Money Moral Dilemma: Can I keep some of the cash from selling my daughter's christening present?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My daughter was given an antique toy as a christening present 18 years ago, which she stopped playing with long ago and says she no longer wants. I mentioned this to an acquaintance with an interest in antiques, and they put me in touch with a buyer who, after some haggling on my part, is willing to pay a significant sum for it. Do I give all the money to my daughter, as it was her present, or would it be reasonable to keep some for myself as she no longer wanted it and I found the buyer?

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Brie

It's your daughter's to sell, give away, chuck in the bin, donate to charity.  Have you told her what it's worth?  Maybe she'll be happy to give you a share or maybe she'll take it directly to the buyer.  Her toy, her rules.

lincroft1710

Agree with @Brie

tacpot12

I would ask her if she will split the money with her as you found the buyer that was prepared to pay a good price. She has been a bit unclear by saying that she no longer wants it, rather than clearly gifting it to you. Even if she had gifted it, she might be upset if you had immediately sold it. 

[Deleted User]

If there was an expense to you eg phone calls or petrol money if you take it to the buyer then it 'might' be reasonable to say to your daughter that you would like that amount back Otherwise it was a gift to her,   and she should have the money if she no longer wanted it and agreed to the sale. 
 

Peapod63

To me it’s more of a moral issue. I personally wouldn’t be able to keep money made from selling something that belonged to my daughter whether she wanted the item or not. I’d actually be delighted to go back to her and say look what I’ve done selling that old toy - and here’s your money. I wouldn’t dream of keeping it. 

brionyrose

She's your daughter: how aren't you delighted to have discovered that she can get substantial money from an item she owned but didn't know had any value? And you must feel great to have helped her to achieve that. Unless you've raised her to be selfish, this isn't the moment to start modelling that behaviour yourself.

Groom

I really don't see how you can even consider taking some of the money. The antique toy was given to her as a gift, so the money is her's. It may well be that she offers you part for selling it, but that's her choice. Is it really worth risking ruining a relationship with your daughter for a bit of money? 

Newly_retired

When you tell her about the offer, won’t she assume the money is hers? I would, in her place. Then I would offer to share it with my mum, who went to the trouble of realising its worth.
in your shoes I could not, in all conscience, keep the money for myself, unless she had clearly told me that I could do what I wanted with the toy. Even then, I still couldn’t. 

bikaga

What's significant depends a lot on circumstances, so I'm not sure if you're talking about 200 or 5000 here.

If I were the daughter, I'd do something nice for you with part of the money as a thank you. Taking a commission from a sale that's not been requested sounds very weird to me - she might have assumed you were going to gift it to someone with a small child or put it in a box in the attic. (Never mind the weirdness of wanting to profit from your daughter's stuff that you didn't even buy.)

Like 95% of the family-and-friends questions in the moral dilemmas - just talk to your daughter. She might even choose to keep it as an investment once she learns what it's worth as the value is unlikely to decrease, but she doesn't even know that's an option.

ripongrammargirl

Simple answer- communicate!! So much can be solved by just talking. Although it sounds to me like she has just offloaded her childhood stuff on to you without any real thought- bet she would think again if you told her you were charging storage space or what someone was willing to offer for the toy! I wish my parents had asked my permission before getting rid of so many of my memories from childhood, whilst I was still actually a child. Every day I woke up and something else had gone or “you must have lost it” response (I never lose anything as I have OCD about tidiness/everything has a place and everything in its place). I still think about all the great books and toys that were sold or given away 40 years ago, without my knowledge, some of which would be worth a fortune today. My stuff to dispose of but things were very different then, or at least in our family, and I’m still upset by it even today.