big debt owed to me from friend

Angelica123

tiger135 said:

Thanks for the opinions.  A big thing Ive learned is "actions speak louder than words" 

I always think of that Maya Angelou quote: " When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Unfortunately, your friend has shown you that he is selfish and irresponsible with no regard for either family or friends. It's hard to cut ties with a longstanding friend but it is the only peace you will get

T.T.D

tiger135 said:

well its difficult when you have known someone from an early age  , for the friendship to turn to anger and frustration.
You Loaned a mate money! Friendships (mostly) always ends up boobies up when money is owed especially when a repayment schedule isn’t set up and money isn’t coming in fast enough!
 
hes made me look like a mug.
You’ve made you look like a mug, you’ve allowed the friendship to take priority over collecting a debt and standing up for yourself, he’s taken advantage of that. You know his flaws yet you loaned him money.

hes let me down.
Yes! But as you’ve known him since childhood you’ve known this is one of his character flaws, he’s a chancer, he’s a pretender, he’s needy and money greedy, he let his family down who wouldn’t loan him money and he turned to you to do the same. You looked like a mug to everyone the moment you gave him money knowing his flaws!

hes lied.
This shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you really! He’s failed every business venture and everything he touches turns brown and smelly. You then step yourself right in it by loaning him money and expect to come out this smelling of roses?! Were you expecting special treatment from him? For him to be more honourable? Because he’s your mate? He finds it easy to lie to his parents, siblings, , what’s makes you think he wouldn’t lie to you?  

I think you need to go have a chat to yourself in a mirror, ask yourself why your mates with this character, do you share similar views in life, have you treated everyone else around you the same way and are you now a little humbled? 

Many people wouldn’t care about the value of their relationship when someone has done them dirty, I certainly wouldn’t care that I’ve grown up or known this person my entire life, I would cut them off and end that friendship I value honesty and my own integrity.

You sir have waited 10yrs and have made very little real effort to collect, allowed yourself to have been rode roughshod over with excuses by this character. You haven’t made a single real legal step to recover your money in all these years!

Your money is gone. Move on without this character in your life, have a chat to yourself about your own honour and integrity.

Emmia

What's that saying, we can't change the behaviour of others, only how we react to it...

Your so called "mate" hasn't changed and (almost certainly) won't change in terms of their responsibility with money...

Therefore, OP you have a choice, either

Carry on being a mug, being their mate and lending them money... And moaning about it on here.

Or

Take control, cut them out, free yourself and walk away - the price of freedom is writing off that debt (and I think this is the bit you're struggling with).

Xenon

He is not your friend - he is using you as a cash machine

Write off the debt and never loan money ever again to anybody

Schwarzwald

how much is the debt expressed as a multiple of your monthly salary?

if it is <2 months net salary, i would write it off and move on.

if it is >2 months net salary or even significantly more, I would pursue it if possible legally.

in any case, you have to write off this friend ... so the friendship aspect is not affected anyway by what you do with the debt.

and as a general note, when it comes to lending money to friends.

Always be prepared to either let the MONEY GO or the FRIENDSHIP GO, which also kind of means the limit of the money lent should be the amount at which you go from keepin the friendship to letting it go.

i also have a friend overseas who ows me money for 7 years, he says he will pay it back. but by now the amount is <1 month income for me, so I am not letting the relationship go for such amount ...

tiger135

Its a huge multiple of monthly income!!! As I said you could buy a small residence with it.
For the last two weeks I have ignored this person. Yesterday he tried calling twice and messaged asking if I was free after work today, to which I ignored.
This can either go one of two ways  depending on how important he sees me l.
 He will either eventually give up or start to realise I'm seriously not happy this time and do something about it.
I suspect the former, but will soon find out. 
As others have said this guy is a parasite, its now time to starve him of my time and attention and hope karma plays a role in the future.

gt568

tiger135 said:

Its a huge multiple of monthly income!!! As I said you could buy a small residence with it.
For the last two weeks I have ignored this person. Yesterday he tried calling twice and messaged asking if I was free after work today, to which I ignored.
This can either go one of two ways  depending on how important he sees me l.
 He will either eventually give up or start to realise I'm seriously not happy this time and do something about it.
I suspect the former, but will soon find out. 
As others have said this guy is a parasite, its now time to starve him of my time and attention and hope karma plays a role in the future.

Mate side note, can I borrow some money?   I'll pay you back on payday!

Emmia

tiger135 said:

Its a huge multiple of monthly income!!! As I said you could buy a small residence with it.
For the last two weeks I have ignored this person. Yesterday he tried calling twice and messaged asking if I was free after work today, to which I ignored.
This can either go one of two ways  depending on how important he sees me l.
 He will either eventually give up or start to realise I'm seriously not happy this time and do something about it.
I suspect the former, but will soon find out. 
As others have said this guy is a parasite, its now time to starve him of my time and attention and hope karma plays a role in the future.

I'd probably just block his number.

pinkshoes

I'd write him a letter.

Dear <tw*t friend's name>
On XXX date, I loaned you the sum of £XX,XXX which you guaranteed me you would pay me back no matter what.
So far the following payments have been made:
Date X  Payment Y
Date X  Payment Z  (etc...)
A balance of £XX,XXXX is still owing, and I am disappointed that you have not kept your word to start paying back the debt on a regular basis.
I am therefore giving you 28 days to set up a direct debit to my account (give bank account number and sort code) of £1000 a month, which will pay back the debt in XX years.
If the direct debit is not set up and a payment is not received, then I will be taking legal action to obtain the money owed.
Best wishes,
@tiger135

If he has a 3 bedroom house then he can take in two lodgers to raise the £1000 a month. 
People like this are awful, and just treat others like mugs. To stop him doing such a thing again, then you could take him to court, and as he has no assets then force him to file for bankruptcy. At least it will stop him starting another business and potentially screwing someone else over.

Savvy_Sue

Just a nit-pick: friend needs to set up a Standing Order, NOT a DD. There's important differences between the two.

Don't threaten anything you won't go ahead with.