Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

Bananabreadyum

Sounds like youve had a productive weekend and some good thinking time x
Would your garden lend itself to having a few chickens, obviously in a coop, your garden is way too pretty to be trashed by chickens!! Ask me how I know 😂😂

beanielou

Great idea to get a new wee furry friend. 

Mr M sends you purrs. 

KajiKita

In a strange way I think the bike riders were a helpful release. You went there with the intention of self soothing and instead have become ‘angry’ (not quite the right word but I hope you follow my intention here), released a whole heap of pent up emotion and passion and become massively energised. 

FWIW, I am really proud of you for finally deciding to make your home a home for you and not for all those that float in and out and will gradually become more independent over the years to come anyway. Ultimately you can only live your life for you, and to some degree, DP. That might sound selfish but I really don’t think it is - I think it’s a maturing that comes with dropping energy levels as we get older and starting to be clearer about what actually matters to *us*. 

I think it’s also right to recognise that you have had a really tough 12 to 18 months, starting with the loss of your dog and rolling on (and on!) from there. Honour the fact that you are still standing, caring, loving, trying, in spite of it all. You may be a bit battered and bloodied, but what a Warrior Woman you are 💪❤️ I have had a similarly tough 18 months and I’m finding myself doing a lot of reflecting too about what I WANT (for once) rather than the obligations others would like to put on me (people have a tendency to decide that I would be good at this or that and then start steering or manipulating me into doing them - no more! 😉)

I really hope you get your foot sorted soon as I I think that would release a whole lot of energy and frustration for you, plus you could get a bit more exercise (gardening, dancing, swimming whatever 😊) which would also make you feel better. Being in pain all the time is exhausting too. 

KK

debtfreewannabe321

greenbee said:

Get the house done and use the space to have guests to stay (if you're getting a sofabed, and you have a spare room and DS's room, then it sounds as if you're good for a few house parties!). Make this the house where you do lots of entertaining - and you don't have to wait until it's finished, as long as you have somewhere for people to sit, can produce a meal or drinks, and there is somewhere for non-local guests to stay. That way you can fill the house with positive energy and good memories and enjoy the next few years rather than thinking about the emptiness.

Looking back at my parents' visitors' book, once we left home they seemed to have people staying constantly It's only slowed down since my dad died, and all their friends are getting older and less able to travel (and my mum is also getting older and less able to cope with a houseful all the time). 

I cross posted with you @greenbee and this is a good idea. I've got into the habit of closing doors off on unused rooms. So we have at the mo three doors close most days. It seems criminal when I've spent years pining for more space! The minute I get It I don't need it 🫩🙈! I think I'm going to spend the next few weeks really thinking about the spaces and how to use them properly so they aren't lying dormant. Thank you 🙏🏻

debtfreewannabe321

daisy_1571 said:

Sounds very productive and perhaps you are entering a new 'stage' of life ?

We all go through ups and downs, if you just wanted a moan not ideas just ignore.  BUT you can moan all you want on here, its your diary and only needs to serve you.  

I would encourage you not to be despondent about building your life round your children and them never being grateful  - I think its designed into lots of children to be selfish and see everything through their own prism and only think about things in regard to how it affects them with absolutely no regard to everyone around them.   It might be when they are 25, 40, when they have their own children,  grandchildren, or one day in their 80s when you are long gone, but one day they will look back and realise what was done for them, how unselfish a parent has been, how ungrateful they were at the time.  The only thing you can remind yourself is how you did what you did with best intentions, with the best resources you had available (physical or mental resources), you did it because you wanted to, you would do it again for them etc etc.  

But its definitely time to start thinking more about you and dp.  How you want to live.  I doubt anyone here will think you mad for wanting to rightsize your house.  Sounds very sensible indeed.

In the short term I would try to allocate functions to rooms to help you feel settled.  A room can have any function - craft room, library, music room, morning/afternoon/evening room if the sun hits a room at a particular time of day and its nice to sit in with a book and a cuppa, tv room, dining area for 2 people and separate one for larger groups, proper storage room with shelving and hangers so you can keep outdoor clothes Christmas stuff holiday stuff neatly and easily accessible so you have nothing in the attic, I've run out of ideas but you will have ideas for the things you, dp and dd do.  (Maybe make dd a suite so she has a livingroom as well as her bedroom so she isn't sitting on her bed in the evening.)  Get using every inch of your house and enjoy these next few years in your big house.

Great idea to get some new furries.  Its always nice to be needed by something.   Maybe a dog not a good idea when you still have issues with walking.   Local rescues will have cats or other smalls looking for foster, permanent foster or proper adoption.   To help pick one that will be right for you maybe do some volunteering, we got ours after 3 months of a weekly shift cleaning out the cat pens, an old one eyed cat with a heart issue who'd lost her owner but who seemed to strike up a bond with me, we've had her 2 years now.  


