How to resolve unfair division of stuff after death of a parent

BooJewels

Estates do seem to bring the extremes of human behaviour to the surface, if the posting we see on this forum and anecdotal tales from friends is anything to go by. Presumably if people are dishonest, money grabbing and entitled over someone else's money and possessions, then they always were underneath.

The aunt's estate my sister and I are just executing has a third residual beneficiary, so we're being even more careful with the details than we were doing our parents' property when there was only us 2 involved. We pulled back the settee to vacuum for the EA coming to take photos and found a pound coin under there - that went in the kitty and has been recorded in the accounts. We see it as a great responsibility, that we've been trusted as executors.

silversnail

You are right that it is a responsibility. Perhaps executives should be people who have no emotional interest. I saw the immediate job in hand as clearing the house ready for selling and sorting out utilities, insurance, bank accounts etc; that is probably because I don't want or need anything. My brother has done not one thing of the sorting out but got a van over the day after photos were taken for the estate agent! (This despite the sensible thing was to leave furniture in the house for viewers so eg the dining room looked like a dining room!) As I said, I do wonder what people's rationale is.

Spendless

I suppose you do get that if you ask a solicitor to be executor but then you pay for the service. I personally wouldn't ask anyone to be executor if they weren't also a beneficiary just because it's a task, but then I wouldn't be leaving anything in a will to anyone I didn't have an emotional connection to.

My Mum is executor of my Nan's will, straight forward estate just money in the bank, no probate needed, but there's 3 beneficiaries, 1 of them an estranged relative so Mum is being super careful in what she does to make sure no accidental mistakes are made. 

I did wonder how brother had ended up with the furniture. That's quite shocking! 

silversnail

To be fair, no one else wanted it, but the proviso was that it was taken into account when any money is realised from the estate.  My sister (my brother doesn't speak to me) raised it with him, and it was then that he said that everything should then be valued and taken into account (instead of the lovely, straightforward and fair answer which would have been, 'Yes, that seems a fair thing to happen.'!!!!)  My sister wouldn't challenge him on this, as he is quite a difficult person and she won't go against him.  (Hence he speaks to her and not to me!!!!)

Spendless

Is it possible that your brother doesn't know what the furniture he took sells for 2nd hand?  

maman

You may feel that your brother is being spiteful/vindictive in saying that everything should be valued but he has a point. It may be a case of doing the right thing for the wrong (in his case) reasons.

Someone posted earlier that everything of note should be valued for probate. Even if probate isn't needed, a simple balance sheet showing assets and expenditure keeps everything transparent and above board.

If the only assets removed are the pieces of antique furniture then the value of that comes off your brother's final share but the same should apply, for example, if your sister had some jewellery. 

silversnail

I would be happy to have everything valued (easy for me as I had very little - out of choice).  My sister can't be bothered to do it - she had quite a bit of stuff, but things like a chest of drawers, some crockery,  which are nice enough but would sell for very little.  There wasn't stuff like jewellery. If she hadn't had them, we would put them on marketplace to get them moved on, or get a charity shop to collect them.  Anyway, my brother also had lots of other bits too - speakers, music system, chest of drawers, some electrical items etc too. He does know how much the furniture is worth, so I am not sure why he thinks it is ok to just have it.  Do you know what, I would really like to know what is going on in his head to think that it is ok.  Any suggestions, anyone?  

Sarahspangles

It’s possible he’s doing it to wind you up?

Spendless

Possibly because he has an entitled attitude and doesn't see anything wrong in his eyes why he shouldn't have it for free?

Keeping a spreadsheet is a good idea anyway. Thankfully my Mum had kept some pen and paper notes because my Dad had a tendency to round things up 'because it doesn't matter' when transferring money between my parents joint bank account and the bank account they set up to put Nan's money in (though they didn't think to open a new account initially, it was just Mum getting stressed by it all being mixed together). Weeks on me and DH get called round to compile a spreadsheet.  We got lost early on with the transactions in and out of the accounts, but Mums notes and my memory combined had DH working it all out and spotting that Dad had unwittingly put  over £850 of his own money into Nan's bank account! He'd misread some figures the wrong way round and then 'rounded it up cos it doesn't matter'. I pointed out to him if it hadn't been spotted then eventually he'd have been giving a few hundred pounds to an estranged relative who is a beneficiary of Nan's will.  So far better to keep a record as you go along. 

silversnail

Gosh, are people so mean as to wind others up on purpose?  Seems a lot of effort to me!  (I'm not saying doing things on purpose doesn't cross my mind when I am feeling annoyed, but actually having the motivation to carry them out is something else entirely!)  I am in favour of spreadsheets (or similar) and have done all that when sorting out the money side of things after my parents' death, and I make notes next to them as to what stage I am at with it all, as I know I will get confused even if I think I will remember.  My sister won't play ball though; she asks how high when my brother says jump, but won't do it for me - and actually I don't want to push her on it, as it is potentially easy to manipulate her and I don't want to put her in that position.  For example, my brother demanded a solicitor's meeting a week after my dad had died.  I had sorted out my mum's affairs and knew exactly what to do in this instance, but as my brother had not been involved he didn't know, wouldn't listen to me, and my sister went to a meeting with him and the solicitor about it - which has to be paid for, which is galling.  I refused to go - was still reeling from the death of my dad, was sorting out funeral and beginning on contacting utilities etc.  It is not as if my brother has done one thing to sort anything out anyway! Hey ho, soon I won't have to have anything to do with him - quite a shame really, as we used to be good friends, but there you go.