Watty's Awakening

Watty1

It rained hard so fireworks are now tonight.   There were a few folk locally who let them off but far enough away not to be a problem and I have classic FM playing on the yard for the horses until late into the night.

I'm not really sure why anxiety has really ramped up. Might be seasonal, although I am using the SAD light but VNM asked if I though it might be that I was just not coping with all that has been going on and when he listed it all out, it did seem a lot.  TBH the list was a bit overwhelming and he bravely added in that he wasn't coping with the sale of his mothers house either which is why that just got added to my list.     Plus I have a lot of anxiety over fireworks as last year was so bad here and now the "laurel hedges" have added to that stress.

ladybird1106

As well as using the sad lamp are you taking vitamin d as well? Just I get SAD and was encouraged by my dr to take this as well. Although I would recommend asking for a blood test first to establish if this is an issue for you.

Love 🐞

daisy_1571

Is it worth taking a short video and showing the laurels?  They sound like generally nice people who want to have a lovely time with their grandchildren but aren't thinking beyond themselves. Maybe seeing what their little but of fun is doing will make them think twice.  Next year they could go to the grandchildren house for their party if they must buy them for themselves rather than going to a display?  

I'm sure you've talked before about the peaks and troughs.  You've been in fairly flat water for quite a while but adding up all the things in your life plus whats been going on with vnm mother and daughter over last 18 months to 2 years its bound to have a reaction.   Plus, although the changes you've been personally making are good and positive,  the brain likes whats familiar,  even if whats familiar is !!!!!! so that in itself is a slight anxiety for the subconscious 

Take care, this too shall pass (as we all know, sorry, I know you know that and are living proof  of it, not trying to teach grandma to suck eggs, just tryingto be positive   )

Dxx

Watty1

@ladybird1106    the vitamin D is a good shout, I have some and don't use it over the summer but given how wet I got on the yard this morning summer is over so I will add back in. 

@daisy_1571  the video is a good idea. The horse pal I rode with this morning suggested same so it would seem you both have great ideas.   

I also think Daisy is right about the brain wanting the familiar. I have just had too many big changes and whilst everything is actually good I have been thinking of PPH in a slightly wistful way which is clearly my brain wanting to go back to the familiar - which intellectually I know was dreadful but clearly is the brain just wanting "safe"    I have zoned out binge watching netflix for a couple of hours which seems to switch everything off for a while.

Slinky

I think you need to have a gentle word with the part of your brain that thinks PPH was safe, he was on a different planet to VNM.

ajmoney

Slinky said:

I think you need to have a gentle word with the part of your brain that thinks PPH was safe, he was on a different planet to VNM.

Someone the other day mentioned the bad bacteria sending out signals while you are getting your body used to the good bacteria, I think the brain is the same here. What the brain thinks is safe is actually what was your normal, even though you know this was either normal or safe.

Gently remind your brain where you are now compared to then. You have your vision board and are manifesting some awesome changes in your life.

PennysIntoPounds

Understandable for overwhelmed brain to want to go back to a time when it was told it was useless, as its craving not being used for a bit, but you know that comes at too high a price. 
Is there enough in the coffers for you and VNM to book a mini break so you have something to look forward to and a change of scenery, if a friend could tend to the horses for a couple of days?

KajiKita

I recognise thinking of the controlling ex in a slightly wistful way … I did that too. I think because I was exhausted (it turned out I was severely under par in terms of my thyroid at the time as well) and I wanted someone to come in and tell me what to do, so I didn’t have to think, take responsibility for absolutely everything and do all the adulting ... 

I second the suggestion of a short break for you and VNM. Maybe by the coast? Some big skies, fresh air and a change of scene would definitely help.

Sending hugs for what you know logically is absurdity, but you can’t stop surfacing (a bit like a burp! 😉) x

KK

ajmoney

I am also looking on my own life a little wistfully at the moment so I am trying to take my own advice and that of others while being very kind to myself x

Humdinger1

I do hope that this doesn't sound flip or isn't too triggering for anyone...what people seem to be describing above is coercive control.  May I hail everyone for coming out of these situations and working out who they are and building new lives around that.  Brave, intelligent and funny.  Love Humdinger xx