Help please with my ‘difficult’ Dad

Flugelhorn

it would be better if the insurance is in your name - they don't seem to mind who owns the car. I have a car which my son insures in his name - on the insurance form there was even a tick box if you weren't the owner - "car is owned by parent" 

otb666

my husband has always owned my cars but he doesnt drive I always insure in my name never been a problem.  We are in a very similar situation to you and your father and always charge FIL for petrol as otherwise we would be out of pocket.  Luckily hubby quite direct with his dad and tells him how its going to be otherwise he will have to go in a home as he would never manage without us and he wants to stay in his home and we are allowing him to do this by sorting all his paperwork and house for him.  I dont know how long this will go on for and kinda know we are delaying the care home solution only You are doing a brilliant job and know how hard this all can be

Savvy_Sue

CalJo99 said:

You probably also need to start thinking longer term, about 'care in general', especially getting in external care to at least supplement what you do.

Sadly, many elderly people (especially those widowed recently), may just want to say 'Oh, my daughter will do everything thank you!'................

Getting them to accept external care is an art form - one advice is to have the carer arrive when you are there, and emphasise they are there to help YOU, and then 'gradually' back away to let them 'take over' over the course of several visits. 

You will need to pace yourself, and not get exhausted - you, too, are grieving.

This is SO important. You really must look to your future as well as his.

Mands

Singlemummy_2 said:

 2 hours away isn’t really that far to only visit every 3 months. Speak to your sibling and explain your situation and that it would be helpful if he could help out more. Even if he came once a month for a weekend it gives you some respite.

Of course it isn't so far.

But her brother doesn't come because it's far, or he's busy, or he has other commitments. He doesn't come because ... he doesn't want to. Because it would make him uncomfortable. Because it's hard. Because it means acknowledging that their father is ageing rapidly, and that is scary to admit.

And, anyway, why should he? The work is already being done, and not by him.

Sorry Woodyt, take some time for you please.

Sea_Shell

I thought the brother doesn't drive?