Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

Watty1

Great news

A picnic blanket for the concert and sit on the grass?  Some years ago I went to a forest concert with a similar rule and so many people were just sitting on the grass.

debtfreewannabe321

The electricians are in and making the old conservatory safe to dismantle on Monday. It's all go I guess...

KajiKita

Exciting times! 😊👏

KK

earthgirl2

Hope you enjoyed the concerts and your back survived! Good luck for all of the building work. 

Watty1

debtfreewannabe321 said:

The electricians are in and making the old conservatory safe to dismantle on Monday. It's all go I guess...

how exciting!

Queen_of_the_Hive

debtfreewannabe321 said:

I've just submitted the gas and electricity meter readings. Smart readers aren't very smart are they 🙃 ours never works and I'm continually being asked to send a reading in. Anyway if their estimate is not too far off what reality is then I'm only £389 in debt with them now. As opposed to a couple of hundred more a few months ago. But I won't hold my breath till they calculate from my readings.

JP for dinner. Nice and safe ..my tum still very sensitive. It's also raining again. And I've found ANOTHER ant farm on the red currant bush this time 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don't actually know how organic farmers do their job because I would fail (am failing cos I don't like to use chemicals). 

NSD today 🙏🏼 nearly gave in on my two hours lunch break but I just refilled my water instead of buying caffeine. Better for me and my purse lol.

Hey @debtfreewannabe321, if your in the north. Smart meters don't work properly due to the message signalling system. Have the same problem. There was an article I read some moons ago which showed a map. The south of UK is on a better digital system but the north is on a cheaper system that doesn't work. I have smart meters but still give real meter readings each month.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cq52382zd1no

Congrats on the mortgage bit. One step closer the extension.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks for popping by all, I have had a really mixed week and I have been up and down, up and down and well, I am about exhausted now. I caught my DS vaping last week in my house (he's not 16 YET and I was pretty annoyed, I don't like it as it aggravates my chest and quite frankly it's not a habit I would encourage.) We had a conversation at his door where I told him off, he got irritable with me and kept asking if I was going to kick him out, which I found really bizarre and I kept saying no, I am allowed to tell you off without this escalating to an eviction (?? confused look on my face the entire time). Eventually, as he kept repeating it, I said, do you want to move out is there where this conversation is going? And to that he replied, yes. That one word sent everything into a spiral for me. He went off downstairs to ring his dad to arrange moving out. He was laughing and chatting with him, I could hear them plotting their future and I was crying my eyes out. I have been stonewalled and gaslighted and manipulated and emotionally blackmailed, not just by my ex over the years but also by my ds over recent months. And it has all come to a head. I feel devastated. I have quite literally brought our three children up on my own and I feel he has swanned in at the 11th hour to claim hero status of saving ds from his god awful mother. I spoke to ex the day after and his energy and voice and tone were full of glee. He spent around 20 minutes selling how wonderful he was to me. I cried some more afterwards, I feel so confused and I feel played. AND I cannot make sense of anything. This is how I spent my entire marriage....  playing a game of chess that I didn't know I was playing, and not understanding the rules, and I have well and truly been played. 


I think this has been planned for quite a while and ex has sent ds home after every visit, saying just put up with her, she will eventually have enough and throw you out. It didn't ever happen like that and so they've had to play another hand which has shown ex's true colours to me, to DD and to DP. DS is oblivious. I found out about the plans via DD talking to my ex MIL. She mistakenly thought DS has already moved as ex and him were discussing it months ago. My ex has always had a wonderful way of controlling me with confusion and the ability to be able to argue black is blue and confuse me so much I end up just not arguing, my son has been doing the same recently. I am devastated, I have spent my whole adult life raising children, they are my life. But I am also very aware that the energy in our house has become so toxic we all (DD, DP, and myself) dread it when DS comes home as it takes him weeks to get back to himself. And just lately he has never gone back to himself.  I am concerned for him going to my ex for a few reasons I won't put on here but his job role, his status suggest to everyone that he is more than capable and 'should' be fantastic at being a parent. I know otherwise. But I don't know what to do. I have had streams of email chains whilst I have been at work from him CC'ing me into new schools, to colleges and telling DS current school he will no longer be attending. I haven't spoken to ds current school as honestly I am confused as to what to say. I don't want him to go, his dad is toxic as hell. He already struggles emotionally and mentally and I don't think it will be any better there.....so I am in limbo with that right now. 

Confusion, exhaustion and trying to find silver linings are the theme of my week so far. 

IN amongst this we have had had concerts, moving furniture for the deconstruction of the old lean to and mortgage appointments and quite honestly too many tears and I am exhausted. And today I come home to banging and power tools going as they took the old lean to down. We will have a wonderful view of the garden in the new room  
The concerts were great and it was fabulous to have some time to focus on something other than this. I have been meditating daily which has helped me enormously with perspective and clarity, but every time a new email chain comes in it throws me back to square one. The way ex is talking to me suggests he is copy and pasting all communications in case he needs it for some reason. He knows I have CPTSD and he knows if he pushes me enough I will respond with emotion which he uses against me. So I am trying hard to not do anything, hence my being in limbo....it's only human to have emotions after all but I have had mine used against me for nearly 3 decades now 😑.

I made an impulse purchase the day after it all happened. I have been quietly coveting a 1960s G Plan swivel chair since last year but I never bought it because I had braces to save for, emergency funds, ski trips, driving lessons, trips for school, new shoes, and suits, and birthdays, and god knows what else that means us mums never have any guilt free spends for ourselves. I drove out to the shop the day after and bought it and had it delivered that evening. This is the first time I have ever bought something so expensive, just for me, just because I wanted it rather than needed it. AND i am not in the least bit sorry either. It cost a small fortune (to me) but I sit in it as I type this, and think f-k it. Time to be me rather than mum.
I am sure usual DFW service will resume shortly.....until then I will enjoy my chair and raided savings fund.

beanielou

No idea what to say TBH. Although I think if your DS does move to his dads the blinkers will come off quickly. Sometimes there is only so much you can do. You & I both know that you have been a fantastic parent. Be kind to yourself xx
& enjoy your new chair. 

skint_spice

Just keep communicating with DS and let him know he is free to visit or move back at anytime. 

KajiKita

Oh hun, that sounds utterly horrible. I just hate that kind of manipulation and game playing. It’s pretty sadistic. 

I think Beanie and SkintSpice are both right - hold space for your son with compassion and love for the child he still is within him, don’t rise to any nonsense and let it play out. Keep communication open with your son and just tell him you love him and wish him all the best with his choice and then stand back. He will see through it eventually. 

I find it interesting that your instinctive response was a f-it moment and you finally bought something for you that you’ve never chance to have before. Keep doing this. Not the spending! 😉 But the standing your ground, holding YOUR boundaries and what is important to you. You are a warrior, you are strong, we believe in you, we see you, believe in yourself. 

Sending huge, huge hugs and love and masses of Life-light. This will pass - ride the wave of the storm on your love for your son, DP’s love for you and your hard won self respect which your ex has no right to even touch or look upon, let alone taint. 

(I will say there is part of me that is RAGING on your behalf right now. It’s a good thing that I don’t know your ex or where he is - I can feel a Light-sword, a big one, twitching in my hand!! 

✨✨✨✨😡✨✨✨✨)

KK