I feel like my son is spiralling out of control

Vectis

I would say you definitely have done the right thing.

As a parent myself, I can sympathise with the dilemma - he's your son and you really want to do everything you can for him. BUT...he's also an adult now, and he has to start acting like one.

There comes a time when you simply can't do anything more for them, and it's time to cut the strings. And that's hard. We haven't got to that stage yet, but as kids go through their later teens it gets more and more difficult.

It's up to him now to sort his life out.

How on earth though does someone get into that much debt at that age? I can understand the 'living beyond his means' thing, but that kind of debt at that age takes some doing.

Nearlydebtfree

Thanks @Vectis

He is still at his Dad's, although he has popped home a few times seemingly to loiter around near me and we are just having general texting, but I am not discussing anything debt related with him. I left him a suitcase to pack his things and it appears to me he has taken barely anything so not sure how long he thinks this is for but I am adamant he won't be returning home until his DMP is set up and he has apologised. As sad as I am, I am also feeling calm for the first time in about 12 months. 

I know he hasn't sorted anything out as his Dad now feels the stress that I have had for the last 12 months, but I did warn him that by letting him stay and acting as if nothing had changed, that this would happen. I cannot be responsible for that now.

I did totally blitz his room this weekend and emptied all his drawers and boxes and anything I could find, mainly to see if I could find any evidence of drugs, gambling or anything else to explain the debt and the attitide - all I found were lots of receipts for expensive things and what resembles an Apple and Ralph Lauren shop. It is very clear to me where the money has gone, which I suppose is a relief that it isn't drugs but he clearly has a problem with expensive goods! 

I am feeling much easier right now at leaving him to it and I have told him that if the DMP isn't sorted out then I am taking his name off the electoral register and informing all his creditor's that he is now at his Dad's address. 

RAS

Hi, you might want to read a few of the threads on the debt free forum? 

Particularly the recent hand bag thread. At least he has some expensive items he can resell to clear some of the debt. 

I wouldn't suggest he moves back in if the DMP is "sorted". He can cancel the standing order any day he likes. 

He might be better having to move in a shared house, which he might be able to afford? He can sell the goodies to pay the deposit.