Prosperous & Creative Soul & MFW Year 3

WelshmansDaughter

It’s all information that goes toward helping you decide what needs doing in the house and in what order. 

savingholmes

Thanks KK, Jwil, @~Flowerpot~ WD, Beanie, Lucielle, LWAP

Really appreciate you all taking the time to post. The tiles in the living room are less of an issue as they are intact. But in the hall they partially scraped - and I took a scraping from the scrape and that is asbestos too. I.e. the fibres have been disturbed. I've mostly had that covered while living here with underlay, cardboard or rugs but they have been moved from time to time so its likely I disturbed the fibres which is worrying but can't be helped now. I've put a rubber mat over the underlay now. Everything in the lounge is covered with cardboard and then rugs where there is laminate missing - but the tiles are pretty much intact.

I don't know whether if I wear a mask and use fans and protective gloves and a suit whether I'd be safe removing the laminate floor over the top of all that or not ready for screeding. I don't want to risk untrained workmen either. I'm assuming I need to 'screed' the floor and 'encapsulate' it now I know which just bumped up the cost - so I don't have to worry about it in future - starting with the lounge and hall. I definitely won't remove the back laminate floor for now - and will either live with that as it or put vinyl over the top at some point - or until I have castors on most of my furniture to make moving it easier.

I need to resolve the hall as a priority but obviously that is a pain as that is where the stairs are and they are in the middle of the house. I could go in the back door to get to the kitchen - but depending on how long it takes to dry - getting upstairs to sleep would be more of a challenge.

I'm now worrying whether the work on my roof released asbestos fibres into my loft / whether there is asbestos up there - as the handyman said the roofer left lots of debris in there. For now I'll avoid going up there - but at some point I'll aim to get that checked out. I can't face that right now though so will just keep people out for now.

savingholmes

In better news

I feel slightly more rested. I was given valium (tranquiliser) to help me get to sleep and I definitely feel calmer. (Sleeping tablets don't work on me). I hadn't realised how on edge I was feeling until it has gone away. The bad news from the other weekend in particular had been nagging at me among all the previous bad news. I've only taken a very small dose to get to sleep. I've been given a new prescription but had some from 3 years ago that goes out of date this month - so started with that. It's a lower dose than what this doctor prescribed. I can break the newly prescribed tablets in half if needed though but even that is slightly higher than what I'm currently taking.

DD and her BF have come twice now to help with the house - so between them - about 12 hours of help and it has made a huge difference to the state of the house and garden. I'm given them some £ to reward their efforts and effectively helping them out too. It keeps the £ in the family - and it is easier than getting in 'outsiders' which is difficult for me. I decided not to go with the most recent handyman as there was something about him that I didn't like and I decided to trust my instincts. He also kept letting me down. DD and her BF are going to come back and it looks like her BF would like to become my regular cleaner. Will see how that goes - but if it happens that would be amazing.

They put fresh bedding on my bed the other day. I've done quite a few loads of washing. DD helped put my clothes away. We've also continued our decluttering and organising mission. We have put a rug (mainly soft grey with highlights of lemon, and bluey-green) that I bought months ago into the back area immediately in front of my sofa. That ties my grey sofa, curtains and teal chair in with the rest of the room and helps finish the space. She's also emptied most of the cubes in my utility area - so now we need to decide what to put back in there. My spare fridge freezer finally has its shelves and drawers back in it - so that has freed up shelf space too. I'll probably put many of my finished paintings in there on the shelves - particularly the high ones - while I decide whether to keep / sell / reuse them in the longer term.  

Her BF has tidied my shed and put a wheelchair ramp the previous occupant had made away for me. He's put the old lawnmower and strimmer in my boot ready to take to the tip yesterday and finished assembling my lawnmower. He mowed my lawn and trimmed it back. Apparently he loves gardening - and he's happy to plant stuff that I might otherwise struggle with. He has rearranged my garage so that the shelving is now along the walls rather than in the middle of the garage. So I know have extra space for that. I couldn't get the garage shut the other day but he managed it. He thinks he knows what's wrong with the garage door so it's possible he might be able to fix that too. My garage is mostly storage space rather than contents as because it doesn't lock and I struggle to open / close the door - I'm wary of what I put in there. After the drive and the floor - that is next on my list - after also getting some electrical work done - including putting electricity through into both the garage and utility area. I still need to find someone to do that for me. Apparently I need to change my fuse box to a better fire rated one at the same time - and want to get the electrics tested as I feel the previous inspection was fraudulent. In the new year I need to get my boiler serviced - but next door has someone in the family that does that - so can probably get the latter via him.

savingholmes

Her BF has assembled my kitchen cupboard ready to attach to the wall - but he hasn't brought the right bolts with him yet. It will be great when that's done - and in the garage we found a large strip of like a glossy finish overlay that we can attach to the side of the cupboards to make it match the rest. 

