Legally marry and not inform anyone - official or family

Malthusian

onomatopoeia99 said:

Not an issue in 2023, simply carry a next of kin card with you in your wallet / purse / whatever that makes clear who is to be considered your "next of kin" for this purpose, since you can nominate anyone.

Some NHS trusts even have examples on their websites you can download and print out.

The point is not that Juliet can't visit Romeo in hospital (or make decisions for him), the point is that if that happens their cover is blown. "No, I'm afraid you can't visit them, this person you hate is already with them, and also they've been appointed next of kin. [9 o' clock news ensues]"
Hopefully neither of them ever ends up in hospital, but if they want to be married or anything close to it, even if they never let anything slip (very unlikely), it is inevitable some kind of life event will happen where their family members expect to play a role as "next of kin" and find that the role has gone to the secret lover. 
 

theoretica

If the families didn't know the other person already, one option might be for a name change for both - we are now Mr and Mrs Baker (no Montagues or Capulets here, oh no...)

TBagpuss

As others have said, you can't get married without it having some state record but you could arrange to marry overseas, and I think if you go to Scotland then the notice requirements are different and I don't *think* you need to give notice in your home town. 
There's no requirement to change your name on marriage but as others have said, whether or not you marry, you need to ensure that you have up to date wills and that you have considered things such as who you have nominated for things such as death benefits under your pensions. 

bunnygo

the state has to know, it will be a matter of public record if anyone searches - although I think the genealogy sites put a block on anything less than quite a few years old.

no-one else needs to know if you do it somewhere out of range of the locals - but you do need to give notice where you live. If there is that much hostility, I suggest moving away regardless!

BungalowBel

Or, you could just get married, be 'loud and proud' about it and stuff your families. Move away from them and start a new life as married lovers.

Spendless

bunnygo said:

the state has to know, it will be a matter of public record if anyone searches - although I think the genealogy sites put a block on anything less than quite a few years old.

no-one else needs to know if you do it somewhere out of range of the locals - but you do need to give notice where you live. If there is that much hostility, I suggest moving away regardless!

Not if you marry abroad. I married in 1999 in the United States, my marriage isn't recorded here in the UK. You'd find it where I got married but you'd have to guess at the country and state to find a record if we'd chosen not to tell any family or friends. 

RAS

bunnygo said:

the state has to know, it will be a matter of public record if anyone searches - although I think the genealogy sites put a block on anything less than quite a few years old.

no-one else needs to know if you do it somewhere out of range of the locals - but you do need to give notice where you live. If there is that much hostility, I suggest moving away regardless!

I do quite a lot of geneaology and was thwarted because a DNA link wasn't married in the UK.

It was only after I got a possible birth cert (parents named on tree) and found siblings of that person on a Companies House record, which also named a sibling's child, that things started to make sense. In all it took over a year to confirm the person I thought possible was really the person, even with help from cousins who confirmed a hunch.  Since the link is Scottish, the most recent record confirmed they'd married overseas; in England or Wales it would be harder.

silvercar

This won’t work long term, at what point will one or other family query why there are never any partners on the scene?

theonlywayisup

Gosh, such a lot of wrong help in this thread.

As you are a resident in England and Wales, if you want to marry here  (and not in a religious ceremony) then you need to give Notice.  That Notice is a recording at a register office where you have lived for the past seven days and seven nights (9 days in reality).  You give Notice and it is publicly available for anyone to object (on legal grounds) to said marriage.  On the 29th day your Schedule is printed and you can then legally marry, from that date until a year after the Notice was made.  Your Notice is venue specific.  You can only get married under Notice at that venue, it doesn't have to be in the district in which you live.  Ie if you give Notice in Devon as that's where you both live, you can marry in Sussex, for example. 

If you don't want to let anyone know and get married abroad, you may need a CONI (certificate of no lawful impediment) which acts the same was as a Notice.  Not all countries need a CONI and you need to check first if you need one and second if the marriage in that country is legally binding here. 

p00hsticks

theonlywayisup said:

Gosh, such a lot of wrong help in this thread.

Mainly because a further post from the OP seems to suggest that the real issue is not keeping the actual marriage a secret, it's keeping the entire relationship under wraps, which is a completely different problem....