Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

daisy_1571

Tbh id have been delighted to get that message!   The last thing you want is ds telling ex about you, your family and your setup, its got p all to do with him so other than questions like is your new school as good or better than your old school ex does not need any information? 

But, as usual, my advice is completely ignore it, you've no idea what tge full story is so dont get involved. 

Dxx

MeandO

Sending you virtual hugs DFW123 x 
I totally get what you’re going through, I have rumblings of it at the moment with my DS (14) and his narc father. It’s really tough and my heart broke for you reading your post about the phonecall. I can offer no advice other than keeping busy helps me not to think about things so keep up the swimming and business and hopefully things work themselves out really soon. Xx

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you all, and Daisy I think on reflection you're right actually because ex was probably probing for information. Every time he collected the children recently he'd be nosing into our cars and windows in the house to see what we have and suchlike. I found it unnerving tbh how blatantly nosy he was. 
@MeandO I hope your ex doesn't win round your DS the same as mine has been won round. It really is heartbreaking and I've cried many a tear over this in the last couple of months. 


We've been swimming this morning but I wasn't feeling it. I had heart palpitations and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I went and sat in the steam room instead and sauna and I did manage to do a few more laps in the slowest lane once I'd calmed my body down. I did 18 or 20 in the end (I lost count 😐😅).

Home now and had breakfast. I weighed myself before breakfast and I've put on more weight. I'm unsure how this is happening because I've been eating quite well. I'm hoping it's water retention from new exercise routine 🤔😐. I was feeling bigger because my usual comfy trousers were too tight! 😳

Back home and we are trying to do some gardening before rain starts again. We've cut two big butterfly bushes back as they'd reached at least 15+ft each and were bending all over the place so we've got lots of branches to chip down. Although DP was like do you want this as mulch on your beds as there's a tonne of seeds in the flowers. 🤔 He is right so now I'm not sure I do.

I've had another timetable and I have no learners from last year which is a shame as I wanted a couple back. I've seen one around though and congratulated him on his GCSE pass 👏🏻 .
I seem to have four days of practical on my timetable 🤔 after four days of non stop GCSE and theory last year I felt this is too good to be true so we will see how next week goes before I say yay. I know there will be more changes as my friend whom I got the job with me has been offered another job (I helped her apply for this too as it's closer to her house and slightly more hours for her). So I think there will be more changes to come.

Roast dinner today, first in months. I'm staying away from SM's today and will go shopping on my day off on weds to eek the food out that we have - we've a lot that needs using up and I'd rather use that first.
I received a green chef box yesterday that I had cancelled, in fact I received two 🤔. Inside was lots of ice packs and salad and tofu and chicken that was about it. First off I don't eat meat 🤔 second I cancelled the order so I had to spend a while trying to sort this today and making sure they didn't charge me. 
We ended up giving the chicken to the guy who sold us this house. He popped by with his kids to collect the mail and DP was like come in! Have a look round! 😳 Ummm what?! The house was a mess! So anyway they had a look round and the kids were asking daddy if they could move back here as they miss it (they're very small) and I felt bad then ☹️ so anyway they took the meat and some tins of tuna and chicken soup that I had piled for the food bank and the mail 😅. We said they were welcome back any time (they are they're nice people but I'd love to hoover first next time lol).

So today I'm just doing a bit of pottering in the garden and a roast and not much else.
The new Conjuring movie was okay yesterday although I felt the earlier ones were better tbh 🤔. We had fun. It's so much better watching in a huge noisy cinema where the scares are ten times worse 😅. 

I've messaged DS. But I think my friend is right I should probably cut off contact because he's reading and never replying. He's also blocked me on some social media. I feel I make it worse for myself keeping reaching out and getting a stonewall each time. 
Right off to do some jobs before my energy gets up and leaves completely.

daisy_1571

I certainly wouldn't cut off contact but I would only send occasional cheery little texts like, hope this week goes well at school, I see there's a new (game/TV programme/comic whatever his likes are) out you might enjoy, what gorgeous weather this weekend hope you had some time outside etc etc.  Never ask a question, never ever expect a response, never try to pressure a response, just keep friendly lines open

I'd also encourage your daughter to keep lines open but again don't jump in on her calls.  Your son needs to know he can contact her any time he needs a friend.   Obviously she mustn't listen or encourage his misogynistic comments but steer it round to better topics between them making sure he is under no misapprehension that she will tolerate insults (other than the usual brother sister stuff of course)

He has growing up still to do but bide your time and you'll be in the best position to get an adult relationship with him

Dxxx

Watty1

Great suggestions from Daisy.  Wish I could be so wise x

KajiKita

Think Daisy is spot on. 

I also think that counselling would be a good idea for DS - ex can’t butt into that and a good counsellor should be able to see through the dynamic fairly swiftly and perhaps recalibrate DS’s perceptions and expectations.

Sending hugs though, because it sucks x

KK

debtfreewannabe321

Totally agree on all counts. I wouldn't have got involved in the last phone call but DD was waving for me to come over and say hi.... So I obliged...and well, we know how that turned out.

Counselling would probably be a good idea, DS hasn't been happy since my DP came along really. He was my baby and I think he felt my affection was split too many ways. I was lonely though and had been single a long time (years unlike ex who immediately got new gfs so the kids were used to him having someone else) and I never used to put DP above my kids... However there was a period when DS did not want to go to his dad's house. And ex was on my messages playing the victim and telling me he had nothing worth living for if his kids didn't want to see him. I stupidly felt sorry for him. So I talked DS into going. But it did coincide with when DP turned up on the scene....I can see how a 9 year old may have (wrongly) viewed this...mum replacing me with DP. Not the case at all. But I do think this is why ds never warmed to DP.  Ex was also continually telling the two younger children that it's mummy's fault daddy isn't at home as he wants to come back and mummy won't let him.
And yet ds warms to every female on the scene for ex. And there's been a fair few. It all feels so unfair and I've no idea how to make any of this right. After my awful childhood I have tried to give my children all a safe, warm, comfortable home life full of love and this entire situation feels a slap in the face.
I've only had this realisation since DS has been gone .. perhaps DS might have some of his own realisations with some counselling. Manipulation and gaslighting are hard to see when you're in the thick of it.

I'm so tired today and I really need to do some jobs. DP is out doing the lawn. He's woodchipped lots of the branches we had. 
I've laid on the sofa feeling a little unwell with palpitations and exhaustion. I will make an effort with some dinner and ironing though as both need doing. 

beanielou

Can you not just chill?  You don’t need to be always doing xxx

debtfreewannabe321

beanielou said:

Can you not just chill?  You don’t need to be always doing xxx

I took myself off to bed for a nap instead. DP offered to iron the couple of bits needed and make dinner ⭐. 

KajiKita

debtfreewannabe321 said:

beanielou said:

Can you not just chill?  You don’t need to be always doing xxx

I took myself off to bed for a nap instead. DP offered to iron the couple of bits needed and make dinner ⭐. 

I’m glad, this is what I wanted to happen for you x

KK