Kicking abusive son out of family home.

Malthusian

silvercar said:

Assuming that you do want to support your son, the answer may be for you to help find him a rental. Maybe a room in a shared house so he isn't isolated. If you could guarantee the rent the landlord may be more interested in offering a tenancy. 

If the OP helps her son find a private rental then she either a) puts her minor daughter at risk for as long as it takes to find a rental the son is willing to move to, or b) she kicks him out and then offers help (which would be quite strange; is the son likely to accept it?)
Getting him a room in a shared house sounds distinctly like foisting the problem on someone else and kicking the can down the road. If he gets himself thrown out he will end up homeless anyway. Potentially having cost the OP a lot of money (thanks to the guarantor status) they may not be able to afford.
Sad as it is, this may be a sticking plaster situation. The longer the OP takes to make their home safe, the more painful it will be for everyone.

sheramber

You could see if these people can help

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/adult-residential-services?gclid=CjwKCAjwov6hBhBsEiwAvrvN6A59EmDP3YyjCL--wiLgTopsKqE0dvswccRwJiQBO4qN2kCp2pWC8hoCKVUQAvD_BwE

EssexHebridean

An awful situation OP - I'm so sorry for you having to deal with this. 

One thing to perhaps consider - is the abusive behaviour likely to make him a poor candidate for a house share or similar? That would complicate things a lot for a young adult of his age I'd suggest. 

ian1246

housebuyer143 said:

ian1246 said:

If he's behaving this way towards his sister to the point Police and multi-agencies are involved, I would strongly urge NOT being his guarantor for any rent.

Regardless of his diagnosis, he presumably has capacity (if he doesn't have capacity, why aren't social services/support already involved?), If so then he should know  what he is doing - I know you probably won't want to hear this, but ultimately he is making the conscious choice to abuse his sister and behave in such a way.

If he treats his sister in such a way and you were to consider acting as a guarantor for a rental, you need to have an honest assessment of whether he will respect you/your family in terms of the consequences for you and your family if he stops rent payments or trashes the place - since ultimately you will be financially responsible in such a scenario.

Frankly, I think its time for a life lesson: if you physically attack family (involvement of Police), then the consequence is you no longer get the privilege of living with family and become homeless. Give him no notice and change the locks. If he causes issues, phone the Police and he ll get arrested - he's an adult now, no longer a child.

Have you tried getting any support from the council or social services? It's in a worse state then the NHS. 
My 7 year old attacks me due to learning disabilities and honestly, not one is remotely interested and I am told that it's his way of trying to communicate. Well duh!
If that's how they try to help someone with a young child, then I imagine the service for an adult is much worse.

I feel very sorry for the OP. It's not a choice anyone wants to make or take.

I ve been on the frontline of the last decade of Austerity, in the emergency services. I m very aware of the Austerity crisis which is gripping pretty much every agency and the impact this then has on the frontline.

Nonetheless: my point stands. If he has ADHD he is perfectly aware of his behaviour. The Op also mentioned possible  minor Autism - again, something which someone who has it is able to tell the difference between right & wrong, such as attacking your sister.

There is no sticky-plaster here: if he's not already diagnosed and recieving support, as you allude to the chances of getting him help in the current climate are fairly slim- certainly not in a timely manner.

That means the options available are to make him homeless (and if he turns up or refuses to go, Police will have to be called), get him a rental (which may require acting as a guarantor, which carries with it it's own risks), or allow him to stay...

.... except you then end up in a situation where a child is at risk of physical violence. Depending on how whatever incidents have been handled currently by involved agencies, the OP may have no choice in the matter of whether her son stays at the address - you may well have MASH involvement and potentially a S47 declared, certainly so if the child were to get hurt in the future by allowing the son to stay, having already come to the agencies attention previously for abuse from her brother. From re-reading the Ops original post, it already sounds like a Initial Child Protection Conference may have been held.... (i.e. child protection concerns), and ultimately IF that is the case and the decision were made by Op to allow the son to stay at the address, the worst case scenario would be they view her as not being able to keep her child safe and proceed accordingly.....

It's a horrible horrible situation - but ultimately, the view of the agencies will be, absent of a diagnosis, that he has capacity and therefore will be held responsible for his actions should anything occur in the future.

There very much will be a expectation from the relevant agencies that OP prioritises her daughters safety - which is why the best thing which can happen is formally making him homeless (on a Monday morning to allow a full week for him to try to get emergency housing, before weekend hours kick in).

theoretica

If in England, you can use this website to find homeless organisations in your area:

https://homeless.org.uk/homeless-england/

tripled

He's an adult and not a tenant, so you can just ask him to leave without notice, and can change the locks to keep him out. His possessions need to be kept safely and he should be given an opportunity to collect them, although that doesn't mean he needs to be allowed in the house.

From a practical perspective, try to be firm but non-confrontational. He has shown a tendency to violence so you may need to be prepared for that. In terms of alternative accommodation, as a short term measure perhaps you could book a couple of weeks in a Travelodge or similar, so he has somewhere safe to go while the wheels of council bureaucracy start turning.

It must be a horrible situation to be in, and I hope he and you get the support you need.

elsien

Is he likely to have any eligible support needs under the Care Act? 

Is his behaviour primarily towards family and can he/will he control it at other times?

Lummoxley

I think supported housing is the best option, this will normally be accessed by your local housing department.

Although your son may not be currently accessing services your daughter is so I would start by discussing with your daughters social worker as they could support an application to the housing department (there will already be links between housing and children's services) given the impact on your daughter.

elsien

Lummoxley said:

I think supported housing is the best option, this will normally be accessed by your local housing department.

Although your son may not be currently accessing services your daughter is so I would start by discussing with your daughters social worker as they could support an application to the housing department (there will already be links between housing and children's services) given the impact on your daughter.

Depends on the level of his support needs. 

Karr55

elsien said:

Lummoxley said:

I think supported housing is the best option, this will normally be accessed by your local housing department.

Although your son may not be currently accessing services your daughter is so I would start by discussing with your daughters social worker as they could support an application to the housing department (there will already be links between housing and children's services) given the impact on your daughter.

Depends on the level of his support needs. 

This is why I asked if there was a diagnosis of autism - a consultant psychiatrist I worked with for many years was of the opinion that ‘mild autism’ doesn’t exist as a diagnosis and certainly this young man’s behaviour doesn’t suggest it is ‘mild’ - I’ve been an autism specialist for almost a quarter of a century.

There are some risks to neurodiverse young people even in supported housing and I wouldn’t suggest simply changing the locks and leaving him to find his own way in life despite his recent behaviour, although your priority must be to protect your daughter. 

If he does have a diagnosis of autism at “Level 1 - needs support” there are supported housing options out there. They may be difficult to find in these austere times but he should be classed as a vulnerable adult by services if he has dual diagnosis.