Watty's Awakening

PennysIntoPounds

You're doing a wonderful job supporting VNM and his mum, and while it's a shame to need to cancel your plans today you're doing the right thing by recognising that you need some quiet recovering time too. Maybe some of the work could be left until Monday if you were going to be out today anyway? Sounds like a snooze, a read, a glass of wine in the garden sort of day would be beneficial, and much deserved x

Viking_mfw

That's a lot for you Watty, and you are doing a wonderful job. VNM is lucky to have you, just as much as you are to have him. 

daisy_1571

That sounds very difficult if he thinks categories like old papers are important, you might have a job on your hands when the mother goes?  Will he want to keep it all as a shrine to her do you think? As I remember he lives in that house too?  He might be unable to cope however hopefully he can steel himself to check on all the legalities now whilst she is still arroind?  Poa, will, where her important papers are etc

Well done helping him deal with it. 

Dxxx

Cherryfudge

I hope you've been able to catch up with yourself a bit today @Watty1, it sounded as though you really needed a day off. However, it also sounds like massive progress on the VNM's mother's house.

I do feel for him, having had a similar experience with my Mum: all the things seemed important to her though actually when she'd been away in hospital a while then went back home, she was shocked how cluttered it was. Living there all the time she'd ceased to see it as others might.

The power of her mind set over me was huge: even now, years later, I might have difficulty throwing something out because it 'mattered' to her, though she was a most generous person and would give things away readily. So it may not be that the VNM himself feels the things have to stay, but he's protecting her.

I hope she feels the benefit of being back at home - and you and the VNM can ride the changes. It's a very stressful thing but looking at it as moving to a new stage is a good way to frame it.

redofromstart

Not sure if it's easier or harder because she is not directly yours as such. Much sympathy from me. 

I end up feeling mildly guilty about the oddest things because I know he was keeping them for a reason. Not quite sure why he had a box with 50 plus clean small cat food tins though...

greenbee

redofromstart said:

Not sure if it's easier or harder because she is not directly yours as such. Much sympathy from me. 

I end up feeling mildly guilty about the oddest things because I know he was keeping them for a reason. Not quite sure why he had a box with 50 plus clean small cat food tins though...

I might know the answer to that! I use them for putting the insect bombs in when I fumigate the shed. So it might have been for dealing with hot stuff being thrown out or burning things. 

Fifty seems a lot to keep though, particularly when there is a constant supply.

My mum has worked through my dad’s stuff in stages depending on what she feels she can deal with. The things that has annoyed her for years were surprisingly hard as she felt guilty about those.

LadyWithAPlan

 Congrats on the course, you are moving everything forward  Watty! Plus the driving of the horse box - your ex was a world class gaslighter and spirit suppressor 
glad you really seeing your worth and have a supportive VNM 

Sounds like you are being equally supportive back with his mum and I am sure he appreciates your help. That Swedish Death Cleaning is such a helpful way to reframe conversations and attitudes in difficult times 
I had paused my death cleaning but am reminded to start again, plus it’s never a one time thing 

On the cash isa there are the flexible isa ones where not only can you take money out but also you can replace that taken out cash within the same tax year so you don’t lose the tax free status 
so add £20k in today, take £10k out Dec 1st 
add £10k back in before April 5th.. 
these flexible ones are all listed in mse and are about same rates as not all banks do them 

Watty1

daisy_1571 said:

That sounds very difficult if he thinks categories like old papers are important, you might have a job on your hands when the mother goes?  Will he want to keep it all as a shrine to her do you think? As I remember he lives in that house too?  He might be unable to cope however hopefully he can steel himself to check on all the legalities now whilst she is still arroind?  Poa, will, where her important papers are etc

Well done helping him deal with it. 

Dxxx

When I met him he rented her house but she had recently moved in after her partner had died saying she could not go back to the house they had shared and cancelled the rent from him, covid and all that meant they had ended up sharing the house so gradually he has spent more and more time with me.

He will clearly need to go back to keep an eye on her now but interestingly whilst he was there yesterday he had started to throw out stuff that she had kept that I had not wanted to touch (empty boxes ice cream came in, bags bread came in, old meat pie tins and so on).  He said he felt motivated as he had seen how much I had achieved in a few hours in the living room but "nothing important" had been touched.

I am trying very hard to remember this is not my issue. I will help if asked and only really spent Thursday tackling stuff because I could see if I did not then it would be so hard for carers (and my cleaner who is going to clean regularly there now).

Watty1

The kitchen cleaning continues. This week's flour use up are cheese scones which are very nice but I have learnt all the "use up thread" elsewhere on the forum that my SR flour has a sale raising agent as they are very flat (as was last weeks sugar free Victoria sponge cake).    No matter, they taste nice and will make a snack this week.      I have no idea why I have SR flour anyway.  I have never really baked much if at all.   I will use the rest up as naan bread following inspiration and suggestion on another thread.

Yesterday's use up was the rest of the chickpeas which were turned into the most delicious stew.  I've kept the inspiration for that as the stew as so fast to make, lovely and 2 portions are in the freezer.  (leeks, carrots, onions all in the stew with tinned tomatoes lots of spices and then garnished with parsley and some very old spring onions chopped and served with bread from the bread maker).

The tin's cupboard is now down to tomatoes (a store cupboard staple) 1 x black bean, 1 x butter bean 2 x baked beans, 1 x haricot beans and 2 x sweetcorn (which I don't really like but plan on using up in a chicken and sweetcorn soup).  I'm actually really pleased with this, once it is cleared I can then buy things for the meal list rather than having a cupboard of odd bits.  My grocery bill remains low but the food has all been great.

The flour bags do not seem to be going down LOL but they will.  Every weekend I try to think of something to make for the week ahead using stuff I have.  Spelt banana bread and the chestnut flour biscuits the best so far.    The freezer stash is going down to, and gradually main dishes are going in there (and being used up on busy evenings).

Using the death cleaning approach, I've gone through the spices and herb jars of which there were a lot including many duplicates.  Some did not pass the "sniff" test and others were not worth keeping (how any jars of mustard seeds that were sell by 2013 are needed LOL) and there are still a lot of duplicates but gradually those will go down.
 
I have a clear picture of where I want to get to: a meal plan for a couple of weeks and just buy for that with a freezer full of home cooked ready meals for busy days rather than random ingredients in a cupboard.

greenbee

I need to follow your example on the using up the kitchen! I have buckwheat flour and psyllium husk that haven't been touched while other stuff (chickpea and chestnut flour) as been restocked.