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Bold leap into retirement
Comments
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The one thing that stands out from this post is that you are far from a failure - just look at everything you have done, been through and succeeded. You can and will bring that into the next phase of your life - you will find opportunities to thrive, single or otherwise.
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Firstly, from the outside I can see no reason to feel a sense of failure. It sounds as though you've had the rug pulled from under you in many senses, including your plans and assumptions for retirement. You've made some good but tough decisions, and you've got back on your feet. That sounds like a remarkable success to me. I don't mean to dismiss your feelings though, it sounds as though it was also a pretty bruising experience and that can leave scars.
Your fear of the unknown is totally understandable. I'm married, my retirement plan is following the path I hoped it would, and I've never felt that my identity was tied to my job. Yet I hold at least as much fear as I do excitement about the idea of such a massive change. I think that is largely around loss of purpose too.
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I actually got a long service award last summer but that wasn't connected to retirement at all.
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We get decent long service awards. Also far better to retire than resign. Firstly, you lose 12 months of matching shares if you leave and a hefty tax bill, whilst retiring releases the whole lot tax free with no loss of shares. You also qualify for pro-rata bonus for (the year of) retiring, as opposed to nothing, plus a £800 leaving gift. Plus 20% of your time off for the last three months. If you are over 55 (even if you were going to work in a few months time) it is retirement every time.
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Thank you for posting
Although I do have a partner, I socialise a lot with friends without him. I enjoy walking locally, so arrange to walk with friends, have a cuppa or lunch out, and also have booked in things like spa days (which isn’t really his thing anyway). These are ex work colleagues, neighbours and some ‘mum friends’.We only moved to this village less than 18 months ago, and I made a big effort to get to know my new neighbours. I go to Zumba every week, and they also hold a monthly film night, with lots of people going on their own. I’ve also invited new neighbours round for a cuppa and shown them what we’ve been doing with the house (it needed more work than we envisioned).
My partner and I joined a local volunteering group that meets at least once a month to work in the local environment. I went to the first one by myself, and even when I go with my partner we are just as likely to work with other people as we are with each other. This group has more single people than couples, and I thinks it often easier chatting to someone for the first time when you have a physical job to do, as it gives you something immediately to talk about. From this original group, we have also found further volunteer groups and opportunities which we’ve joined.You sound very resourceful and much braver than you are giving yourself credit for
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It sounds like your ex is the failure in this situation, not you. I'm also a divorced retiree, working one day a week but will be giving that up at the end of March. I have found that I am happier if I space out social events and am very content to potter around being spontaneous when I'm not meeting up with friends but I do like my own company, reading, knitting, walking, shopping, cinema, visiting museums, going to plays etc on days when I'm alone. I understand concerns about a sense of purpose but I think whatever makes you happy should be your purpose in retirement.
It sounds to me like you have been through a horrible time and are doing the right thing in seeking therapy. Hopefully in time that will encourage your self esteem and feeling that you deserve a wonderful retirement, full of happy times, however that may look to you. When I see my married friends and their retirement together I am glad I am on my own and can do exactly what I want, when I want. If I want to play loud music, stay up till 3am and live off toast I can. I relish my independence and a partner would really cramp my style. Married friends seem to need permission to spend money and go out and need to be home in time to cook the tea (we are talking men from our generation) while if I want to spend £100s of pounds on a nice dress to go clubbing in I will. Look after yourself dear and be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
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I am not holding out much hope - after 25 years of service all I got was 1 extra day's leave as a one off - an incredibly stingy reward.
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Just dropping by post work to say thank you so much for all your lovely suggestions and kindness. I have skim read but will have a proper look when I have more headspace tomorrow. I appreciate people taking the time to respond.
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Not in my part of the CS - you give your notice and work up until your last day (after deduction of outstanding leave). No difference between retirement, redundancy or resignation.
If you've been in CS long enough to remember, and have had, the 1/2 day privilege day on Maundy Thursday afternoon, and the extra privilege day at Christmas (to make it up to a 5-day break including the weekend), then the 1.5 days should have been added to your annual leave total (e.g. 30 days went up to 31.5 days).
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You’re right and the 1.5 days have been added. But it’s not the same. There used to be something nice about the whole Dept being off when the rest of the world wasn’t. Ah well. Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
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