Watty's Awakening

PennysIntoPounds

Aw I'm very proud of you 

Suffolk_lass

beanielou said:

Fantastic news on the horse box. Be proud. 😊 

Yes, don't under-estimate the importance of these seemingly little things to take up lots of head-space. Another toxic brick in that wall that stops you doing things has been chiselled out. Not long now before you can take a sledgehammer to the rest of it!

savingholmes

Well done on the horsebox. I'm equally pleased for you that you invested in a taxi to take a less stressed journey to the venue for your day out. Go you,

savingholmes

On the course - tasks expand to fit the time available... I'm sure you were great regardless.

Humdinger1

Utterly wonderful @Watty1! You deserve all the fab people in your life and growing confidence you are building.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

ajmoney

Watty1 said:

It is not my job to know and do everything.   This has also been a large learning curve for me. (as was realising for the umpteenth time that 2 chocolate biscuits make me feel sick LOL, one is fine two is a no no)

For a while I have been trying to get comfortable with other people knowing more than me and getting them to help with the end goal. I don't always find it easy but it means the result is better.

Realising that feeding a sweet craving with cake is mine. I am yet to learn what I need to do at this point but it is never about the sugar! 

Watty1

debtfreewannabe321 said:

Echoing sentiments above the virtual PA sounds fab...I need one of those. I am so not tech savvy and have plans swirling which all require me to understand how to do things online so they stay swirling as I seem to have some sort of block to learning them  
YAY on the horse box! Your confidence will grow and grow for every thing you do that you were told you couldn't do 🥳...I tried an NLP technique once for a similar voice in my head telling me I couldn't do something, it was to visualise that person/ that voice telling you you couldn't do it then imagine some silly music attached to the image (I imagined the Benny Hill theme tune ) and imagine that person who mocked you dressed in a stupid or silly way ( I visualised them like a clown) and watch them trying to say it to you whilst having that silly music and being dressed in that way - It was supposed to change your emotions connected to that phrase or words. It actually worked really well. I hope I explained it right....But eventually I would hear those words (you're a rubbish driver, you can't cook, you are a bad mum...whatever it was) and laugh them off as nonsense. Another way of doing this is to picture something you have a strong emotional connection to (i/e a person or a flashback of some trauma) and watch the picture turn to sepia, and then to black and white, watching it fade...and then watching as it moves further away from you and eventually disappearing ). Both these techniques were a life saver for me and my mental state at the time and the visualising process gets easier the more you practice  
Hope you have a good day

That was me too with the block to learning the virtual stuff which is why I have the virtual tech PA (who probably has enough hours in her day to fit in other people so if anyone wants a recommendation for someone fabulous then drop me a PM.   

That Benny Hill theme tune is one of my favourite pieces from the Yakety Sax album by Boots Randolph and Ritchie Cole album.  Love an alto sax.  When everyone hears it they always say "Benny Hill"   but I think it is one of the most cheerful pieces.   (Closely followed by Pie in the Face Polka from a really old movie which is my alarm piece of music as it is impossible not to smile when listening to either of those pieces)

Watty1

Thank you all for the lovely comments,  I do seem to have attracted wonderful people since leaving the ex   They are a gift, it surprises me sometimes.   I am going to send my Virtual PA some flowers today as a thank you because two weeks into the course she has been wonderful. Yes, I know i pay her but I really appreciate her so I am going to send some flowers as a nice surprise for next week.

Watty1

Totally exhausted this morning. Was due to go to an art exhibition in London with friends but have bailed out because I have a lot of work to do and I am exhausted with a headache.  We had planned a lovely day with lunch and cocktails and then the Van Gough immersive but I can barely drag myself around the house this morning.

Yesterday I defrosted a curry from previous slow cooker meals and served it with frozen rice then the VNM and I went to his mothers to get the living room ready for her to come home.  The hospital are withdrawing treatment for the infections she just keeps getting as her immune system can no longer fight them off and her oncologist has said they cannot up the treatment for the blood cancer she has had for the last 30 years.  They are now suggesting home with pain relief until the end.

Never have the conversations about Swedish Death Cleaning on here seemed more apt. I filled a recycling bin full of paper, old magazines, old catalogues, old medical letters some going back more than 6 years that were just in heaps around the living room and a bin full of miscellaneous plastic boxes and bits that had no purpose.  I kept a lot of "stuff" but just grouped it together.  The VNM was overwhelmed but, after 5 hours of this, there are just some large pieces of furniture to move and then there will be space for the bed, overlooking the garden and the TV is there too. All her stuff is still there, and hopefully all the memories too as the tape player used by her very autistic daughter is in the same place along with the strings and beads she twiddles with but there are now surfaces carers can put things on. 

I came home completely resolved to clear my house. My living and dining areas were already done, they look great and honestly anyone could sort them in under 15 mins if they had to empty the house.  The kitchen is still a work in progress as are the bedrooms but the bathrooms are also a quick job to empty if one had to.   And yet the rooms that could he emptied in under 15 mins still are full of my life and my personality.  

My lovely cleaner lives just 2 mins away from his mother so she is going to pop in when the big bits of furniture have been removed and clean.    VNM's mother should be home quickly as she is on some "fast track" release and the hospital are arranging the care, but, I have written a list of questions that should be asked as the VNM is not coping at all and admitted yesterday he was putting a brave face on it all, Yesterday he was unable to cope as all he could say was everything in the house was important to his mum.  I'm sure it is in some way but i gently said i had removed nothing that was, just old papers and old magazines to make space for the next stage of her life.

Off to find painkillers, water, a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate and WattyDog who was last heard telling off a pigeon for having the audacity to fly into "his" airspace but has not been heard or seen since. I expect he is eating windfalls now from the orchard     Then to work.

beanielou

No wonder that you are exhausted. That’s a lot to deal with & then add in supporting VNM. 

Remember to take care of yourself xx