My mum is trying to control my life

maman

I think you just have to hang on in there until your mum gets the message that things have changed and you're not giving in however much she disapproves. 

Your sister has organised a BBQ for your dad to fit around her holiday arrangements. That's fair enough and she's invited you too but that doesn't mean you'll automatically be available.

I expect you have a niggling doubt that because you're driving and being loaned the lodge you could (unlike if you were flying off somewhere) postpone your holiday by a day. Don't do it!

I'm sure there will be other occasions where the arrangements don't conflict with your plans. Go to those with good grace. Make sure you do visit your family occasionally (not just for big events) but don't get yourself tied into any particular commitment. You and your GF have your own lives to lead, your own home, jobs, friends, hobbies. Enjoy!

sheramber

She will continue to try to control you as long as you let her.  Letting her see her behaviour  upsets you  gives her more ammunition to keep trying.

My mother did it with my sister but not with me because I wouldn't let her.

Did you mother let her mother control her? If not, then point  out to her that she was able to lead her own life and you are entitled to do the same.

Pollycat

sheramber said:

She will continue to try to control you as long as you let her.  Letting her see her behaviour  upsets you  gives her more ammunition to keep trying.

My mother did it with my sister but not with me because I wouldn't let her.

Did you mother let her mother control her? If not, then point  out to her that she was able to lead her own life and you are entitled to do the same.

+1 to this.

My Mum ran my sister ragged, upset her, was nasty to her.
She knew to step very carefully around me though because she knew I'd walk out and stop visiting her.

Abbafan1972

@MikeL93 don’t change your holiday plans that you arranged ages ago. Give your Dad a call on Father’s Day. 

If she knows that you will change your plans at the drop of a hat, then she will keep on doing it. 

You need to grow a pair and stand up to her. You and your GF have your own lives as well. 

Good luck. 

HampshireH

Your siblings obviously don't care if they miss out on family events so why do you?

Just tell your mum once and if it comes up again change the subject or address it head on.

At 30 years old you really need to just be firm and say no. Don't take her response personally.

Also it sounds like your parents do thing together all the time because your dad probably isn't allowed to do anything on his own and just goes for an easy life these days