Finances in Married Relationship - Should Spouses Support Each Other?

Pollycat

Does B (I'd stop referring
to them as 'partner') drink to excess when out with friends?
Does B take a lot of notice of advice from friends?

B is selfish and self- centred.
I'd not trust them to change if A ever needs support.
Are there many assets in the marriage?
Is take my share and run for the hills.

Sea_Shell

Being nosey...What's your interest here?

Are you A or B, or related to, or friends with either?

Sounds like it's going to get [more] messy ☹️

mark_cycling00

I really appreciated the OPs reply to my message, it was thoughtful, thorough and I suspect you are correct in your assessment.

Your situation is more common than you think. It's a bad place and you need to quickly decide what to do. 

People with little empathy have no idea what it's like to have empathy and often believe that they're always doing things for other people. They don't think they are "bad" because they've never experienced what it's like to have empathy.

But they can adapt. You need to decide whether you can guide them through this difficult process which will involve lots of conflict and argument 

I'd read "no more Mr nice guy" - it is marketed as a dating book but it's about psychology really.
See if you're situation is described here and see whether you can change things or whether it's best to exit the relationship 

Exodi

To play devils advocate, I'd point out that person A was happy with a 50/50 split while they were earning more than person B, but is no longer happy once they are earning less.

If they originally had a 54.5%/45.5% split in respect of their earnings, I think it would be easier to lambaste person B for their way of thinking.

Pollycat

Exodi said:

To play devils advocate, I'd point out that person A was happy with a 50/50 split while they were earning more than person B, but is no longer happy once they are earning less.

If they originally had a 54.5%/45.5% split in respect of their earnings, I think it would be easier to lambaste person B for their way of thinking.

We only know that it's the rent that is split 50/50.
Not other costs and not about chores.

We know that it's B who decides the area they live in because of work.
We know that B spend a lot of time out clubbing and drinking with friends.
I think it's pretty easy to 'lambast'' B for their way of thinking. And behaving.

Exodi

Pollycat said:

Exodi said:

To play devils advocate, I'd point out that person A was happy with a 50/50 split while they were earning more than person B, but is no longer happy once they are earning less.

If they originally had a 54.5%/45.5% split in respect of their earnings, I think it would be easier to lambaste person B for their way of thinking.

We only know that it's the rent that is split 50/50.
Not other costs and not about chores.

We know that it's B who decides the area they live in because of work.
We know that B spend a lot of time out clubbing and drinking with friends.
I think it's pretty easy to 'lambast'' B for their way of thinking. And behaving.

I think your upset with person B has blinded you. The only information we've been given suggests that pre-job change the split (of rent) was unfair to person A's benefit. We don't know about the other bills or responsibilities and it's obviously not fair to just fill in the blanks and pretend that person A may have been paying more of the bills or doing all the chores beforehand to make it easier to vilify B. If you want to continue with this thinking, then what is the issue with the new split? For all we know, person B could be paying 100% of the bills and doing all the chores on top of half the rent. 

Regardless of how you wish the other bills were split, the OP only really seems to be taking issue with the rent:

bobbidyboo said:

However, partner B is not willing to support partner A financially in either of these options, and still wants to split rent 50/50.

It's clear how this thread was framed, so yes, I'll go along with you and say obviously it's easy to side with person A based on an account framed by person A (unless we intend to continue the charade that the OP is not person A ).

Rather than pick up my pitchfork and join you in my outrage at ad nauseam statements (which are commonplace during arguments) like "B spends a lot of time out clubbing and drinking with friends" I thought I'd play devils advocate and point out that the split was not fair even before the job change (based on the information that we have been presented with, not assumptions). It was particularly in response to those bringing the relationship into question based on a partner happy to charge their partner a higher percentage of the bills, relative to their earnings. I pointed out that, based on the figures presented, this concept applied before the job change, albeit to a lesser degree.

Pollycat

Exodi said:

Pollycat said:

Exodi said:

To play devils advocate, I'd point out that person A was happy with a 50/50 split while they were earning more than person B, but is no longer happy once they are earning less.

If they originally had a 54.5%/45.5% split in respect of their earnings, I think it would be easier to lambaste person B for their way of thinking.

We only know that it's the rent that is split 50/50.
Not other costs and not about chores.

We know that it's B who decides the area they live in because of work.
We know that B spend a lot of time out clubbing and drinking with friends.
I think it's pretty easy to 'lambast'' B for their way of thinking. And behaving.

I think your upset with person B has blinded you. The only information we've been given suggests that pre-job change the split (of rent) was unfair to person A's benefit. We don't know about the other bills or responsibilities and it's obviously not fair to just fill in the blanks and pretend that person B may have been paying more of the bills or doing all the chores beforehand to make it easier to vilify A. If you want to continue with this thinking, then what is the issue with the new split? For all we know, person B could be paying 100% of the bills and doing all the chores on top of half the rent. 

Regardless of how you wish the other bills were split, the OP only really seems to be taking issue with the rent:

bobbidyboo said:

However, partner B is not willing to support partner A financially in either of these options, and still wants to split rent 50/50.

It's clear how this thread was framed, so yes, I'll go along with you and say obviously it's easy to side with person B based on an account framed by person B (unless we intend to continue the charade that the OP is not person B ).

Rather than pick up my pitchfork and join you in my outrage at ad nauseam statements (which are commonplace during arguments) like "B spends a lot of time out clubbing and drinking with friends" I thought I'd play devils advocate and point out that the split was not fair even before the job change (based on the information that we have been presented with, not assumptions). It was particularly in response to those bringing the relationship into question based on a partner happy to charge their partner a higher percentage of the bills, relative to their earnings. I pointed out that, based on the figures presented, this concept applied before the job change, albeit to a lesser degree.

WOW!
I'm not upset.
Nor am I blind.
You seem to think that I am far more invested in this situation than I actually am.

The OP asked for perspectives.
I gave mine.

I wish the OP well in sorting this out with his/her selfish (imho) partner.

Spendless

Another angle - is it possible partner B has  a side chick (or side bloke) and this explains their reasons for going out without partner A and that they should always be allowed to (yes, I get being able to socialise with friends of course, it seems a bit odd to fetch it up) 

There is a phrase when someone is hiding something 'listen carefully to the accusations, they're actually confessions'

Might that apply to anything being said here? 

prowla

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...

sevenhills

Sea_Shell said:

Being nosey...What's your interest here?

Are you A or B, or related to, or friends with either?

It does sound like the OP is A

Relationships are often not equal. Who is the leader in the relationship, is their love anywhere?

I do think empathy is important, not everyone has it. Are you talking to other people, as well as posting on here?