big debt owed to me from friend

tiger135

I'm on the wrong end of a debt which accumulated over several years, there was definitely an element of bullying involved and false promises. The debtor, a long term friend, is still insisting they will pay the debt, even if it ends up coming from inheritance of a parent dying!
Now due to a lack of solid progress being made in the last 2 years I am looking to give this 'friend' an ultimatem.
If I am correct, I believe that debts to companies / banks are eventually 'resolved' by agreement, often a very small regular payment which is unlikely to clear the debt. Am I right here? Also if I am right, then this small regular repayment is a sign of intent, and to the owed party  is better than writing the debt off. 
I have tried to make clear I would like the same. I want a gesture of intent, every week. Even if its £20-30 its useful to me and shows willing.
However, this debtor friend appears to want to do things his own way. 
A lot of the money went into businesses and equipment which eventually came to nothing. Looking back it was my money funding a lifestyle he wanted, appearing to be a company director and making his own diary every day ( not working for anyone else). 
I was promised it would all be paid back no matter what, even if he had to stack shelves all night.In reality this guy does not like working for other people. He also does not like having to budget like everyone else. 
Part of me is glad he is now having to live like everyone else and not a grand business owning illusion.
Its also become apparant he has some form of Adhd. He may mean well but does not think things through and often bullies people into doing things. 
So my question now, should I give him the ultimateum of paying me a small regular amount, which could easily be budgeted, perhaps easier by stopping smoking, but thats not my problem. 
Or should I write off this huge debt and be done with him?
Its rather sad as we had been friends since school and I know his parents quite well also. They struggle to control him and he often treats them badly too.
Like I said I feel I am being extremelty reasonable to ask for £25-50 a week, anything is better than nothing!
The worrying thing is he still has some delusions that the way out of this mess is starting up yet another business!
Thanks for any thoughts on this. 

Brie

I'd give him an ultimatum demanding a low amount, possibly with threats of court action just to see if you can get anything from him.  And then walk away.  Unless you know he has some valuable assets hidden somewhere I'm afraid you won't be getting much, if anything, back at all.

MorningcoffeeIV

If he wanted to pay you anything back, then he would already have done so.

If you get anything back, then great, but you won't, so just mentally write it off and move on.

The next time a friend asks for money, tell them to get a loan. And if they can't, there's a reason.

Devongardener

Unless you had a written and signed loan agreement with this person you are unlikely to be able to legally recover anything.

Little_bit_taller

How much is owed?

tiger135

A significant amount, probably enough to buy a mobile home.
I have had dribs and drabs back, but regularity has been a problem with this person. 
Often its one step forward two steps back.
I have helped him with so many things over the years. 
He has a habit of luring people in to help him, but then using them to blame wheb things go wrong.
I feel like getting money back is effort and stress, when it shouldnt be that way.
I think hes trying to keep me onside saying things like his inheritance will pay me off.
That was never part of the verbal agreement at the beginning.

Little_bit_taller

I think you know in your heart of hearts that he will not pay you back. You need to stop helping him and be really firm about this. Can you walk away?

lincroft1710

The expectation of an inheritance reminds me of the Billy Bunter stories of many decades ago where Bunter is always saying he is expecting a postal order. Which of course never arrives. As your friend's supposed inheritance probably never will. 

You cannot "give an ultimatum" without having something to back it up with, so you would basically have to get a court judgement in your favour

Emmia

He's (almost certainly) not your friend. You are (almost certainly) his cash machine. 

I'd write the debt off, and the friendship with it.

silvercar

Does your friend own property? If so ask for a charging order over the property. That way you know that eventually you will get your money.

ArbitraryRandom

Devongardener said:

Unless you had a written and signed loan agreement with this person you are unlikely to be able to legally recover anything.

For small claims, all you actually need is confirmation in writing of the debt - I've seen people win claims based on an email where someone just said that they intended to pay back the money but were short on cash. 

The bigger issue might be the number of years, given statute barring, and of course enforcement if there's no assets/ reliable income. 

Harsh as it might sound, in the situation described in the OP, public shaming has a chance of being more effective - which is to say making a scene with mutual friends/the elderly parent in attendance has been known to work wonders.