement aren’t with all the legal rights that come along with that.  

What for? You could have just been a lodger. I don't see how a hypothetical relationship breakdown would be made easier by adding a formal eviction process on top. 

Tenancy rights are for tenants, i.e. people who don't live in the same house as their landlord. 

I realise you're probably not going to move in, it just seems worth considering for future reference.

He’ll have to pay tax on those payments.  

Only if you paid more than £7,500 a year. 

What for ?  because if I’m paying rent, I won’t be leaving with any less than my Legal required notice period to find somewhere else to live along with my child. Maybe it wouldn’t be me leaving at all.  Might suit him to go and keep collecting the rent.  Certainly not going to be a lodger when I’m bringing 50% of the furniture with me am I come on?  However, lodgers would receive a tenancy agreement as well.  

Can’t have it both ways if you want somebody to be contributing and paying towards your mortgage, that comes with all the legal connotations that come with it And tax obligations.