I am physically dreading Christmas and the whole holidays

bizzybee

mrsides wrote: »

Who has walked away at my wifes request for believe it or not, for her and the children. I have acted as I always have and will continue to do so for my family. But I seem the one to be making all the sacrafices rather than my wife.

Sorry, I know you have acted for what you feel are the correct reasons but the only person gaining from the situation is your wife.

findingmyownway

bizzybee wrote: »

I agree, he could be not seeing them at all but unforunately that doesn't make it feel any better. Mine have been away since Saturday and don't return until Thursday and at a time of the year that is for families, when you are not working and have a lot of time to think it can be very difficult.

Thats hard, you have my sympathy. I do understand where you are coming from - i have 3 step daughters who are with their mum this xmas eve not us. It breaks OHs heart, but we've had them for the past few years and its only fair exwife gets a turn.

But the bright side is she is bringing them over in the morning for a few hours (i've tried to ban them from arriving before 7am haha but i suspect it will be earlier :rolleyes: ). And then we get them back on boxing day until Saturday. That will be 'our' christmas time - doesn't matter to them if its not on the 25th, we just make the best of the time we have.

findingmyownway

Quackers wrote: »

Not daft at all.

I feel exactly the same way as you.

And your wife sounds just like my husband

He spent a month begging me not to leave him and when I did he has since told me he's so glad he's gone and he hasn't loved me for 5 years but he didn't want to be the one to make the decision

Anyway, if you feel like me then your head is all over the place. Dividing emotions and all that! I really never realised it was possible to have such opossite emotions for someone all at the same time - I love him, I miss him like crazy & need a hug & I want to stab him in the eyes with a pencil all at the same time

I really feel for you. I'm lucky - my girls have stayed with me. They are also a bit older than yours - 13 & 15 and have been a towering strength to me - they have kept me strong.

I am also being as fair as I can over money - your wife needs to understand that you have the right to a life too. If she earns more than you then you really do not have to pay for absolutely everything. If there is no chance at all of her being reasonable then you really must ask for some advice. Most solicitors offer a free 30min consultation and give some really good advice. I did this with 2 different solicitors to get some ideas on my rights and what I would be entitled too.

What about just paying for the mortgage & leaving the bills to her? If she is on a good wage this shouldn't be a problem? Get your name taken off the household bills. Phone them up and tell them you dont live there anymore. This sounds harsh but if you know your wife can afford it then I would do it. You have to start thinking of yourself.

Your children? I really feel for you. My girls now spend 1 night a week with their dad and a full weekend once a month. From my point of view this is far and works for us but I miss them like crazy when they are not here - I cannot begin to imagine how it must be for you when you have always seen them every day.

And of course there is the time of year! Christmas. Its such a family orientated time and there is so much pressure on everyone.

For the past 10-12 years we have had between 10 & 15 people around our table for xmas lunch. This year there is just the 3 of us.

Be grateful for the time you have got with them over christmas and dont dwell on the time you haven't got. Make the most of the good times

I hope you have the best Christmas possible under the circumstances and get things sorted in the New Year.

Best Wishes xx

As always, Quackers is talking lots of sense!

Definatly agree you need to stop paying her bills. Pay her maintainance as a separate issue and then concentrate on building your life back together. You are entitled to a life too - its important your children see you on your feet and getting on with things, it will help them to deal with things much better too.

The free consulation with sols is a good idea too.

Good luck!

bizzybee

findingmyownway wrote: »

Thats hard, you have my sympathy.

It's his turn this year..... thank goodness, Royal Mail have let me down so there presents haven't arrived! Let's hope they get here on Thursday!:rotfl:

findingmyownway

bizzybee wrote: »

It's his turn this year..... thank goodness, Royal Mail have let me down so there presents haven't arrived! Let's hope they get here on Thursday!:rotfl:

:eek: :eek: i hope so too!!

Although if you do have to do a boxing day shop at least stuff would be reduced

ailuro2

MrSides you soiund like a good and decent man, and whatever happens I'm sure you'll children will always know you love them and did your best by them.

If your marriage is over, then grieve for it and move on, protect what you have and try not to let the wife take everything from you. Could YOU live in the rental property- would it be suitable to have the kids stay over once the divorce and custordy is all settled?

I wish you all the very best, and it would be wonderful if your wife realised what she was giving up before it's gone for good.

nicola1982_2

When my OH split with his ex his CSA payments weren't taken until he no longer paid the mortgage as they considered it his contribution.

She would have to prove you are a risk to the children to prevent you from seeing them - I'd speak to a solicitor (ask about legal aid if you are on a low income).

k1mmie

Hi, I too would say what others have said. Is it a possibility for you to move into the rented house. Then not only will you have your own place - it will be up to your wife to pay or seek additional help from the government to help subsidise the mortgage on the family home. SUrely if you are paying your own rent and money for the children you cannot be expected to pay all the bills and mortgage there as well. This will then give you extra cash to spend when you have your children. Also the courts nowadays will try to give the children access to both parents so I wouldn't worry about not getting time with them, although I appreciate what you are saying about seeing them everyday. Good luck. Thinking of you.

flutterbyuk25

:A

I'm so sorry that you feel so lost and I'm afraid I am not able to give you any real advice, other than to keep your chin up and try to enjoy the time that you get with the children as much as possible.

Lots of people here have given you advice and no doubt will continue to do so if you need it.

Many people have "alternative" Christmas's to what they expect and still enjoy.

As for Christmas Day, chill out and eat chocolate in your jammies in the morning, have a nice grown up lunch then at 3 you can be the best dad possible to your kids.

Have a good one and after the festivities are over, try and sort out the divorce etc in an amicable manner.

xx

Morglin

See a solicitor in the New Year - once your wife realises she cannot have it all her own way, financially or emotionally, it may concentrate her mind to decide what she wants and to sit down with you and work out what is best for your children.

Good luck.

Lin