I'm not a bank!

UglyBetty

Sarah I think that in your heart you know that the situation is unjust but don't feel quite strong enough to tackle it. However, in time you can deal with this. I suggest that you

• Do not get a joint bank account. He will have ready access to all of it and would be able to dip in whenever he wanted. You cannot close a joint bank account without both parties agreeing.
• Use the MSE tools to calculate all joint household expenses, including those relating to your daughter. Share it with your OH and discuss ways of moneysaving. Make it clear that it is for joint expenses such as running a car, food, child clothing. Agree what expenses you are individually responsible for eg your night out with the girls, his gifts of money to his nephew. Of course he would expect to be responsible for half of the household costs just as you will make it clear that it is also your expectation.
• Get support from friends and family members. You need support for yourself from people who will not wear you down, who will be fair and honest, who have your best interests at heart.

You will have given your OH the opportunity to be aware of the issues that need resolving and the chance to improve the family situation. If this doesn't work then you may have some more difficult choices to make, but you will always have choices,
Look after yourself

newmum1

The thing is as my nan used to say 'money makes friends and money breaks friends' now I know its your husband that your talking about but the above statement is very true I have a similar problem with my OH so money is the main issue we argue about it is hard to say no but once u say it once it will become easier or if you have to then jsut make an excuse like your a bit short due to ....... I reckon once u do it he will back and stop asking.
Or you could tip the tables and start asking him for money he will soon get the drift.

journ

You should write everything down you have to pay out and show him put point out how ill this is making your feel and you have a lot to deal with and you just cannot do this anymore, Because it sounds like he believes you have to do this and that is not the case.
My heart goes out to you and really hope he understands how you are feeling

Mice_Elf

From what you've said, it sounds to me like he doesn't realise what you (collectively) need to spend out each month.
He has his wages, which he spends on goodness' knows what, but because he has never needed to buy anything for your daughter, he doesn't realise that she needs frivolous things like food, nappies, wipes & clothes.
He sees you working & therefore you having money coming in which he doesn't see you needing to spend. Everything happens around him without involving him.
This is not a marriage.
You really, really need to sit down and show him exactly what's coming in and what's going out. Then say that you cannot afford to keep subbing him - he earns more than you do and should therefore be able to budget his own money.
You can excuse and make apologies for him & the situation for now until eternity, but the fact remains that you need to communicate with each other.
Any relationship will only continue if there's openness, honesty, trust & respect.
It doesn't sound like he respects you much, he's not willing to share his money, he isn't open with you about what he's doing....so unless you want to "wake up" in X amount of years and think "What the heck am I doing here?", you need to sort everything out now.
The longer it goes on, the more the "norm" it will be. And all the time your daughter is seeing this as "usual" behaviour from any future partners.
Stand tall, stand strong and make your OH see the truth of the matter.

Best of luck.