Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all,
Quick one before work, just because I want to record it somewhere, I had a weird dream last night where everything is chaotic and I was trying to pack someone's house up and had one hour to do it before removals came it was utter chaos. Then an earthquake happened and I was running and scared. I found someone who knew where to go so we ran and found somewhere. Then my sister and my mum were there in the background and my two youngest children were there and they were small again. DD was probably 7 and ds 6. DS was cuddling up to me saying I missed you mummy. 🥰 I was so happy DD was busying herself like she does and gave DS a book to read and he was cuddling into me telling me he loved me, like he used to. Then I realised I was dreaming and woke up. 
I meditated before bed though and didn't sleep very well again but when I did that was the dream I had.

Anyway on with getting pack up ready and a big coat on and scarf. I'm taking DP to the train station then parking up before work so I better get a move on. 

debtfreewannabe321

Reached my £700 target! Woop 🙌🏻. Next target £750. Up to £717 already. Wonder if I can make it by December 🙂?!

KajiKita

debtfreewannabe321 said:

Reached my £700 target! Woop 🙌🏻. Next target £750. Up to £717 already. Wonder if I can make it by December 🙂?!

Awesome 🤩 👏🎊🎉

KK

Watty1

Fabulous. All goals achieved are wonderful

debtfreewannabe321

Dinner is done, I had a NSD at work 🙌🏻, dishwasher is emptied and refilled but not put on as it's a huge one compared to our old one and isn't even half filled yet. 
Work was stressful we had some safeguarding issues and low key bullying to sort out. It's tiring when it is the same person each and every week doing it and those in charge do nothing to protect the other students but protect the bully themselves saying, we have a duty to keep them 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Exhausted.
Glad dinner was leftover spag bol with a tin of chilli kidney beans (lidel do a great one) stirred through and heated with chips on the side...as I've no energy for anything else. 
To think I'm paid minimum wage for all I do in a day angers me quite a bit and is the sole reason I continually want to quit. As well as all the other people who've quit already this term I should think....if we were paid fairly I think more of us would be happier - and stay. Most of us have degrees of some sort too. And yet, I saw a cleaning job on indeed for a pound more an hour and thought what the hell am I doing. It wasn't near me though nor enough hours but I am on the lookout for anything right now that doesn't make me feel as mentally exhausted as this. 
Oh and I didn't collect my herb prescription as it was shut, I tried twice during the day. I will probably have to do it Mon now as I'm not in main campus tomorrow. Nevermind, although it what was keeping me going for today... getting a bag of goodies 🤣 (probably not goodies and actually horrible tasting tinctures lol).
The heel pads I bought have worked quite well today, I wanted some alone time at lunch and decided to traipse over to the big canteen as my foot was holding up ok. I got the last table 🙌🏻 and then was promptly joined by two other staff members without even asking 😭 obviously I wouldn't be rude they're nice people but I was just really needing some downtime. And one of these staff members will black cat you on everything, I was hobbling a little by this point (not as bad as usual though) and she said. Oh that's nothing you wanna see what is wrong with me. And proceeded to spend twenty minutes detailing her ailments 😭. F and off words sprung to mind as I sat there thinking you don't live in my body not know me well how dare you diminish my pain or my feelings or whatever else I say. So rude. And my ears shut to her to be honest and I wasn't sorry either. She was expecting awww and oooos at right points and I carried on eating my lunch 🫣. 
Picking DP up at 9 ISH so having a bath quickly to heat me up and soothe my foot - I probably need ice on it not heat but I'm freezing.
Oh we had snow too. But it lasted about forty minutes and then melted. Nothing to write home about.
And that is me done for the day. Knackered, broken (a bit) and in need of a holiday.

beanielou

Good news on target.

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all,
I've been paid! 😄 
I've ordered a lumie clock that's been sat in my basket for weeks. It's £29.99 reduced. Not sure it's the best one as it's the cheapest in the range but I didn't really want to part with £150+ for the expensive range. I'll see if this helps first. DP and I are waking up utterly exhausted before the day even starts. But then we go to work when it's still relatively dark and don't finish till the sun is going down so it's no wonder.

