I have thrown my son out, HELP please!

belfastgal

inmypocketnottheirs wrote: »

Good luck. Tough love is hard to administer.

You are right , I know I couldnt do it if it was my son and sometimes I which i could be a bit tougher, but i would be scared of something happening to him.

Protogenia

You know in your heart if you have done the right thing, some teens do need to tough it out before they realise how good they really had it...but still keep the lines of communication open. Offer him around for Christmas day and let him know how much you love him.

I totally understand where you are coming from, I have a sixteen year old who can be so rude, obnoxious and generally vile and on the other hand can be so sweet, helpful and loving. He drives me cuckoo!
I try to remember what a little !!!!!! I was as a teen and keep telling myself he will gro out of it.

Good luck and god bless to all your family, particularly your young lad.

Genia X x

MaureenHB

Hi Caterina, how did Christmas go? I empathise with you, and would love to know if you are doing OK.

loobylou2

Not much I can say to help I"m afraid as have never been in your situation but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you all and that I hope the situation improves in the new year for all of you.

mary43

Caterina, has your son got a phone so you can keep in touch and at least know he's safe and is well aware of the support available to him ?
He may be reluctant at first to ask for help...........don't they at 16 plus think they know all the answers ? It can be a rude awakening when suddenly they're in the outside world.
And had he been in the 'care' system, quite honestly, the help given, if our area is anything to go by, is very limited and you can probably do more yourself.
We recently had an 18 year old leave, he currently is sleeping on a friends sofa,has been for the last month. Accomodation offered by soc.serv. was a hostel or a B & B out of town where he would know no-one so he refused to accept it. At least he is still in town, can ring us if he needs us and we can contact him and check on his wellbeing.
You're obviously upset at doing something you had to do for the sake of yourself and the rest of your family and to teach you son that life isn't that easy but I do hope you've a means of contact for him and that he will listen to the advice given.

suzy_g

Sorry but to throw your child out at Christmas is terrible, he is you child, I am sorry but he doesn't stand a chance , in my experience children fair better if they are loved unconditionally at 18 he is still a boy, take him, back before its to late, and help to sort his life out. your his mother..

Savvy_Sue

Dear Suzy

1. unconditional love is not the same as unconditional acceptance. I love my boys unconditionally, but I will not accept swearing, rudeness, or expectations of hotel service within the family. And I applaud anyone, including Caterina, who is prepared to offer Tough Love in this way.

2. I am sure Caterina will do all she can to help her son sort his life out WHEN HE IS READY TO DO SO. However, until he personally WANTS to sort his life out, there is NOTHING she or anyone else can do to sort it out for him.

3. Did you read the word drugs? Do you have any experience of a family member on drugs or in the grip of any other addiction?

I could go on, but it's still the season of goodwill ...

Caterina, please don't feel guilty or pressurised into having him back. You did what you had to do, be very wary of having him back the first time he promises he's changed.

candygirl

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Dear Suzy

1. unconditional love is not the same as unconditional acceptance. I love my boys unconditionally, but I will not accept swearing, rudeness, or expectations of hotel service within the family. And I applaud anyone, including Caterina, who is prepared to offer Tough Love in this way.

2. I am sure Caterina will do all she can to help her son sort his life out WHEN HE IS READY TO DO SO. However, until he personally WANTS to sort his life out, there is NOTHING she or anyone else can do to sort it out for him.

3. Did you read the word drugs? Do you have any experience of a family member on drugs or in the grip of any other addiction?

I could go on, but it's still the season of goodwill ...

Caterina, please don't feel guilty or pressurised into having him back. You did what you had to do, be very wary of having him back the first time he promises he's changed.

Well said:T :T :T :T

suzy_g

dear sue
1. i do know this, i just think kicking out your kids is the wrong way to go about it
2 exactly
3. yes and yes

shelley_crow

The OP did the right thing, there's no two ways about it.
Given the circumstances that there are other members of the family to consider, her son has to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him. Ther implications of having a son on drugs in the house are immense, apart from the stress and worry he has caused there's the safety of her daughter to consider.
If the OP hadn't thrown him out, what would have changed? Her son obviously didn't think he had a problem and thought that his behaviour was acceptable. Where's the impetus to change?
The same thing happened in my family, it was my brother with the drug habit. It was only a matter of time until he had started to steal to fund his habit. When my parents threw him out i actually felt safe in my own home. Nothing's black and white and being judgemental helps no-one.