There's still lots left to do - but her BF in particular currently has a part time job - so has free time to help. DD said she might come occasionally when he is working or together to help get the space ready both for my new floor and wider family visits in a month. I've moved some £ from savings to help pay them - but it will be worth it to get my home more functional again. Once everything has a permanent home it should be easier to keep clear. 

Her BF even disassembled a PC for me and took out the hard drive, graphics card and other elements he wanted so that I can take it to the specialist recycling point at the tip. He's going to see if there is anything on the hard drive and potentially then wipe it after rescuing any pictures. He's happy to  do the same with some other laptops lying round the house. It may even be possible to get a replacement screen for my broken laptop - which didn't occur to me at the time. If it does work - I may pass it on to my sister's kids. It can be used with a separate screen so I've kept it for now.

I need to update my £ again and see how I stand - it's not looking pretty. I'm hoping that over time though the negative hit from the works - will be offset by my rising AVCs and with the £ being on 0% CC I will still get the benefit of passive income from my savings. 

I fed them yesterday - somehow it is easier to cook for others than just one - and have lots of leftovers. I froze some of the food I over-bought so hopefully that will balance things out. Next month I need to remember to use my gift voucher I bought at Mr A. DD's phone is on the blink so I've offered to give her part of her Xmas gift early. She's earned back the £ I loaned her earlier this month.

Hope all is good where you are.

beanielou

So so glad that you have something to help you to sleep. It makes such a difference. 

So glad that DD & BF are helping you out & so glad to hear that it’s making such a difference for you xx

savingholmes

Thanks Beanie

I am really grateful for the help - and glad it's giving them some financial help & self-confidence and self worth too. I've suggested the BF perhaps set up his own business doing this as he could tailor it around his health conditions. 

I'm still not dressed. I was utterly exhausted when they left yesterday - as we did a lot - and it was the longest concentrated social / time with others I'd had in a while. I find letting things go hard - and even organising is a series of decisions so my brain was like cotton wool afterwards. 

I've also listened to stories and been making some art. I've been working on a picture of my niece from her birthday party in pastels which are new to me. 

I've updated my £ and I need to seriously rein in my fritter spending (art supplies, food, clothes, plants). This coming pay period £ will be tight due to getting DD and her BF to help and my recent increased AVCs and the run up to Xmas. I'm also adding compost, bark and some hand rails to the patio / drive bill - and they may want that in cash. I may need to take more £ out of savings to help with that. In December I get an increment and backpay - so I'm hoping I'll end up with £500-600 net more than normal - and then an on-going take home increase of £100-150 a month - that I can then channel to paying off the floor and drive. Then from next April if my job seems stable - I can still buy holidays but spread them over 12 months rather than 6 and therefore get at least £100 a month net back - possibly more that I'll redirect to the CCs until they are cleared.

I bought some kids books from a charity shop that I can use for some xmas gifts. I need to make myself a list and work out what I need to buy and for who and how much to spend. I've got wrap ups for DD so need to stop buying anything more for her but will have her BF's Xmas and special birthday to pay for. I need to add in DS's partner... I'm also hosting a gathering here which will add up - but thankfully it's around December payday. 

I've just closed my T CC as I now have too much credit available to me. It will also make me eligible for future offers in a year or two's time which would be good. I only opened it to get the cashback reward. 

savingholmes

WelshmansDaughter said:

I think it had always been something I have been trying to get at, the idea of meaningful money. Where it supports you to have the life you want and is a part of the fabric of your life rather than the entirety of it.

You summed that up beautifully. Love it. - Just nicked this from another diary - but it is a good reminder. I need to get more disciplined with money again. 