It's Friday! Woo...I'm hoping it passes quickly and painlessly. This weekend DP will preparing for his interview so he'll be prepping a presentation I think he said and perhaps speaking with his current boss who's offered to help him prep for it (if he gets it he'll be on the same level as his current boss). 

Hopefully a nsd at work...I've spent already this morning but I'm wanting to spend precisely zero during my working day if I can help it 😁. 
Right ....I can do this. 

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all. 
I've had an up and down day today. I'm desperately trying to focus on the good in my life right now because I feel so close to the edge of a panic attack, or bout of depression or tears right now (most of the time) so I'm going to ignore the particularly stressful swim session I've had just now and instead here is five things I am grateful for.

1- I got to leave work early for one reason or another so only actually worked three hours (and I spent lunch there too) rather than 7 hours in work 😃 I'll be paid for the full day!
2- I swam before it got too dark and cold on paid work time. 🙌🏻
3- I swam 20 lengths and had 20 mins in sauna and 10 in steam room 😃 feeling nice and warm now.
4- did six surveys when I got home with a hot cup of tea to warm me. Cashed out £7.25 have some pending too. (Keeping any survey money for now in current account to make up for spends on the lumie clock so 7.25/29.99 so far 😆).
5- having a curry tonight and I nearly caved to a takeaway when I remembered I'd bought everything I needed to make my own so will do that in a mo!
Oh and a bonus one- I've meditated for two days in a row now. 

I know I've been so down on here and moany. I'm trying hard to remain upbeat in every day life. Most people at work haven't a clue about anything going on in my private life (DS and stresses of jobs, pain 😭 etc and everything else that comes and goes) so I am aware I kind of mask at work, smiling all day, everyone thinks I'm bubbly and happy, and when I'm home it all comes out to you all. Or DP. Poor DP 🙈 he gets it the most. 💝
I'm trying to change things, small bits at a time or it becomes too much and too overwhelming and I just revert back to the me I don't particularly like (moaning one). So I'm starting with meditation. And also some herbs for the pain - OH I forgot to add- no fracture from the X ray! Dr finally called me back when I put yet another request for a call earlier! This means I can crack on (no pun intended) with some alternative therapies - I'm going to try either acupuncture or reflexology as well as physio exercises I have downloaded and whatever cream they have concocted for me. 
I would love to start my new year already firmly in a new routine of thinking healthier, feeling healthier and less pain. The pain and DS are the two things I am most down about. I cannot change the DS situation so I shall attempt to change up some of the things I do have control over. I've been wearing heel pads for two days now and it does cushion my foot well when walking, however it restricts movement ever so slightly (these ones go over your foot and are made from some sort of rubber) so I've got a little stiff around my ankle, I will stretch it through because the benefits outweigh the cons. I think it needs rest, and, well, pfft fat chance of that for long enough to make a difference 😆🙈.

Okay,. anyway I had a NSD at work so that was good. I'm off to make a nice curry now for DP and myself..DD won't eat it because it stains her braces. So we rarely have it now and it used to be my staple dinner!!! She can have pizza as she was supposed to go to a sleepover but changed her mind. I think we've got frozen ones in the freezer 😁.

Watty1

Feel down and moan away on here - it is a safe space and we all understand the need for the public mask and the real person, goodness knows I've got that.  Trying to be positive and upbeat when really I would like to hibernate so understand only too well.

Pain is such a drain, is there anything else you could try?  Five weeks to go to boxing day, so what options could you try?  Physio exercises have helped my pain levels this year, I tried massage, osteopathy, chiropractic and I'd like to find a Bowen person - all over the year.  I think for me what really helped was the physio and a six weekly osteopath.   Sorry, sounding positive when what I really want to say is I get it.  Is there anything that might help?  Hot/cold packs maybe?

DS just needs pushing aside for now because as much as you love him, that one needs him to reach out too, so just hold the space for now   In time it will happen.

beanielou

If you can manage the pain so it’s not so overwhelming then everything will improve so much. As Watty says there’s nothing you can do at this moment in time about DS so park it as much as you can. Xx