Hope things look better after a good night's sleep   

Dxxxx

Thank you @daisy_1571 I have never thought to use the spaces like this. I think it makes sense. Just because they were bedrooms or living rooms doesn't mean they need to stay that way. I love this site for all the helpful ideas, I've spent too long just shutting the doors on these rooms. Today I almost emptied one out, and I'm going to carry on doing this. Once they're empty I will have a think to see what I can do with each space. Need to get creative I think 😃 

I would absolutely love some cats but I'm really allergic, my throat smells and I can't breathe very quickly ☹️☹️ chickens I've had before and absolutely loved and hypoallergenic dog (schnauzer) so I think I'd stick to these as I know I'm ok. I've been on a few pet rescue sites for a while waiting for a dog that I can have but there seems to be the most interest in those posts 🙈. The right one will come to me when the time is right I've every faith in that 😌.

debtfreewannabe321

greenbee said:

I like Daisy's idea. When I was moving I wanted a library, a yoga room, and a sewing room. I've turned the smallest bedroom into a sort-of library (I have to use it as a recording studio for work as the acoustics in my office are rubbish). I haven't got the yoga or sewing rooms sorted yet, but I really should put more thought into it!

I've ALWAYS (!!) wanted a library.... I'm beginning to form an idea of one for the front living room -it's very small for sofas 10x11ft...hence why we got an extension- but perfect for a small study/ library I think! 🤔😁

debtfreewannabe321

Bananabreadyum said:

Sounds like youve had a productive weekend and some good thinking time x
Would your garden lend itself to having a few chickens, obviously in a coop, your garden is way too pretty to be trashed by chickens!! Ask me how I know 😂😂

@bananabreadyum in our second but last house I had 8 chickens over my time there. I would lock them in their pen ( 10ft x 20ft so not small and full of plants!) and they would cluck at me and I'd instantly feel guilty and let them all out to destroy my garden then I'd be swearing at them trying to catch them and lock them back after a while and say never again. Until the next day. And so on and so forth and I learned which plants they didn't like to eat 🤣🤣🤣. Then I let them out all the time lol 

debtfreewannabe321

beanielou said:

Great idea to get a new wee furry friend. 

Mr M sends you purrs. 

Oh thank you 🥰🥰🥰 he's such a beauty! I wish I could have a cat I absolutely love their cuddles 🥰

MFWannabe

debtfreewannabe321 said:

greenbee said:

I like Daisy's idea. When I was moving I wanted a library, a yoga room, and a sewing room. I've turned the smallest bedroom into a sort-of library (I have to use it as a recording studio for work as the acoustics in my office are rubbish). I haven't got the yoga or sewing rooms sorted yet, but I really should put more thought into it!

I've ALWAYS (!!) wanted a library.... I'm beginning to form an idea of one for the front living room -it's very small for sofas 10x11ft...hence why we got an extension- but perfect for a small study/ library I think! 🤔😁

Sounds perfect space for a library 
Bookshelves, nice comfy reading chair 😍

debtfreewannabe321

KajiKita said:

In a strange way I think the bike riders were a helpful release. You went there with the intention of self soothing and instead have become ‘angry’ (not quite the right word but I hope you follow my intention here), released a whole heap of pent up emotion and passion and become massively energised. 

FWIW, I am really proud of you for finally deciding to make your home a home for you and not for all those that float in and out and will gradually become more independent over the years to come anyway. Ultimately you can only live your life for you, and to some degree, DP. That might sound selfish but I really don’t think it is - I think it’s a maturing that comes with dropping energy levels as we get older and starting to be clearer about what actually matters to *us*. 

I think it’s also right to recognise that you have had a really tough 12 to 18 months, starting with the loss of your dog and rolling on (and on!) from there. Honour the fact that you are still standing, caring, loving, trying, in spite of it all. You may be a bit battered and bloodied, but what a Warrior Woman you are 💪❤️ I have had a similarly tough 18 months and I’m finding myself doing a lot of reflecting too about what I WANT (for once) rather than the obligations others would like to put on me (people have a tendency to decide that I would be good at this or that and then start steering or manipulating me into doing them - no more! 😉)

I really hope you get your foot sorted soon as I I think that would release a whole lot of energy and frustration for you, plus you could get a bit more exercise (gardening, dancing, swimming whatever 😊) which would also make you feel better. Being in pain all the time is exhausting too. 

KK

Thank you @KajiKita I'm finding this transition to this stage of my life really tough. I'm not quite empty nester but almost there. And I literally went from being a teenager in my mother's house to a mum and I've never had a space all of my own. Or to think about just myself (and DP of course). I'm finding it exciting one minute and then I'm crying the next because my house should be filled with kids still. It's a process and what with one thing and another happening this year I've really struggled. 
I think it's a great idea to use these empty rooms. I have literally shut the door on them ....this has to change! I'm going to see what I can use them all as and make some plans to decorate ready for some use. I find nothing sadder than a room with no life in it. ❤️

Thank you all I really have appreciated all your support and input in helping me move forward. In fact it's brought a tear to my eye that so many are so supportive on here when you don't even know me and those in real life don't care enough to even offer advice ❤️.