Watty's Awakening

Alchemilla

Hey Watty. Sending hugs for your mental health.

Have you got or considered a really good therapist? Xxx

Watty1

Alchemilla said:

Hey Watty. Sending hugs for your mental health.

Have you got or considered a really good therapist? Xxx

I have worked with someone who was really helpful in the past.  She was a solutions based hypnotherapist and I also have some notes from someone I really respect who treats brain chemistry issues with food.   Today I have dusted off notes and am starting the protocol again and I have started up the journal the hypnotherapist got me using and started to use the mediation/trance recording she gave me to use on my own

I cannot face traditional counselling but I have started to research some other options that might help but will start with some simple basics.

So, today I got up, had a good breakfast, took CC out for the usual Sunday Stroll and then came home and made a carrot and cashew nut curry and lamb curry which will be dinner, with lots to go in freezer and had a soup made from frozen broccoli, frozen onions frozen garlic and frozen peas with chips and half one of the huge sausage rolls from local butcher.

CC was tired which was not surprising as he has been out for 3 days now so a few days off.    The foundation of my plan to restore my mental health is doing to be gentle exercise (ride and walk WattyDog) be much more mindful of my food in terms of timings and quantities and quality and use the journal and meditation from hypnotherapist.    Today is the first day I've actually felt mentally well enough to come up with a plan and cook some food.  

Prepping first module of course this afternoon so I am ready for the start on Wednesday.  (I've had a few more sign ups so can move some more money into pension plan)   I've made folders for each module, with notes from when I taught the test version and so each week all I have to do is check the folder, revise the slides and plan and I will be good to go!.

Watty1

Yesterday was lovely but this morning! Phew was really hard to stick to the 'restore mental health plans' and things went somewhat adrift so anxiety through the roof and panic attack whilst working.

Will have an early night and try again tomorrow.  

On the plus side the tree next door wanted down and I am very happy about the amount of light in my garden now. I said I would go half but they only asked for £100 so cash handed over this evening happily.     I just hope that she doesn't fill the space with something huge - but - that is for another day - no point in worrying myself right now.

Have bailed out of a meeting tomorrow as in London and def not up to making the trip so I have sent apologies and said if they send me a zoom link I will join remotely.  Not ideal but I am in no state to go trailing up to London for something I am trying to close down anyway (long story but I am on the board of an organisation that I think has outlived its time and I don't get paid anyway!)

daisy_1571

sorry to hear things aren't going so well just now, hope u are able to put your finger on the cause of it all

Dxxx

Cherryfudge

There's a real pattern to mornings at the moment, isn't there? I think you're wise to avoid the London trip. Perhaps the time has come to hand in your notice? If you don't really believe in the organisation any more, why throw time and energy into it?

I hope tomorrow is a better day. Does it help to decide a positive focus in advance, like the thought of the extra light in the garden or the meals in the freezer? You have done an amazing job to get this far and you'll get through. I wonder if it's a reaction to all the stresses over the loss of the VNM's mother? You coped with so much there.

KajiKita

I agree with Cherryfudge, mornings do seem to be tough for you. I wonder if you just need a complete holiday for a few days and a change of scenery? Could someone look after your animals and you and Watty-Dog and VNM escape to the coast for a long weekend? You are still working very hard (for good reason) but I wonder if your battery needs time to catch up?

Sending hugs and hoping that this morning is a better one x

KK

Watty1

Thank you both @Cherryfudge and @KajiKita

I do think my battery is flat, and, I had never considered the impact of the VNM's mothers care needs and death.  Very insightful and quite correct.    I just crammed the extra hours needed to do all that needed doing into an already overpacked schedule.   I have anxiety if away for a day so I might need to build up to the idea of going away for a while for a rest.  

This morning I decided to really focus on the holistic doctor's plan, so far so good. I am up without panic and have had breakfast.  Now off to tidy up before the new cleaner arrives. The house was great when she had done, so I have told the agency that once a week would be ideal. Now to feed the horses.

Cherryfudge

I'm so pleased things were better this morning. It sounds as though your mind is demanding a chance to let out the pain and stress, and if you are physically very busy too, that has to have an effect.

I get anxious about going away as well. I'm not sure what the answer is there, as staying at home can be a reminder of things you 'just need to do'. One thing I've focussed on is to make home as much like some of the nicest airbnbs we've stayed in! After all, why not? There may come a time when we can't travel, so coming to rest in a lovely setting will be a gift from our past selves.

I think getting the cleaner has been a brilliant move. You've given yourself time and the quietness of mind that comes from the house looking good. Just don't feel you have to clear up too much ahead of her! As you get to know her you might be able to say 'Sorry, please work around my papers today' or 'I've not had time to do X, would you do that instead of Y today?'

Cherryfudge

I was just searching my diary for something and came across your comment about filling your Mum's blue jug with daffodils. Might that help?

Watty1

Cherryfudge said:

I was just searching my diary for something and came across your comment about filling your Mum's blue jug with daffodils. Might that help?

ohh yes!   I will get some when  I go out this evening. What a lovely idea, thank you for the inspiration and daffs are so inexpensive so nice!