I need to move to carrying only debit cards with me - and set more defined limits for things again instead of treating my whole budget as a suggestion which I've fallen into lulled by having 'savings / EF' of a decent size for the first time in my life.

My spends on the sofa and chair, drive, paths, patio area and future floor are 'fine' - it's the fritter spends that aren't. I need to write myself a list of what to buy for xmas presents so that I spend a focused amount. I also need to plan the menu and write it down for when I entertain mid December so that the costs for that don't just spiral. Once the floor issue is resolved I may start getting out some of my Xmas decs too so I remind myself of what I already have so that I don't buy any more (I recently bought 3 things from Al's but they all add up). I think my 'personal' spends on art etc - would also benefit from a prioritised list. 

WelshmansDaughter

Depending on BF’s age he may be eligible for support to set up a small business. 

It sounds like the house is throwing up some challenges. 

Just a thought that occurred to me yesterday, I don’t remember anything you do to help with the ASD side of things. Could you maybe ramp that up to help with this stressful season?

savingholmes

WelshmansDaughter said:

Depending on BF’s age he may be eligible for support to set up a small business. 

It sounds like the house is throwing up some challenges. 

Just a thought that occurred to me yesterday, I don’t remember anything you do to help with the ASD side of things. Could you maybe ramp that up to help with this stressful season?

Good suggestion re DD's BF. 

Yes the house is challenging - but I suppose I've known it was a risk for a while hence buying the kit - I'm just frustrated with myself yet again for paying the deposit before checking for asbestos.

Thanks WD - I'm trying to learn more about ASD and ADHD - so a) I am more accepting of myself and my struggles and b) can learn from other's strategies. I've listened to quite a few audio books and podcasts on it - but I definitely need to do more.

My top strategy was have a counsellor - for social contact and someone to vent to. My second was to have a cleaner - as if my home is clean and organised I'm far less overwhelmed and overall - even accounting for the cleaner cost - spend less. Having a cleaner also meant that my home stayed under better control. But I've not had that support since my last cleaner left in July - the same week I found out a relative had cancer and my job uncertainty started and everything felt like it imploded. There have been further shocks since. That is why I'm currently trying to focus on getting my home back under control - and then I think I'll feel more in control and more able to cope. Having help (body doubling in adhd terms) definitely helps me tackle things I struggle to do by myself - but the constant social element while they are here - and any related decision making is exhausting.

I think my noise sensitivity and sensory issues are why it suits me so well to live alone - and why I can't currently imagine ever sharing my home with someone on a permanent basis again. I journal most days - often multiple times a day - to help me process things - and to work through to do lists so I get less overwhelmed. It is sometimes more successful than others. I use headphones to block noise when needed when I'm out and wear sunglasses far more than I used to. 

Finding out I had ASD as I turned 50 and then later ADHD for which I now have meds - has meant I've given myself permission to adopt a 'low stimulus life'  - i.e. mostly working from / being at home - and only going into the office occasionally. Spending time out in nature / the garden when I feel able to. Sometimes I struggle to make myself go out at all. Have you got any other specific suggestions?

savingholmes

I just posted part of this on someone else's thread but thought I'd add it here too and expand on it... 

I love DKWhite's books and play them on repeat to help motivate me when needed. She has 5 top principles which are easy enough to follow - one of the ones that I keep circling back to is:

A container is meant to contain i.e. limit the amount of stuff. A house is a container. A room is a container. A shelf is a container etc. A home must also have room for its occupants and space to do things in it that fit the purpose of each room.

She talks about us having a 'clutter threshold' the limits of the amount of stuff we can have and personally keep tidy. Mine is obviously way lower than my current belongings...

She has a 'no mess decluttering method' which I like. And phrases like 5 minutes / 1 hour better - that idea of embracing progress not perfection which allows me to get started. 

She talks about 'layers of a clean house' which I haven't heard others explain like that before. I struggle with layer 1 - daily stuff as well as layer 2 - clutter and therefore struggle to get to layer 3 - cleaning.

I also like the Clutterbug one which taught me that my organising style is mostly visual - if it's not out / visible in some way I don't know I have it (and therefore re-buy it multiplying my clutter) - which is why I'm gradually moving most of my belongings to see through boxes / drawers...